Shopping

 I had the funniest and sweetest thing happen tonight when I stopped in Kohl’s to pick up a last-minute gift. I was super tired from a fun, but long day at school, and had been standing in a ultra long, slow line waiting to get to the cash register.  Believe me when I say there were a lot of tired, grumpy people waiting in that line. When I was finally next up to be helped at the cash register, this very big, older man stepped right in front of me with two packs of Lindor chocolate truffles in his hand to purchase. I was a little surprised, but decided to be gracious and just let him go ahead, seeing that I had just read a devotional the other night that talked about “not sacrificing kindness on the altar of your impatience,” especially during the busy holiday season. (Plus I was wearing a huge Santa Claus Christmas sweater, so I couldn’t really be mean wearing that. 😂😂) I figured he must not have noticed the long line and had just made a mistake. After a few seconds standing in front of me, he turned back and looked at me questioningly, and I just smiled. Then he started laughing. What I didn’t know was that his wife was actually in line behind me, and he was just playing a joke to see how I would react if he cut in line! He said, “I’m just playing! I’m not really cutting in front of you!” I started laughing and said,  “It was OK! I was going to just let you go ahead! I figured you were in a serious rush to eat those chocolates!” The whole line started laughing at this point, and the man said to me, “I was expecting you to get really mad, I was even a little nervous, but you have a beautiful spirit. I’m glad to know there still people like that in the world.”  It was so sweet! When I left the store, he was sitting on a bench waiting for his wife. I waved goodbye to him and told him, “’You better be good from now on because Santa is watching!” and we laughed again. It really shows how just a little bit of kindness and grace can bring out the best in everyone, even on a late night Christmas shopping errand after a very looooong day! ❤️

Cool

 (2011) Life with a 13 year old son:  On my way home this evening, I called Bran to remind him to get his homework and chores done.  Typically, Bran never "remembers" to do any of his chores without lots of "reminders." So I say, "Bran, don't forget to take down the trashcans from the curb before football practice."  To which he replies, totally seriously, "I already did it, Mom, because you know ... I'm just cool like that."  Uh huh ... we'll see how long this wave of "coolness" lasts!  

Halloween

 (2011) Saturday, I made the mistake of shopping early for Lily's Halloween costume online and she ended up picking out a sweet kitty cat costume.  HOWEVER, now she is asking me every day if I can draw whiskers on her face and put on her costume (which, of course, we don't have yet!)  She just came storming into my room huffing and said, "WHEN is Halloween?  I've been waiting and waiting!"  Oh dear.  October is going to be a loooooooooong month!  

Beard

 (2015) Lily just said, "Mom, remember in the old, old, old times when everyone had to wear a beard?  Well Daddy must have looked HORRIBLE!"  Sorry Robert Skeet Taylor, but I am cracking up, you old timer, you!!

Meds

 This would be why I don’t take cold or allergy medicine before bedtime. Last night I dreamed that we had a pet lion in our backyard that had wandered in from the highway. I was concerned if the lion would get along with Buddy and the big group of gorillas we already had living in the backyard.  I also wasn’t sure if I was feeding the lion enough dog food every day and kept pouring huge mixing bowls full of it outside. We eventually let the lion into our kitchen to drink water out of a huge basin and let it lay on the floor and wander around the house roaring. Our neighbors then rented a petting zoo for one of their kid’s birthday parties and the owners asked if they could have the lion as part of their petting zoo. I agreed because I was worried the dog food for the lion was too expensive,but in the dream I was crying the whole time the lion was being put into a crate to leave with the petting zoo people. I kept telling the petting zoo people to take care of my lion and to remember that he was a boy lion named Joseph, but they wouldn’t listen to me. I kept trying to pet the lion one last time before the truck left. It was soooo bizarre and distressing! DEFINITELY going to stay away from the meds tonight before bed!!! 🦁🦁🦁

Directions

 You know you’re in the South when the focal point for all spoken directions of the day starts with, “Well first take a right at the cheese straw stand...”  #yellowdaisyfestival #goodtimes

Fruit Loops

 (2013) Dylan was trying to entice Lily to come upstairs to play this morning.  When she wouldn't come, he made a trail of her favorite cereal, Fruit Loops, that went from the family room and up the stairs to her room for her to follow/eat her way upstairs.  It worked!!  

Illegal

 Dear Middle School teachers, 

Please excuse my daughter if she was extremely sleepy in your classes today. Apparently she stayed up half the night writing an impassioned essay entitled “Why School Should Be Illegal.” 😂😂😂 (true story, folks)

Rainbow

A scary glimpse into the minds of seven year old boys: At the drugstore, I let Dylan pick out some candy.  He picked out this HUGE multicolored lollipop, of course.  He said, "Mom, I bet I'll be the first person EVER to be able to eat all this at once."  I replied,"If you do, you'll get sick."  He thought a moment and replied cheerfully, "Well, if I throw up, at least it will be rainbow!"   UG!!

Rap

Failed parenting lesson of the evening ...

I walk in the office and Dylan is sitting at the computer listening to some rap song from pro wrestling.  It doesn't sound very "appropriate" so I come over to disapprove and decide to use the moment to teach a sobering life lesson (or so I think).

Me:  Dylan, would you feel ok about listening to that song if God was sitting right next to you?

Dylan: (dead serious)  Yeah   I think God would be okay with this version, Mom, because whenever they say a cuss word in the song it says "BEEP" instead!

Me: Ummm, ok ... no.  You and God aren't going to listen to this song anymore.

I sure hope God has a very good sense of humor!!!!!

Grocery Store

 (2013) Note to self ... do NOT take a 15 year old boy to the grocery store with you!  I was running in to pick up one or two things and came out with a TON of stuff that I got sweet-talked into buying ... a case of Mug rootbeer, Chex mix, Pringles, Fruit Loops with marshmallows, a family sized bag of Chips Ahoy, chocolate chip PopTarts ... a hoard of neverending snacks for the bottomless pit named Brandon Taylor!  

