Dollar Store

I have been crowned “mother of the year” yet again! Today I was at the Dollar Store loading up my cart with snacks for my kids to munch on at the pool. I headed over to the pet aisle and was about to put some doggy treats into my cart for Buddy. I stopped myself thinking, “Ewww, no. I don’t want Buddy to eat anything from the cheap Dollar Store! It might be gross or make him sick!” Then, without hesitation, I proceeded to the checkout to buy all the snacks for my OWN CHILDREN to eat ... from the cheap Dollar Store!! 😂😂😂 Sorry, kids ... I guess Buddy lives a little more high on the hog than you three!! 😂😂😂😂 #bestmomever
#buddyisthefavorite

Tank Top

Well there's no accounting for taste, apparently!  I graciously offered to get this stunning tank top at Walmart for Dyl and he turned me down, IF you can believe that!  His loss! Hahaaaaa!!

Crayons

(2011) Lily is definitely my child ... she is sitting beside me playing with her crayons but she has them all lined up in a row and has named all of them.  They are apparently a crayon family and they are all talking to each other.  Sophie, the pink crayon, is especially talkative and is telling all the other crayons what to do!  I am cracking up!

Boys

Why do boys think that going swimming means they have had their bath for the day?!

Hoarders

WHY did I just watch the most disgusting, horrible episode of Hoarders while I was doing laundry?  What was I thinking?! Why would a person "hoard" cats?!  I am scarred FOREVER.  I will stick with Love Boat from now on!!!!

Flipper

(2015) Dyl is such a good big brother.  He's been having to pretend to be Lily's pet dolphin, Flipper, for the past hour in the pool and then play Uno with her at adult swim!

Southern Girl

(2013) I am definitely raising a Southern girl!  I just asked Lily Claire what she wanted for a snack and she answered, "Yo-Grits", which is what she thought was the name for "yogurt."  Love it!

Bloated

(2013) Dylan and Lily are going to watch a Lego Batman movie and they want me to get out the air mattress for them to lay on while they watch.  Lil just came running into my room and said, "Mom!  We need to get the air mattress all bloated up!"

Sweating

(2014) Had a lunch date with the kids after the puppet show this morning!  They wanted to go to McDonalds so they could also play on the playground.  When we first got there, I told them to go play, but within a few seconds Lily had come back to the table. In an APPALLED voice she told me, "I do NOT want to play in there right now because there is a kid in there who is SWEATING!"  Well, heaven forbid.  Once the offensive "sweat-er" left, she decided she'd go on in and play!  Good grief!!  After that, she and Dyl had a good time in the playground pretending to be a magic princess and a mean bear on the prowl ... all I know is there was a lot of squealing and running and growling going on in there!  Sure hope there was no SWEATING going on!

Cool Dad

This dude at the pool keeps yelling at his middle school daughter to be careful on her pool float so she doesn’t knock into other people, but instead of yelling “be careful” he keeps screaming “be situationally aware.” Ummmm ... ok. 😂😂😂. #cooldadaward

Woman Code

Ok, really?!  We went out for lunch today and a lady stopped to admire some jewelry I was wearing.  As I am about to say "thank you" for her nice compliment, Skeet Taylor shouts out, "It's not real."  Seriously???   Woman code 101 has just been seriously breeched. Why don't you go ahead and tell the whole place that I have fake highlights in my hair from a drugstore box and my glowing complexion comes from a tube and that it's not my real figure because I have on a tummy control shaper under my dress?!  Any man in his right mind should know you DO NOT spill the time honored "woman" secrets!  Honestly.  Men are from another planet. 😂😂👽

Job

(2011) Another Dylan moment ... I was laying in his bed with him before he fell asleep and he asked, "Mom, when you grow up do you have to have a job?"  Of course, I said, "Yes, if you want to have a house and food!"  Dylan thought a moment then said, "Yea, and if you don't have a job you'd be drunk all the time and have a fat stomach."  WHERE does he get this stuff?!  He cracks me up!

