Rap

(2012) Bran is singing a super obnoxious "rap" song he's making up about macaroni and cheese and then he informed me that it was only the first verse of this "masterpiece."  I am DEFINITELY going to bed now before verse 2 even begins!! (This is the rap so far, "I want macaroni and cheese, I have no keys, cause all my cars are PUSH TO START, I'm not riding in grocery carts") - do you feel my pain?

Mistakes

Today we were going over a reading assignment in class and I skipped one of the questions by accident. One of my students encouragingly said,”It’s ok, Mrs. Taylor, my grandparents make mistakes a lot, too.” Grandparents?! 😂😂😂 Felt a bit older after that comparison!

PGA

After 26 years of living with Robert Skeet Taylor, I've been "conditioned" to turn on PGA golf in order to take a Sunday afternoon nap, even when he's not around!  The announcers' low, lulling voices are like Pavlov's bell ... They speak and I instantly fall asleep!

Root Word

(2015) I was teaching my 2nd graders about root words today and when we got to the root "tele," I asked them if they had ever heard a word that used "tele," thinking they'd say "telephone" or "telescope."  Without missing a beat, one of my little ones shouted, "Nutella"! (Nu-tele) ... I cracked up!!   Not quite ... but very creative!

Too Loud

Guess I was cheering too loudly for Dyl at his ballgame because Lily turned to me and said, “Sshhhh, Mom! You’re making my ears go blind!!” 😂😂😂

Eloquence

So all my friends out there know that I am married to a WONDERFUL guy and I love him very much! Robert Skeet Taylor  HOWEVER, he has always been NOTORIOUS for some of things he says to me that he THINKS are compliments!  When we were dating, he told me he was glad I wasn't a beauty queen. (Still not sure how THAT was a compliment but it was supposed to be apparently.)  Another time he told me he was glad that no guys looked at me on the beach.  Ummm ... thank you ... I guess??  Well the other night I had been furiously working in the yard for HOURS and when I came inside all bedraggled and a mess, I looked in the mirror and said to him, "Good grief.  I couldn't look any worse if I tried" to which my adoring husband replied, "Oh, yes you could." Long awkward pause.  WHAT?!!!!!!  And as usual, after twenty minutes of back peddling and explaining, that of course wasn't what he meant!  Geez!  Anyone know where I can sign up an ALMOST perfect husband for eloquence lessons?  I know a guy who needs them!!  :)

Socks

(2012) A conversation with Dylan tonight ...
Me:  Dylan, give me your dirty clothes and get in the bath.
Dylan:  Mom!  Don't wash those socks (the ones he had just taken off) ... I"m going to wear them tomorrow!
Me:  No, Dylan!  These socks are filthy!
Dylan:  No they aren't ...  I've only worn them for three days.

Welcome to the world of a nine year old boy.  YUCK!!!

Retro

(2015) I guess I've been watching the Retro TV channel too much because tonight Lily Claire said she wanted to watch "Magnum PI."  I about cracked up, since I was expecting her to say "Dora" or "Angelina Ballerina"!!!!

SPAM

I have started getting a bunch the weirdest SPAM emails like "Buy Premium Cigars," "Bosley Hair Restoration," "Get Mobile with a HoverRound" and "Meet Single Black Seniors" ... not real sure how I've gotten on some of these particular marketing lists!!

Rubbish

(2016) So today Lily came running up to me and said, "Mom, you're RUBBISH!"
WHAT?!
"Lily!  That wasn't nice!" I told her, pretending to be shocked.
"Why?" Lily asked in surprise. "What does 'rubbish' mean?"
"It means TRASH!" I said.
Lily hugged me and said, "Oh ... then you're NICE rubbish!"