Felony

 Adding to the roasting heat and biting bugs at the football field is a New York lady sitting right next to me angrily SCREAMING in my ear after every play.  Really??!! Apparently her son’s name or nickname is “Megatron.” I know because it’s ringing in my ears.  She keeps YELLING “Watch the ball” but it sounds like “Watch the bull” which is annoying me even more.  I must have been mistaken that this is 10U rec football ... it’s apparently the Super Bowl. I’m about to commit a second felony at the ball-field already this season, but this time NOT involving snow cones.

Jaguar

 (2018) So Bran calls and informs me that he accidentally backed his truck into a car tonight. What kind of car? A Jaguar, of course. What are the odds of this in Royston, Georgia?! You can’t make this stuff up.

Sabin

This is why Bran hates to have sports conversations with me ...

Bran (age 15):  Mom, wouldn't it be awesome if I went Alabama to play for Nick Sabin?

Me:  That would be cool, but I seriously hope that guy would have GRADUATED by the time you get there to start playing football!  That'd be sort of sad and actually ridiculous if he was still in college that long without graduating.”

Bran:  Mom ... Nick Sabin is the COACH.

Me: Oh.

Phone

 You know you might be slightly tired and overworked when... you can’t find your phone at school all morning and then when you go to get your sandwich out of the faculty room refrigerator at lunch, you find your ice cold phone in there along with your sandwich. 😂😂😂 #losingit #literally

Brown

 I hate when I'm trying to buy makeup online and they try and use real creative names for the colors  ... I just need some BROWN eyeliner, but the choices I have are "Dance Fever", "Ice Pixie" or "Brazen Rain".  Can I just find BROWN, please?! Which of these is BROWN??!! 

Pinball Wizard

 Jesus take the wheel ... and the radIo station controls PLEASE!!!! Robert Skeet Taylor is blasting hideous 70s music from HIS era all the way up to see Bran in Royston!!! What the heck is The Pinball Wizard and can it please go away FOREVER???!!!! 😂😂😂

Prodigy

 (2014) 

“Had NO IDEA that I was raising a child prodigy.  I was getting my nails done yesterday and Lily picked out a color that I actually loved, so I decided I'd use it.  In complete seriousness she said, "Well, I AM sort of a genius about nail polish."  WOW!  Didn't realize I had birthed the Albert Einstein of the nail color world!  Good to know!”

Mom

 Story of my life ... I’m sure many of you can relate!!! 😂😂😂

Bacteria

 Buddy was very excited when we got home tonight and was licking Lily all over her face.  Skeet said, "Lily, don't let Buddy lick your face.  He has bacteria!" to which LIly replied, "Oh Dad!  Those are just LOVE germs!"

Snow Cones

 I have come to the realization that without air conditioning, I would be a mean, lonely hermit with NO friends or maybe even be in JAIL.  I get SO grouchy and irritable when I'm SUPER hot!  Case in point, after Lily's cheer photos last week on a SCORCHING HOT turf football field in the dead middle of the hottest afternoon in August (and I was stupidly wearing sweat pants), Lily asked if she could have a snow cone when we were done.  OF COURSE, the snow cone truck was parked RIGHT in the sun and I was already super grouchy from sweating to death in the 100 degree afternoon sun in sweatpants!  Sweat was actually dripping down my nose, which made me SUPER grumpy and irritated!  At any rate, I begrudgingly got in the line (no shade, mind you) for a small, Coke flavored snow cone, and the lady in front me proceeds to order SIX LARGE SNOW CONES!!!  Are you kidding me?!!  THEN, she asked the guy to name ALL the sugar free flavors first before choosing.  She then sends her daughter to inquire about what flavors all the siblings want, which fluctuated about ten times from Pina Colado to Blue Raspberry! After an eternity in the boiling sun waiting for her snow cone buffet to be ready, she looks at the snow cones the man is setting on the counter for her and says she needs MORE flavor on ALL of them!!!!  THEN, she takes sample bites of each one and starts to walk away, but NOT before coming back to the window to ask for extra napkins.  I literally almost committed a snow cone FELONY at the window before that lady was finished!  THANKFULLY we got into our air conditioned car to leave and narrowly escaped my hot, angry descent into a life of crime.

Fan

 I am cracking up ... I "liked" a page that said "Like if you are a Jason Aldean fan."  Well now I'm a "fan" of some page called "I Love Southern Boys" and there hasn't been ONE post about Jason Aldean, but there's been about 100 posts of photos of muscle-y cowboys with no shirts on!  Not exactly what I thought I was signing up for!!!!!!  I kept scrolling down my page wondering, "WHO is sending me all these cowboy pictures?!!!" 😂😂😂

Mars and Venus

 Funny memory from a few years back ... Brenda J Boone Klaas

Hilarious exchange between Grammie and Brandon tonight ...  I call it Brandon is from Mars, Grammie is from Venus ....

Brandon:  I put a Browning sticker on the back of my new truck.

Grammie:  A brownie sticker?

Brandon:  No, BROWNING.

Grammie:  What is Browning?

Brandon:  It's like a hunting and gun brand at Bass Pro Shop.

Grammie:  (Frowning with disapproval)

Brandon:  I also put one of these stickers on it (pointing to his shirt)

Grammie:  What is that?  A bomb?!

Brandon:  Um, no ... it's the Oakley logo.

Grammie:  Oakley?!  I've never heard of that!  What do they make?!!!  Bullets?  Knives?!!

Brandon:  Sunglasses.

Heaven

 Love this from when the Dyl was about 8...

I overheard Brandon and Dylan talking in their room after I had put them to bed last night ... Dylan leaned over the bunk bed and enthusiastically said, "Brandon, Heaven is going to be AWESOME!  There are going to be talking dogs and you get to play video games with Jesus!"  He then paused and thought a moment before saying, "I sure hope He knows how to play."