Termites

So the termite exterminators come at the crack of dawn this morning (the yearly check, we don't actually have termites) ... I thought they would just spray some stuff and leave us our letter.  Of course not!  The man gives me a long speech about the option to have them drill into the basement floor and into all the outside bricks and the front porch with their jack hammer and how "it might look bad at first but it'll settle down after a while."  Oh yeah and also the holes could cause some "flooding problems. Do I want him to do that?"  Um ... NO!!!  What on earth? Just squirt some spray, mister!!!!

Burning

Seriously considering burning all the dirty laundry in a bonfire in the backyard rathering than doing it all today!  No one would notice a twenty foot burning pile of cloth in my backyard, would they?!!!

Jewell Ball

(2013) Lily just asked me if she could have a JEWEL-BALL.  ????  Finally realized she was trying to say GERBIL!  I think the Jewel-Ball is a better option.

Goose

Raise your hand if you were on your way to work at 6:30 AM this morning and stopped the cars on both sides of Five Forks at Sugarloaf during heavy rush-hour traffic to get a little yellow baby gosling safely across the road? Oh ... just me?! 😂 I’m sure some of the drivers were mad at me, but a mom goose and her baby goslings were caught in the middle of the road during heavy traffic and the babies were running all under the cars. Some cars weren’t even stopping, and the mom  was in a panic (and so was I!). Lily and I pulled over into the turn lane, and I hopped out and stopped the cars so that I could try and shoo the babies and their mom safely to the other side. I almost had everyone to safety when I looked back and saw that one of the little baby chicks could not get over the median. It was running all under the trucks and cars that were stopped. The mom bird came rushing back and was squawking and freaking out because the baby couldn’t get over to where they were. A nice man and a lady got out to try and help me. They held the traffic while I chased this little fuzzy yellow baby chick all over Five Forks Trickum Road! I was finally able to bend down and pick up the baby and carry it over to the side. The mom was squawking and honking and flapping her wings because she was scared I was taking her baby. I was scared she was going to bite me! But she didn’t. She calmed right down and all was well when I set the baby back by her
side in the grass away from the road.

We all may have been a little late for work today, but there’s a little goose family tucked safely in the bushes near the woods tonight.  I figure we moms have to stick together and
help each other out, even if one of the moms happens to be a goose. ❤️🦆

Awkward

Weird story for the day ... I went into McDonalds to get the kids a biscuit for breakfast before church, and while I was waiting a lady walked up to me and said, "My husband wants you to know that you have the most beautiful toes he's ever seen."  Ummmmm  ... thanks?  Awkward on so many levels!!!! Hahaaaaaa!!!

Nightgown

Lily comes downstairs after her bath this evening and Skeet says in all seriousness, "Hey Lil, you forgot your pajamas on the bottom."
Lil and me:  "It's called a nightgown, Daddy."
Skeet, "Oh."
Yes, Lily and I live as foreign creatures in a Man Cave.

Irony

Irony: I’m watching a survival show with Skeet and I’m sitting here harshly criticizing this lady for complaining and refusing to eat a big slimy stingray they caught with a spear. Then I remember that I won’t even eat at Waffle House. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Mom

One of my favorite memories of the boys is perfect for Mother's Day: one day when the boys were younger, they were arguing and bickering. Dylan kept telling Brandon what to do.  They came stomping up the stairs with Bran shouting, "DYLAN, STOP telling me how to live my life!!  NO ONE can tell you how to live your life!!!"  Then there was a pause and Brandon added, "Except Mom, she tells everyone how to live their life.” Glad he learned that early!!!  :)

Ice Cream Cone

(2012) You gotta love 3rd grade baseball ... it was super hot at the field, one kid overheated, one kid broke his thumb, the team lost .... but the coaches took them to Dairy Queen after the game so all was right with the world!  Apparently, a chocolate dipped ice cream cone is the best cure for just about anything when you're 8 years old!

Monstrosity

ONLY for her 17 year old son would a true Southern woman ever be caught dead ordering something at Wendys called a TRIPLE BACON-ATOR BURGER with extra bacon, gynormous supersized fries, and enough sweet tea to fill a bathtub!  Even the lady at the counter was laughing as I stood there ALONE in my pink sweater and pearls ordering that monstrosity!!! I must have said "It's for my son" eighteen times!!!! Next time he's getting a side salad and a diet coke.