Brilliant

(2012) Not at my most brilliant ... last night we painted a milk carton for Lily Claire's PreK project with yellow tempra paint, which cracked and fell off over night!  SO, we started over today and I spray painted a new milk jug with yellow spray paint which I had to stop and buy at the hardware store.  When I finished I looked at the finished product and asked myself, "After all that, WHY didn't you just buy a yellow Mayfield jug to begin with?!"  Sigh.  Oh well! :)

Raggamuffin

(2016) Lily Claire lives life to the fullest, and at the end of every day she is covered with dirt and food and markers ... you name it!  The other evening we were heading home from a ballgame and I looked at her in the backseat, her hair and clothes and face a complete mess, and said, "Lily, you look like a ragamuffin!"  She said, "I like the "muffin" part, but not the "ragga."  Cracked me up!!!

Orthodontist

(2016) Just when I think I am doing SO well keeping up with all three of my children and their lives, this happens ...
I call the orthodontist today to make Bran's next four or five appointments.  He takes himself each time and we just pay the bill every month.  I am chatting with the ortho lady and after we make the appointments I ask, "So when will Brandon be getting his bottom braces put on?"
"I'm not sure," she replies, "Hold a moment and I will check for you."
She gets back on the phone after a moment and says, "M'am ... it says here that he actually got them put on already ......... last July."
Me, "(SILENT, BIG AWKWARD PAUSE)."
Wow.  Mother of the Year right here, folks.  Really on top of things!  Apparently I don't see my 16 year old's bottom teeth as often as I thought. I seriously have NO recall of that ever happening!!!  Good grief. :)

Natural

Pretty sure it’s time to schedule an appointment with my hairdresser after a student handed this to me today and said she picked it especially for me because the frosting matches my hair! Wow ... really natural look I apparently have going. 😂😂😂

Hey Mom, I Need Some Food”

I got a text today from Brandon that made me laugh harder than I’ve laughed in a long time! So, the other night, very late, he calls me and says, “Mom, I’m hungry after my games. Can you send me some Ramen Noodles and a microwave bowl?” (no ovens in dorms). OF COURSE, what I HEARD was, “Mom, I’m dying of starvation and fading away into nothingingness. I am miserable and alone far, far away. Help me!!!!!” I JUMP onto the computer in the middle of the night and immediately order him four cases of Ramen Noodles, the bowl, AND macaroni and cheese cups, cookies, Sunny Delight, Goldfish, Little Debbie Easter cakes, and a 24 jumbo variety pack of Gatorade, all to be shipped to his dorm ASAP! In my defense, what else could I do after getting what I believed to be a DESPERATE SOS call from my baby who is living far away at college saying he’s HUNGRY (a Southern mother’s WORST NIGHTMARE)! I may have panicked just a little. At any rate, I get this text today from him today with the caption “Hey mom, I need food” and a video of what got delivered to the post office up the street from his dorm today which is now in his tiny car to be hauled back to his tiny room. I have never laughed so hard in my LIFE! Oops. Well, at least I can sleep easy tonight knowing my son is definitely NOT going to be hungry tonight … or for the next six months, apparently!! 😂😂😂

Rude

(2014) Lily Claire asked me, "Does the Easter Bunny come at night while we're sleeping and hide eggs where no on can find them?"
"Yes!" I answered, thinking she'd be delighted.
Frowning, she replied, "That's RUDE!"

Whopper

I am laughing soooooo hard!  Whopper perfume??????????  Dylan would fall instantly in LOVE with any girl who smelled like a Whopper! Haaaa!!!  This is a new product from Burger King Japan!  SO WEIRD!!!!!

Downward Spiral

It's a pretty sure sign that the world is in a serious downward spiral when the news headline of the day is "The Easter Bunny brawls with shoppers at a NJ mall."  Seriously, what is happening to society?!! Or should I say "Hop-pening ..." Hahaaa!!'

Pooped

Puppy nightmare 101 currently happening at the Taylor house ... I didn’t realize Buddy had an accident in the kitchen (💩) and I turned on the Roomba while straightening up downstairs. Unbeknownst to me, the Roomba ran over it and dragged it ALL OVER the kitchen floors and rugs! I have a weak stomach, so cleaning it all up has traumatized me!!  I’m now totally grossed out AND pooped! (pun definitely intended!) 😂😂😂 Thanks, Buddy.  🐶

McWrap

Wow ... some poor McDonalds employee was marching around outside today waving and wearing a huge box costume that said "McWrap." On second thought ... he probably makes more per hour than I do!!! More power to you, Mr. McWrap!