Meow

 (2016) Lily sang along PERFECTLY with every single country song that came on in the car today as we were running errands ... Florida Georgia Line, Jason Aldean, Luke Bryan ... the only problem was that instead of the lyrics to the songs, she would sing "meow" to EVERY SINGLE WORD!  It was her day to be a "kitty" and I thought I would lose my mind on what became the longest car ride in history!  

Japanese

 We took Bran to a Japanese restaurant last weekend and it reminded me of a hilarious story. When Dyl was about four, he was terrified of the big fire at the hibachi grill at our local Japanese restaurant. While the cook was preparing the grill, Dylan was happily playing with this super cheap, large plastic tiger we’d gotten at the Dollar Store. When the big fire ensued, Dyl was cringing and obviously really frightened so the cook guy was trying to reassure him and make him feel better.  To be funny, he took Dylan’s tiger and waved it through the flames saying that the fire was not scary and wouldn’t hurt him. We were all laughing and smiling during this display UNTIL he handed the big plastic tiger back to Dyl and the whole face had melted off in the flames!!! You should have seen the look on Dylan’s face!! 😂😂😂 I still laugh out LOUD remembering how shocked we all were, including the chef guy,  at the melted tiger blob he pulled from the flames! We bring it up EVERY TIME we eat Japanese food, and crack up every time!!!

Robbers

 (2011) We were reading a "Dear God" book tonight before we went to bed about having a bad temper.  After the book, Dylan pondered very seriously, "Mom, God even loves robbers, though He's kind of depressed about them."  VERY true, but cracked me up!

Lobster

I was at the dollar store this evening picking up a few items for my class. A man in the store was literally yelling at the top of his lungs to his wife across the store,”THEY GOT LOBSTER EGGROLLS! THEY GOT LOBSTER EGGROLLS! THEY GOT LOBSTER EGGROLLS! “ As if that wasn’t weird enough, I couldn’t even stomach the thought of what the dollar store was passing off as “lobster” in those frozen one dollar packs of egg rolls! Sounds like a food poisoning fiasco waiting to happen… 🤢  Pretty sure eating the glue sticks I was purchasing would’ve been a safer bet than ingesting those hideous eggrolls! 😂😂😂 #lobsterimposter 🦞

Unicorn

(2012) In all seriousness, Lily Claire just came up to me and said, "Mom, do you remember that time that me you, Daddy, Dylan, Bran, Grammie, and Papaw were all riding on that unicorn one day?" .... ummmm... I"m not quite remembering that as much!

Badge

(2014) I was excitedly telling Lily tonight that she is going to join Sunbeams in  the fall.  It's a program similar to Girl Scouts that we have at our church.  I was a Sunbeam as a little girl, so I was explaining that she could earn lots of badges for things like art and camping and gardening, etc.  She thought a minute and replied in all seriousness, "I hope there is a badge for unicorn spotting."  Hmmmm ... don't recall that one  ... but it would make a cool looking badge!

Summer

(2010) Watched the boys playing baseball in the cul de sac tonight as the sun went down and listened to Lily giggling and running around the house  ... love these summer evenings

Relish

(2018) Lily and I were at Kroger yesterday, and I was buying some egg salad at the deli. I said to Lily that I hoped it didn’t have relish in it because I don’t like relish.
Lily: What’s relish?
Me: It’s sort of like chopped up pickles. I don’t like it.
Lily: Oh! It’s what Papaw puts on his hot dogs!
Me: Yes!
Lily: No, I don’t like relish. And I don’t like hot dogs either!
Me: You don’t like hot dogs??
Lily: No. Well ... I guess if it was the Great Depression I’d eat one, but otherwise no.
😂😂😂😂 Ok! Good to know we have our Great Depression plan in place!!
🌭 🌭 🌭 🌭 🌭 🌭 🌭 🌭

Floor

(2017) Life with Brandon Taylor 101:  if your mom piles all the clothes, socks, hats, food wrappers, and Gatorade bottles from your floor to your bed, don't do something ridiculous like put it all away. Just sleep on a tiny open space on the floor instead. 🙄 #collegestudentlogic

Super Old

Bran was telling me tonight about some car show he had been watching on TV and he said, "Cool, Mom, they totally remodeled this REALLY SUPER, SUPER OLD, OLD CAR so it looks good now ... it was some car made in the 1970s!"  Um .. thanks, Bran.

Cleaners

Embarrassing moment of the day:  I took some clothes from our trip to the dry cleaners and obviously had not done a good job of sorting out the clothes in my suitcase when we got back.  Point in case:  after I dropped off the clothes to be cleaned, the nice, Indian dry cleaner man chased me down in the parking lot to return a pair of my underwear and a bra I had mixed in with the dry cleaning.  Nice.

Communication

(2013)

Ahhh, yes ... ever since the dawn of time, men have a hard time communicating with women.  Today, a little boy at the pool kept wanting to get Lily's attention and play with her in the water.  His tactic?  Hitting her with a beach ball in the head and getting right in her face and shouting over and over "LET'S PLAY DEAD BABY SHARK!"  Needless to say, Lily went kicking away angrily in the OPPOSITE direction with her Mermaid Barbie and My Little Ponies screaming, "NO!  I do NOT want to play dead baby shark!!!!"  Sorry fella.  Better luck next time!

Twins

(2013) Just told Dylan that the panda at the zoo had twins!  "Aren't ALL pandas pretty much twins?"  he asked.  Good point.

Faulty

(2014) The faulty brain waves of sixteen year old boys, as evidenced by my conversation with Bran in the truck tonight ...
Me:  We're going to have a Fourth of July party at our house.
Bran:  When?

