Cupcakes

Lily talked me in to buying cupcakes at the store. When we got home, she asked if she could eat one.  I said," Yes, but only one.  I am making supper right now."
Later I looked on the counter and 2 1/2 cupcakes were GONE!
"Lily!" I shouted sternly from the kitchen.  "Why is there MORE than one cupcake gone?!"
After a long pause,  Lily calls out from the other room, "They evaporated."
Nice try, kid.

Socks

A conversation with Dylan tonight ...
Me:  Dylan, give me your dirty clothes and get in the bath.
Dylan:  Mom!  Don't wash those socks (the ones he had just taken off) ... I"m going to wear them tomorrow!
Me:  No, Dylan!  These socks are filthy!
Dylan:  No they aren't ...  I've only worn them for three days.

Welcome to the world of boys.

Ragamuffin

Lily Claire lives life to the fullest, and at the end of every day she is covered with dirt and food and markers ... you name it!  The other evening we were heading home from a ballgame and I looked at her in the backseat, her hair and clothes and face a complete mess, and said, "Lily, you look like a ragamuffin!"  She said, "I like the "muffin" part, but not the "raga."

Mother of the Year

Just when I think I am doing SO well keeping up with all three of my children and their lives, this happens ...
I call the orthodontist today to make Bran's next four or five appointments.  He takes himself each time and we just pay the bill every month.  I am chatting with the ortho lady and after we make the appointments I ask, "So when will Brandon be getting his bottom braces put on?"
"I'm not sure," she replies, "Hold a moment and I will check for you."
She gets back on the phone after a moment and says, "M'am ... it says here that he actually got them put on already ......... last July."
Me, "(SILENT, BIG AWKWARD PAUSE)."
Wow.  Mother of the Year right here, folks.  Really on top of things!  Apparently I don't see my 16 year old's bottom teeth as often as I thought. I seriously have NO recall of that ever happening!!!  Good grief.

Thanks?

So all my friends out there know that I am married to a WONDERFUL guy and I love him very much!   HOWEVER, he has always been NOTORIOUS for some of things he says to me that he THINKS are compliments!  When we were dating, he told me he was glad I wasn't a beauty queen. (Still not sure how THAT was a compliment but it was supposed to be apparently.)  Another time he told me he was glad that no guys looked at me on the beach.  Ummm ... thank you ... I guess??  Well the other night I had been furiously working in the yard for HOURS and when I came inside all bedraggled and a mess, I looked in the mirror and said to him, "Good grief.  I couldn't look any worse if I tried" to which my adoring husband replied, "Oh sweetie, yes you could." Long awkward pause.  WHAT?!!!!!!  And as usual, after twenty minutes of back peddling and explaining, that of course wasn't what he meant!  Geez!  Anyone know where I can sign up an ALMOST perfect husband for eloquence lessons?  I know a guy who needs them!!  :)

Easter Bunny

Lily Claire asked me, "Does the Easter Bunny come at night while we're sleeping and hide eggs where no one can find them?"
"Yes!" I answered, thinking she'd be delighted.
Frowning, she replied, "That's RUDE!"

Baseball As A Second Language

Those of you who know me are aware that I'm not really known for having extensive baseball knowledge (ok, none), and I've been known to erroneously scream "good cut" from time to time when Bran catches a ball in the outfield. I basically sit at the games asking Skeet "What happened?" after each play  and just clap for whatever Bran does. HOWEVER, I was never fully aware of my complete and utter lack of baseball knowledge until the other evening when Brandon Taylor and Robert Skeet Taylor were on either side of me  rehashing a really bad loss for the baseball team to our big rival, Parkview. Believe me when I say that they talked for over twenty minutes saying stuff I'd never even heard of IN MY LIFE that apparently did or didn't happen in the game. Y'all, I literally had NO IDEA what they were even saying! It was like a weird, secret "man code" that I'd never been privy to until now!

Here's what the conversation sounded like to me ..., "The southpaw dinger brushback pickle set-up-man with the seeing-eye-single shoestring catch in the hole flashed some leather on the hot corner who had a safety squeeze on a sacrifice bunt with a slice foul sinker in the backdoor breaking ball bad hop balk for the closer in the clutch and the mop up with the BABIP ERA WHIP, don't you agree?"

Ummmm .... yes??  ....

I've now decided that instead of being ESOL, (English as a Second or Other Language), I am what you would call BSOL,.. (BASEBALL as a Second or Other Language).  And after hearing all their jibberish, it will be a PERMANENT condition for me, I am quite sure. Unless maybe there is some Rosetta Stone software that could help me out. :)  #lifewiththeTaylormen

Remix

I was listening to Bruno Mars on my Ipod and Dylan informed me that he had written a "remix" of "When I Was Your Man" ... oh dear.  Part of his remix went, "I should have smashed your flowers, I should have cut your hand, ... I should have thrown you off a mountain when I had the chance..."  Wow, Dyl, for some reason I'm not thinking your "remix" is really going to woo the ladies.