Crumbly Hair

(2012) Lily Claire drew a picture of me tonight ... in the picture, Brandon is on my left and she and Dylan are on my right (just in case you couldn't recognize us for some reason!).  While she was drawing it, she asked  if it was ok if she made me have "purple crumble-y hair" in the picture. Sure! Why not?!

Flaming Squirrel Repellent Sauce

Today's free springtime advice .... never coat all your birdseed with "Coles Flaming Squirrell Repellant Sauce" and then hang your feeder from a very high branch.  Though it sounds unlikely, a big piece of flaming seed WILL fall out of the feeder right into your eye.  Unfortunately I am speaking from painful experience.

Woodpecker

(2014) I asked Lily Claire if we should name the bright redheaded woodpecker that we've seen at our birdfeeder several times this week.  I am proud to announce that we now have "FLUFFY, the woodpecker!"

Giraffe Censoring

(2017) Lily and I have been mesmerized watching and waiting for April the giraffe to have her baby!  Lily LOVES everything to do with animals and says she wants to be a zoologist when she grows up! I had to crack up, though, that the live feed went down for a while because some animal activists, who were mad about April being in a zoo, reported the site to Youtube as having 'explicit sexual activity' and 'nudity.'  First of all, you see animals have babies every day on PBS documentaries!  And, I had no idea until today that a giraffe could be nude!  Learn something new (or should I say "nude") every day!  Hahahahaaaaaa! On a side note, we can't believe that the baby will weigh 150 lbs. and be 6 feet tall at birth!!! KUDOS, April ... I'm in awe!

I Wasn’t Born Married ...

So, friends ... the story I'm about to relay is not an episode of Punk'd.  It actually happened to me this weekend. What is the setting of said story, you may ask? Yes, the DMV (DDS, whatever).  Genre: the stuff nightmares are made of. I arrived at the DMV around noon on Friday since we had a day off. I was given the number B392.  The number they called as I sat down?  331. At 1:30 they call B392.  I rush to the window with all my paperwork ... my birth certificate, my W2, my bank statement, my pay stub, my old license. The gentleman asks, "Where's your marriage license?"
Huh?
"I did not bring my marriage license since I brought all the other options listed on your site."
The gentleman, "Ma'am, you've had a name change."
"No, I haven't had a name change in 26 years.  My old license, my W2, my pay stub, and my bank statement all reflect my name from the last 26 years ... Klaas-Taylor."
The gentleman, "Sorry.  Your birth certificate doesn't say Taylor."
SUPER long pause from me, trying to process this logic.
Me thinking, "Is this some sort of weird joke? Why would my birth certificate have my married name on it? Yes, I was a child bride, but I wasn't born married! My last license from the DMV HAS my married name on it and my photo!"
The gentleman, "Sorry ... but since your birth certificate only says Klaas and not Taylor, you will have to come back with your marriage license in order to renew so we know it's you."
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!  So, yes, I had to drive home, make a copy of my marriage license and return in order to renew since my "recent" name change of 26 years ago wasn't on my birth certificate. Would Skeet have had to bring our marriage license to renew? NO! I left the DMV at 4:00 with a renewed license, and apparently, a newly changed name. Exactly how I dreamed of spending four hours of my special day off from school!
Only the government.
Georgia Department Of Driver Services

The DMV ... and other nightmares

I have to share a hilarious story my Dad told me about the DMV from years ago (proving that some things never change!)  He took a friend of ours from church to renew his license.  They walked in and not a SOUL was in the place (how lucky!)  The walked up to the counter and said they needed to renew.  Now, mind you, NO ONE was there but them.  The lady said, "I'm sorry, You have to take a number."  Laughing, they went over and pulled a number, number 12, and then returned to the lady.  The lady then said, "I'm sorry.  You'll have to be seated until your number is called."  THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE THERE!  As soon as they sat down in the waiting area, the lady caled out, "Number 12." They took their number to her at that point and THEN she proceeded to help them renew.  I was cracking up envisioning this scene ... it's like something from the Carol Burnett show!