Beef Jerky

(2016) Brandon Taylor made me laugh out loud today at Walmart!  He was begging me to buy him some $6 bag of Beef Jerky and I happened to spot a $1 bag of "Great Value" brand Beef Jerky instead. (FYI, I almost ALWAYS buy store brands.)  "Mom!" he groaned with disdain, "That is probably made from giraffe meat."  .... We bought the $6 bag to be safe.  Hahahahahaha!!!!!

Grandma

We were at Chili’s tonight and the young waitress looked at Skeet and said, “Here’s your ribs, sir.” Then she looked at Lily and said, “And here’s your chicken pasta.” Then she put my plate in front of me and sweetly said, “And here’s fajitas for grandma.”  What?! Seriously? #thisreallyhappened #NOtip  😧😂

Jesus

(2014) A little theology with Lily on the ride home today ... her questions ...
Does God ever spill anything?
If God gets thirsty and has to go get a drink, is He still watching you?
Are there roller skates in heaven?
Does Jesus eat steak?

Hmmmm ... good questions!  I think my answers were no, yes, yes, and yes.  I mean, is it really heaven without steak and roller skaters??  I think not!

Errands

Robert Skeet Taylor and I were running errands today and we pulled into PGA Golf store.
"Come in with me," he said. "There's LOTS of cool stuff to look at in here!"
After approximately three minutes inside the store I realized I had been a victim of fake news. 😂😂😂

102

(2014) Remember that I mentioned that it is 102 degrees here in Myrtle Beach?  I just discovered that Lily left a half eaten Hershey bar in the back seat of my car two days ago ....

Fireflies

Wow! My backyard is twinkling and shimmering with oodles of fireflies! #southernsummernight❤️

Date

(2014) Bran has a movie date tonight with a very sweet girl from school. A glimpse into a mother/teenage son conversation in the car today ...
Me: What time is the movie?
Bran: Seven. Can we pick her up in my truck?
Me:  Sure. Do you have money?
Bran: A little but did you know it's SIXTEEN DOLLARS for popcorn and stuff??!!!!
Me: I'll buy the tickets so you can buy her some popcorn     ...
Me again: and be sure and take a shower before you go ...
Me again: AND put on deodorant ....
Me again: and fix your hair so it won't look weird from your baseball hat ...
Bran: (giving me bad looks more frequently now)
Me again: and don't wear a tank top ,,,
Bran: (wishing he could jump out of the moving vehicle he's stuck in with me)  ...
Me again: and ..
Bran:  (with great disdain and eye rolling) MOM!! Ok!!!!! I'm good!!!! Duh!!  I'm not going to wear a TANK TOP!!!!!!!
Me:  I just had to check to make sure that wasn't in your realm of possibility.
Bran: Defeated sigh.
The moral of this tale:  All women of the free world should forever be grateful to the mothers of malekind that they have money to pay for popcorn, they do not stink or have smashed up hat hair, and they do NOT show up in raggedy Bob Marley tank tops on said dates. You are welcome.

Stuck

(2012) After I took Bran to his double header an hour early in Loganville today, I was going to be "super fun mom" and take Dylan and Lily to this McDonalds nearby to eat and play in the playground thing (I usually say NO when they want to do that!).  Of course, Lily got STUCK in the top of the playground that went TO THE CEILING and I had to CLIMB through all the tubes to get her down!!!!  I could barely fit in the tubes and my knees kept creaking and cracking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Nice.  I ran in to some little kid in one of the tubes and she said, "Why are YOU in here?"  GOOD QUESTION, KID! I guess there is a reason why 42 year olds don't have 4 year olds!!!!

Epic

(2014) Eleven year old boys crack me up!  Dyl has three neighborhood friends over for an impromptu sleep over and they are playing video games, playing with old plastic wrestlers from eBay, and eating hamburger helper on paper plates.  I just heard one of the boys say, "This sleepover is EPIC!  The best one EVER!"  AND, apparently, my trash can lid that opens and closes by itself is "SICK" ... which is a HUGE compliment in "boy world!"  Please don't be jealous, other moms, of how awesome I am.  Hahahaaaaa!!!

Fifteen

(2018) Five fifteen year old boys + four pizzas + ten Gatorades + one basketball = summertime at the Taylor house ❤️🙂☀️🍕🏀

Success

(2014) Bran was a smashing success as a babysitter for Lily tonight!  They watched Spongebob, ate fettuccine noodles that Bran made, and caught lightning bugs in a jar.  Lily had a blast!  Good job Bran!

Snippets

(2014)
Conversations with Lily are always interesting!  A few snippets from today as we were running errands ...
"Does Jesus drink Coke?
Then inside a store, "I'll push the cart Mama, since you're a little bit old."
"I wish God was a girl .. that'd be better."
And, after we saw a funeral procession with a white hearse with flashing lights, "OH MY GOSH!!!  A PRINCESS IS IN TOWN!!"

Babysit

(2015) Bran is babysitting LIly for me tonight for the first time while I go with Skeet to a business dinner.  When we were in the car, I told him, "Bran, you'll get paid $5 an hour for babysitting tonight." From the backseat Lily said, "So Bran has to pay me $5 to babysit me?"  Not quite, Lily!!

Teenagers

During the summer months, a lot of teenagers are working at the stores and fast food restaurants (my son included), which can sometimes lead to some pretty funny experiences. (To get the full effect here, you have to make the teenager voice below sound like a sort-of clueless surfer dude ...) ANYWAY, the other day, Papaw drove through Sonic to get a large strawberry limeade drink, and after he ordered, the teenage worker piped through the speaker asking, "So ... would you like ketchup and mustard with that, sir?"  Ummm .. no thanks.  Trying to cut back on the ketchup on my limeades these days.   THEN, Bran and I drove through Sonic a few days later and ordered a "vanilla ice cream with hot fudge."  The teenager voice came back through the speaker, "So ... like ... that will be one diet coke with hot fudge?"  Ummm ... no.  We don't usually get hot fudge ON our diet coke.  We were CRACKING up!  Keep up the good work, teenagers!  Feeling real confident about ALL of our futures with you guys next up to run the world.  :)

Future

(2012) Lily Claire informed me today that she is going to grow up and be a "gorgeous fairy", have a wedding, and have a little baby named Pinky Flower.  She's got her future all mapped out apparently!