Score One For Mom

Iron Out, Oxiclean, Shout Power Stick, AND Fels-Naptha ... I have no skin left on my hands, but the pants look pretty good. THIS is why I tell Dylan he should wear a button with MY picture on it, instead of the other way around!

Rubbish

Lily skipped in the room, gave me a hug and said, "Mom, you're rubbish!"
"What?!" I said in surprise. "That's not very nice!"
"Why?" She asked. "What does 'rubbish' mean?"
"It means garbage!" I replied.
Lily thought a minute, then said, "Well then, you're NICE rubbish!"
All's well that ends well, I guess.

For Dad

From Lily's preschool days ...
This made me laugh out loud!  Lily Claire came home today with a picture she had made for her Daddy and me.  She explained that  she drew a heart and flowers for me because she knew I really liked hearts and flowers.   When I asked her what she had drawn for Daddy, she pointed to a brown blob at the top of the page.  When I questioned what it was, she answered, "It's a Beanie Weenie, because I tried those for lunch today and I thought Daddy would like them instead of flowers."

Name Change

So, friends ... the story I'm about to relay is not an episode of Punk'd. It actually happened to me this weekend. What is the setting of said story, you may ask? Yes, the DMV (DDS, whatever). Genre: the stuff nightmares are made of. I arrived at the DMV around noon on Friday since we had a day off. I arrived at noon and was given the number B392. The number they called as I sat down? 331. At 1:30 they call B392. I rush to the window with all my paperwork ... my birth certificate, my W2, my bank statement, my pay stub, my old license. The gentleman asks, "Where's your marriage license?"
Huh?
"I did not bring my marriage license since I brought all the other options listed on your site."
The gentleman, "Ma'am, you've had a name change."
"No, I haven't had a name change in 26 years. My old license, my W2, my pay stub, and my bank statement all reflect my name from the last 26 years ... Klaas-Taylor."
The gentleman, "Sorry. Your birth certificate doesn't say Taylor."
SUPER long pause from me, trying to process this logic.
Me thinking, "Is this some sort of weird joke? Why would my birth certificate have my married name on it? Yes, I was a child bride, but I wasn't born married! My last license from the DMV HAS my married name on it and my photo!"
The gentleman, "Sorry ... but since your birth certificate only says Klaas and not Taylor, you will have to come back with your marriage license in order to renew so we know it's you."
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! So, yes, I had to drive home, make a copy of my marriage license and return in order to renew since my "recent" name change of 26 years ago wasn't on my birth certificate. Would Skeet have had to bring our marriage license to renew? NO! I left the DMV at 4:00 with a renewed license, and apparently, a newly changed name. Exactly how I dreamed of spending four hours of my special day off from school!
Only the government.

All I Want For Christmas Is ...

Lily Claire was NOT happy the evening she lost her "other" front tooth! She was very mad that she could no longer easily enjoy eating apples, her favorite snack.  Unbeknownst to me, she came up with a quick solution in order to eat her favorite fruit. She cut out some "new" front teeth and taped them on! Problem solved!

Contagious?

I was fussing a little bit at Lily Claire tonight because when I came downstairs she had put stickers all over her dolls!  I said, "Lily, don't put stickers on your nice babydolls!" to which she replied, "I didn't. They have chickenpox."

"WWE" love Jesus!

Many of you know that Dylan is really in to WWE wrestling and this Sunday, unbeknownst to me, he brought two of his wrestler "guys" into church. During the praise songs, I look over and see this! I am STILL laughing!!! Apparently it's the WWE meets Praise and Worship! He even had their hands raised! Good thing God has a sense of humor with Dylan around!

Lost in Translation

How I love messing with my teenage sons!

Chick Flicks

Tonight solidified why Hallmark channel movies are totally for women  ... The GUY in the movie I am watching actually just said,"Wedding bouquets and table settings and gowns are just the shiny wrapper on the delicious candy bar called love."  Hmmm .. not really recalling ANY man in the universe EVER saying anything remotely close to that! Glad Skeet wasn't in the room at that point ... there would have been no end to his ridicule of my beloved, cheesy romance shows! So I say, carry on, Mr. Candy Bar Love Guy ...I like you, even if you make Skeet nauseous.

50 Shades

So glad I FINALLY got to color my hair tonight before it got the starring role in 50 Shades of Blonde, Orange, Gold, and Gray ...