Called Out

I got called out by my daughter in the car the other day on the ride home from school. There was tons of traffic and it was taking us forever to get home! This one lady at a light in front of us was looking down at her phone and not paying attention that she was blocking the entire turn lane. I was getting super annoyed and  yelled out (inside our car, of course, where the lady couldn’t hear me), “MOVE IT, DORK!”   From the backseat Lily gasped. “Mom!” she said,  “you yelled that while we are listening to the FISH!”  (Christian radio station). “Oops,” I said, “What I MEANT to say was ‘God bless you, sister’...”  Lily stared at me a moment with a very skeptical look on her face, then we both started cracking up! Guess I’ll have to be a bit nicer driver with my accountability group sitting in the back seat!! 😂😂😂

Whoppers

(2010)  Dylan was disappointed that his team lost their baseball game tonight, but apparently "Whoppers heal all wounds" when you're a ten year old boy!

 

Cussing

I had a funny memory today of a time my kids were shocked because they thought I had done something much worse than I really had.  In our house, the kids weren't allowed to say "shut up" because we told the it was a VERY "bad word" (and just rude, really!).  Well one day, Bran and Dylan were in the back seat (Bran was probably 11 and Dylan 6 ... at the height of their arguing stage) and they had been arguing and fighting NONSTOP the whole day.  The arguing and tattling and shoving and pestering  and yelling continued in the car and I  was about to blow a gasket.  I had HAD it.  I pulled the car over, jerked to a stop, whirled around at them, and YELLED SUPER loudly at them, "JUST SHUT UP!!!!!!!"  You could have heard a pin drop in that car, and I still remember the absolute SHOCK on their faces.  Then, Dylan croaked out in disbelief, "Mommy cussed!"  Not my finest parenting moment, but now I laugh thinking of all the damage control I had to do after that so they wouldn't go to school (where I taught, I might add) and tell their teachers that their mom was "cussing" at them in the car!!  Sheesh!!

Gummi Bears

(2011) After school, I surprised the kids and took them to the park to play for a while ... they had a blast.  It was so much fun watching them running around, screaming and laughing.  Then I won the prize for Mom of the Year because I let them stop at the drugstore to buy some gummy worms on the way home.  Life is good.

UnAmerican

I feel un-American .. I've been on Facebook all these years and I just today "liked" Jell-O.  How could I have taken so long?!!

Winter Blues

When winter blues start dragging me down and I am tired of all the cold and the rain, I know it's time for TWO important, surefire fixes ... highlight my hair and watch a big dose of my idol, DORIS.  Pillow Talk, here I come.

Like A Mom

Sweet conversation in my classroom yesterday:

All the students in my morning class are on the reading rug around my big moon chair getting ready for read-aloud. I hear ...
Myha (whispering):  Go ahead, tell her!  Tell her.  Mrs. Taylor won't mind.
Me, to the two students:  Is everything ok?  Do you guys need something?
Myha:  (Nudging her best friend Ayan again) It's ok ... tell her!
Ayan remains quiet.
Myha:  Ayan is afraid to tell you that she is so hungry she feels like she might get sick.
Me: Oh no!  Go get a snack from under my desk.  There are Goldfish and crackers.  Take whatever kind you like.
Myah (whispering to Ayan as they are going to my desk to get the snack):  See!  I TOLD you she loves us like a mom.

BEST part of my day!

Chicken Pox

I was fussing a little bit at Lily Claire tonight because when I came downstairs she had put stickers all over her dolls!  I said, "Lily, don't put stickers on your nice babydolls!" to which she replied, "I didn't. They have chickenpox."

Jive Talkin’

(2016) This still makes me laugh! Torturing my teenager with some groovy texts! 😂😂

Snowflake

(2013) Lily and I actually saw ONE SNOWFLAKE today!!!  We both screamed with excitement!  We were ready to lay down right then and there in the Walmart parking lot and try and make some angels!!!  Yes ... we are Southerners.

Delicious

(2011) Lily went running around the house last night after her bath squealing, "Mommy, I smell DELICIOUS!" She cracks me up!