Jingle Bells

(2016) Fellow moms out there will know that, every now and then, those "teachable moments" crop up when we can impart some sort of "life lesson" or "wisdom of the ages" to our children.   Case in point, the other day, Dylan and I were in a store, and he had to wait outside of the ladies room for me.  I told him to stay right by the cart and keep a careful eye on my wallet and keys while I dashed in and out. When I came out of the restroom, he had done just fine and had been sitting there, diligently holding my wallet in his hands.

As I was saying, "Good job" it dawned on me that I also needed to impart one more bit of motherly advice in this moment.  So I added, "Now you know, Dylan, if someone had come by and tried to take that wallet from you, I would want you to just give it to the guy so you would be safe.  I'd rather you be safe than worry about my wallet.  Anything in the wallet can be replaced, but you are irreplaceable."

Looking confused, Dylan responded, "So I should just GIVE the guy the wallet if he tries to steal it from me?"

"Yes," I said, pleased that my impromptu life lesson was obviously a smashing success.

"That's not what Daddy said to do,"  Dylan replied.

My heart warmed in that moment as I realized that Robert Skeet Taylor, too, had taken it upon himself to pass along some fatherly advice to Dylan about this very thing.  "Good job, Daddy," I smiled and thought to myself as I waited for Dylan to elaborate with some timeless nugget of fatherly wisdom.

"No," Dylan continued cheerfully, "Daddy said that if someone ever tried to steal something from me, I should kick the guy in the jingle bells and run like crazy."

Long silence (by me, as I am now speechless) ......  as I stare at a proud, grinning Dylan.

You know, somehow I just don't recall any such father/son wisdom between Andy and Opie or Ward Cleaver and the Beaver, or even one single "jingle bells" episode of  "Father Knows Best"...  I mean, imagine that!  Leave it to the sheer eloquence of the Taylor men of MY household.  Skeet Taylor ... REALLY?!!!  :)

Summer

You know it’s summer when your Walmart cart contains Scrabble, bubbles, water balloons, popsicles, and Cheese Puffs! 😂😂😂

Crayons

(2013) Lily is definitely my child ... she is sitting beside me playing with her crayons but she has them all lined up in a row and has named all of them.  They are apparently a crayon family and they are all talking to each other.  Sophie, the pink crayon, is especially talkative and is telling all the other crayons what to do!  I am cracking up!

Cheap

I have been crowned “mother of the year” yet again! Today I was at the Dollar Store loading up my cart with snacks for my kids to munch on at the pool. I headed over to the pet aisle and was about to put some doggy treats into my cart for Buddy. I stopped myself thinking, “Ewww, no. I don’t want Buddy to eat anything from the cheap Dollar Store! It might be gross or make him sick!” Then, without hesitation, I proceeded to the checkout to buy all the snacks for my OWN CHILDREN to eat ... from the cheap Dollar Store!! 😂😂😂 Sorry, kids ... I guess Buddy lives a little more high on the hog than you three!! 😂😂😂😂 #bestmomever
#buddyisthefavorite

Summertime

(2013) Summertime is in full swing at the Taylor house ... Bran has three friends over after baseball practice to "hang out" and eat pizza and Lily Claire has two little friends from the neighborhood up in her room playing princesses and eating sandwiches.  In another hour or so, we'll head out to watch Dylan's baseball game this evening.  Good times!

ESPN

(2013) I am cracking up at Brandon because he is OUTRAGED that ESPN is showing some international spelling bee instead of baseball.  A cruel twist of fate for a 15 year old boy stuck at home this evening!  Hahahahaha!!!

Southern

(2013) I am definitely raising a Southern girl!  I just asked Lily Claire what she wanted for a snack and she answered, "Yo-Grits", which is what she thought was the name for "yogurt."  Love it!

Bloated

(2013) Dylan and Lily are going to watch a Lego Batman movie and they want me to get out the air mattress for them to lay on while they watch.  Lil just came running into my room and said, "Mom!  We need to get the air mattress all bloated up!"

Sweating

(2013) Had a lunch date with the kids after the puppet show this morning!  They wanted to go to McDonalds so they could also play on the playground.  When we first got there, I told them to go play, but within a few seconds Lily had come back to the table. In an APPALLED voice she told me, "I do NOT want to play in there right now because there is a kid in there who is SWEATING!"  Well, heaven forbid.  Once the offensive "sweat-er" left, she decided she'd go on in and play!  Good grief!!  After that, she and Dyl had a good time in the playground pretending to be a magic princess and a mean bear on the prowl ... all I know is there was a lot of squealing and running and growling going on in there!  Sure hope there was no SWEATING going on!

Isaac

I am cracking myself up at how happy I am being in my PJs watching Love Boat reruns after a fun day at the pool with my kids!  Doesn't take much for my contentment ... now if Isaac could just bring me a smoothie from the Alcapulco lounge, life would be perfect!  Hahahaaa!

Breach

One of my favorites...
Ok, really?!  We went out for lunch today and a lady stopped to admire some jewelry I was wearing.  As I am about to say "thank you" for her nice compliment, Robert Skeet Taylor shouts out, "It's not real."  Seriously???   Woman code 101 has just been seriously breached. Why don't you go ahead and tell the whole place that I have fake highlights in my hair from a drugstore box and my glowing complexion comes from a tube and that it's not my real figure because I have on a tummy control shaper under my dress?!  Any man in his right mind should know you DO NOT spill the time honored "woman" secrets!  Honestly.  Men are from another planet. 😂😂👽

Float

This dude at the pool keeps yelling at his middle school daughter to be careful on her pool float so she doesn’t knock into other people, but instead of yelling “be careful” he keeps screaming “be situationally aware.” Ummmm ... ok. 😂😂😂. #cooldadaward

Electricity

(2013) Life with two brothers means that everything gets eaten or used up before Lily Claire can get to it, most of the time!  Whenever we buy chocolate milk or doughnuts or ANYTHING, it is usually all gone by the next day when Lily is looking for it, because the boys have gotten to it first.  It makes her really mad!  Anyway, she went into the pantry this week and the light bulb had burned out.  She came out with her hands on her hips, scowling, and said, "Great!  Now the brothers have used up all the electricity, too!"

Princess

(2010) When Lily got out of the bath and put on her pink Disney princess nighgrown this evening, she informed me, "I a princess too, Mama"  Gosh ... wonder where she got that idea??!!

Lucky

Robert Skeet Taylor, you are quite possibly the luckiest man on earth. All I could find tonight to put on my poison ivy was diaper rash cream, so it is currently all over my face and neck and hands and arms and ears. Paired with its delightful smell and my scratching, it looks especially nice with the old flannel PJ pants I’m wearing that are covered with faded polar bears. I’m also stopped up from the pollen, so I have a breathe-right strip on my nose, and my contacts were hurting my eyes so I have on black glasses with rhinestones. Skeet couldn’t ask for more gorgeous dream woman to hang out with tonight!!  #luckyman 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Hunk

(2013) Lily was describing Robert Skeet Taylor at lunch: "a person with black white gray hair, wrinkly forehead, hairy arms, and a scratchy face." WHAT A HUNK!!  I am laughing soooo hard!!! 😂😂😂

Golf

Conversations I had with Skeet on the golf course today… He’s such a lucky man to have me by his side!! 😂😂😂 Wonder if he’ll invite me again soon?

“It’s humid out here”
“Uh oh. I hope you brought a lot of balls.”
“That lake is like a putt putt trap.”
“I’m going to watch from the shade.”
“Aww! Look at that cute dog!”
“I am going to look this tree up on plant app ...”
“I need a drink.”
“Somebody left tees everywhere.”
“They need to empty the trash out here.”
“Why are you using that club?”
“I’m sweating.”
“The woods are lovely, dark, and deep...”
“Woah! Look where this ball is. Somebody did terrible.”
“ I wonder who designs the shape of the sand traps.”
“Don’t get poison ivy getting your ball.”
“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood...”
“Maybe you should’ve brought your glasses.”
“What’s with all the ant hills?”
“Hold on. My tennis shoe hurts.”
“This is a no judgement zone.”
“That dude must be burning up in that long sleeve shirt.”
“Oops. It’s ok. Try again.”
“Look at all the dandelions!”
“Wow. We look super white in these shorts. We need a tan.”
“Are there fish in this lake? I just saw bubbles!”
“Don’t hit that guy over there.”
“They should make golf balls out of stuff that fish can eat for when they go in the lake.”
“Should I stop keeping score?”

Termites

So the termite exterminators come at the crack of dawn this morning (the yearly check, we don't actually have termites) ... I thought they would just spray some stuff and leave us our letter.  Of course not!  The man gives me a long speech about the option to have them drill into the basement floor and into all the outside bricks and the front porch with their jack hammer and how "it might look bad at first but it'll settle down after a while."  Oh yeah and also the holes could cause some "flooding problems. Do I want him to do that?"  Um ... NO!!!  What on earth? Just squirt some spray, mister!!!!

Job

(2011) Another Dylan moment ... I was laying in his bed with him before he fell asleep and he asked, "Mom, when you grow up do you have to have a job?"  Of course, I said, "Yes, if you want to have a house and food!"  Dylan thought a moment then said, "Yea, and if you don't have a job you'd be drunk all the time and have a fat stomach."  WHERE does he get this stuff?!  He cracks me up!

Praise

One of my sweet fourth grade boys said to me today, "Mrs. Taylor, the only better woman in my life other than you is my mother."  Absolutely precious. I don't think there is any higher praise possible than that!

Work Force

(2015) There is seriously something wrong with today's work force. At his request, I bought Bran a "virtual" gift card to Burger King from their own webpage so he could drive through and get some breakfast on his way to school. This was in February. He hasn't been able to use it yet because every time he goes there, the workers say they don't know how to use it. On the paper itself it says exactly what the worker needs to do to enter it into the cash register!  At any rate, I stopped by to finally work it all out yesterday and the teenage worker told me,  "You can't use that here because nothing from the Burger King website or apps works in our store.  You can only use it online."  Huh?  I shouldn't have, but I replied, "That's really odd. So you're saying I need to order a Whopper and fries online with this gift card and have it shipped to me?"
Guess what the worker answered?....  "Yes."
Good grief. I just gave up at that point!! Guess I'll be making a call to their corporate offices ... Or I'll just order up a bunch of burgers tonight online for UPS to deliver in 3-5 business days.

Lucky

(2015) What a super lucky mom I am! Dyl and his friends used a big stick to drag this dead snake from two streets down all the way to our driveway so I could see it. They were so proud of themselves, all I could do was choke out a weak, "Wow guys" before encouraging them to drag it off somewhere else! 🤢🤢🤢😂😂 #parentingboysnotfortheweak

Classy

A girl on Say Yes to the Dress just said she wants a sexy dress so she can "booty pop" at her wedding.  Wow .... Classy.

Laundry

Seriously considering burning all the dirty laundry in a bonfire in the backyard rathering than doing it all today!  No one would notice a twenty foot burning pile of cloth in my backyard, would they?!!!

Gerbil

(2013) Lily just asked me if she could have a JEWEL-BALL.  ????  Finally realized she was trying to say GERBIL!  I think the Jewel-Ball is a better option.

Heaven

Wow ... Perfect "almost summer" evening in Georgia. Taking a walk alone ... 63 degrees, breeze blowing, the sun almost ready to dip down for the night...  honeysuckle in the air and Rascal Flatts humming in my ear ... pure heaven for this Southern girl.

Lipstick

(2013)
 So I delivered some news to Lily Claire last night that was followed by ten minutes of uproarious squealing, jumping, twirling, and clapping with delight.  Did I tell her we had won the lottery?!  No.  Did I tell her we were going to Disney World?!  No.  Did I tell her she could wear pink lipstick to her ballet recital tonight?  Yes!  It was a major lipstick celebration at our house.  :)

Criticizing

Irony: I’m watching a survival show with Skeet and I’m sitting here harshly criticizing this lady for complaining and refusing to eat a big slimy stingray they caught with a spear. Then I remember that I won’t even eat at Waffle House. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Cure

(2012) You gotta love 3rd grade baseball ... it was super hot at the field, one kid overheated, one kid broke his thumb, the team lost .... but the coaches took them to Dairy Queen after the game so all was right with the world!  Apparently, a chocolate dipped ice cream cone is the best cure for just about anything when you're 8 years old!

Cough

(2012)  Lily kept coughing tonight so I told her I needed to give her some cough medicine.  She thought a minute and said, "No Mom, I need some NOT cough medicine."  Good point, actually!!!

Shot

(2013)  Lily Claire had her five year old check up today to get ready for Kindergarten registration on Thursday. When discussing her finger prick tonight, she said to me, "I needed a band-aid for my finger today because the doctor shot it."

Girls

(2014)

Yep .... Middle school is on the horizon!  Dyl asked tonight if he could invite some GIRLS to his birthday party at the skating rink.  Those ole yucky girls aren't seeming so bad anymore! 😉. The more things change, the more they stay the same ... girls, pizza, and and skating rinks STILL add up to livin' the dream for an eleven year old boy!

Mouse

Most HORRIBLE event of my day.... I noticed that the outside recycle bin was full of rain water so I gingerly picked it up and dumped out the water right near my foot. Out slid a stiff drowned mouse ... I FREAKED and am still completely creeped out!  I think I may have to take a sick day tomorrow for severe mental distress and trauma!! This definitely ranks up there with the time the squirrel jumped out at me from the outdoor trashcan onto my shoulder ... I am no longer having anything to do with the trash around here!!

Survival

Robert Skeet Taylor loves the show Naked and Afraid, and I must admit, it sucks me in every time! The other night while we were watching an episode, I asked him, “Do you think we could survive 21 days in some terrible, wilderness, survival situation?”
Skeet: No answer.
Me: What?? You don’t??
Skeet: Not really.
Me: ... Why?? Would I be the weak link?!
Skeet: No answer. (smart man)
Sheesh!! I have NO IDEA why he would think that!! I only constantly complain if I’m tired, hungry, thirsty, hot, cold, dirty, itchy, cut, scratched, sunburned, sore, scared, wet, damp, near a bug, or in any way slightly uncomfortable!  WHY would I not be the ideal partner in the jungle for a month?! 😂😂😂 Skeet must be crazy to pass up that kind of paradise!

Ragamuffin

(2011) Whenever Lily Claire has been outside playing and she looks a mess, I tell her she looks like a little "rag-a-muffin."  Today she had a checkup at the doctor and I told her we needed to brush her hair, to which she replie, "Why?  Am I a "mag -a -ruffin?"

Mouse

(2011) TERRIFIED ... I've been leaving the deck door open on nice evenings so Lily can play in the backyard and this evening I saw a MOUSE in our house.  I am FREAKED OUT!  I just went and bought a million traps from Ace Hardware! I think I might never come in my house again!!!!!

British Lit

(2016)
Helping Bran with a paper for his British Lit class tonight that is about how the Victorian ideals of the time were portrayed in Dickens' Oliver Twist and how he used the novel to attack the Poor Laws of the time, etc.  I am all enthused and loving every second of it and remembering how much I LOVE everything about this time period and topic. Meanwhile, Bran is miserable writing this paper and says to me,"Seriously ...  This is completely useless and and no normal person cares about a bunch of poems that make no sense and all these long, confusing stories ....What kind of weird person would go to college and get a whole degree in this stuff!!?"  Long awkward pause.  "Um.  That would be me, son."  Nice backpedalling, Bran. Yes, he is definitely his father's son.  😄 Hahaaaa!!!

13

(2013) By the way, Brandon had a GREAT 13th birthday, though I think he fully expected to wake up on that day with a full mustache and a drivers license. :)  Sorry buddy ... Give it a few more years!

Skunk

(2013) Dylan came home all dirty and sweaty from his batting practice then played outside until dark.  When he came in, Lily took one step toward him and said sternly, "Dylan, you better go get a bath or your friends will think you're a skunk."  No one loves you like your sibilings!!!  Hahahaha!!

Baby Book

(2013) I pulled out Brandon's baby book of pictures to show him tonight and Lily rushed over and said, "Ooooo ... I want to look at Bran's remem-bories"!

Broadway

(2014) PROUD PROUD parent moment ... Dylan has a part in the 5th grade school musical.  He is CAMPER ITCH-ALOT and apparently he has to "scratch alot".  His one line is, "The mosquitoes are eating me alive!"  Watch out BROADWAY ... I'm sure he will be discovered with this amazing break-out role!!

Cow

(2014) Bran was recounting to me a recent dinner he had at an Italian restaurant.  He said the waitress came and asked him if he wanted a Caesar salad or mixed greens.  He said he knew he didn't like Caesar so he order the mixed greens, not really knowing what it was.  He said in shock, "Mom, when they brought the salad, the leaves were ALL PURPLE!!!!  And then I asked for ranch dressing and they said the dressing was already on it and I couldn't see ANYTHING.  I felt like I was eating grass, like some cow, but I didn't want to say anything and seem rude."  CRACKED me up!!!

Doubles

Dylan hit four doubles in his games yesterday… he’s now playing baseball the same way that he eats! 🍔🍔🍔🍔⚾️❤️😂
#DT #favoriteshortstop

Invest

I am cracking up that beside my $10.01 balance in my savings account, Wells Fargo posted a big red-flag notice that says IT’S TIME TO INVEST! In what??? Some items from the Dollar Store?! 😂😂😂 #wrongcustomer

Marshmallows

(2010) Skeet bought Dylan a big bag of mini-marshmallows and now he's the new George Washington Carver of marshmallows!  So far he's had peanut butter, jelly, and marshmallow sandwiches, marshmallow cinammon toast, marshmallow and Cocoa Puffs cereal, marshmallow milk ... you name it and Dylan has put marshamallows on it!

YMCA

(2014) Bran just asked me if I would put a mix on his IPod of some cool rock songs he can listen to while he snowboards, WHICH he qualified with "... and NOT YMCA by Various Artists" like last time!"  Excuse me?!    Since when is a generic Drew's Party Hits version of YMCA not cool?!  I personally think that's pretty edgy stuff.  Hahahahahaaaa!

Mystery

Easter mystery  ... WHY will my children gleefully pick up 100 plastic eggs from the lawn, but groan when they have to pick up one sock off the floor of their room?!  Maybe I should give them cute Easter baskets for collecting their dirty clothes and trash and dishes!

Scratches

I had a sweet memory today. I was cleaning the master bathroom this morning, and as I was scrubbing the sink on Skeet’s side, I noticed all sorts of scratches in the sink. It reminded me that when Brandon was little I used to let him play “car wash” in that sink with his Hot Wheels. He would take all his cars outside and get them real dirty running them through the dirt and grass and then we would line them all up to go into the car wash in sink in the bathroom. He would zoom the cars all around in the bubbles and water and play for hours! Yes, I have scratches all in the marble sink, but I’m glad I do. ❤️

Blind

Guess I was cheering too loudly for Dyl at his ballgame because Lily turned to me and said, “Sshhhh, Mom! You’re making my ears go blind!!” 😂😂😂

Starving

I got a text today from Brandon that made me laugh harder than I’ve laughed in a long time! So, the other night, very late, he calls me and says, “Mom, I’m hungry after my games. Can you send me some Ramen Noodles and a microwave bowl?” (no ovens in dorms). OF COURSE, what I HEARD was, “Mom, I’m dying of starvation and fading away into nothingingness. I am miserable and alone far, far away. Help me!!!!!” I JUMP onto the computer in the middle of the night and immediately order him four cases of Ramen Noodles, the bowl, AND macaroni and cheese cups, cookies, Sunny Delight, Goldfish, Little Debbie Easter cakes, and a 24 jumbo variety pack of Gatorade, all to be shipped to his dorm ASAP! In my defense, what else could I do after getting what I believed to be a DESPERATE SOS call from my baby who is living far away at college saying he’s HUNGRY (a Southern mother’s WORST NIGHTMARE)! I may have panicked just a little. At any rate, I get this text from him today with the caption “Hey mom, I need food” and a video of what got delivered to the post office up the street from his dorm  which is now in his tiny car to be hauled back to his tiny room. I have never laughed so hard in my LIFE! Oops. Well, at least I can sleep easy tonight knowing my son is definitely NOT going to be hungry tonight … or for the next six months, apparently!! 😂😂😂

Compliments

So all my friends out there know that I am married to a WONDERFUL guy and I love him very much! Robert Skeet Taylor  HOWEVER, he has always been NOTORIOUS for some of things he says to me that he THINKS are compliments!  When we were dating, he told me he was glad I wasn't a beauty queen. (Still not sure how THAT was a compliment but it was supposed to be apparently.)  Another time he told me he was glad that no guys looked at me on the beach.  Ummm ... thank you ... I guess??  Well the other night I had been furiously working in the yard for HOURS and when I came inside all bedraggled and a mess, I looked in the mirror and said to him, "Good grief.  I couldn't look any worse if I tried" to which my adoring husband replied, "Oh sweetie, yes you could." Long awkward pause.  WHAT?!!!!!!  And as usual, after twenty minutes of back peddling and explaining, that of course wasn't what he meant!  Geez!  Anyone know where I can sign up an ALMOST perfect husband for eloquence lessons?  I know a guy who needs them!!

Old

You know you’re getting old when first, your third graders can actually sucker you into letting them form a rock collection all along the top of your teacher laptop keyboard at school and second, when you put your reading glasses on and realize that for all these weeks, one of the treasured “rocks” in the collection is actually an old piece of fried Chick-fil-A chicken  from a biscuit you ate at your desk in January. 😂😂😂 #teacherlife
#cantmakethisstuffup

Waste

A typical Skeet/Jen conversation last night, this time about Buddy…

Skeet, disgustedly looking at a new chew toy that Buddy had already destroyed: Look at this! Buddy has already torn this thing to shreds!!!
Jen: You’re mad that he chewed up a chew toy? Think of all the fun he had tonight playing with it!
Skeet: That is a huge waste of money!
Jen: Is it a huge waste of money when you chew up a cookie?
Skeet: (Silent resignation) Buddy continues happily chewing.
😂😂😂🐶🐶🐶❤️❤️❤️
Bless this poor man who has put up with me, three children, and two dogs for 29 years!

Expensive

Having a Mom for a teacher often means drinking "Dr Thunder" instead of "Dr Pepper",  eating "Whales" instead of "Goldfish", buying "Hydrox Cremes" instead of "Oreos" and having conversations like this one today after school ...
Bran: Mom, can we drive through Sonic? I'm starving.
Me:  No, Sonic is too expensive and I don't have any coupons.  I'll have to go where there's a $1 menu.
Bran: Coupons?!  But you have a twenty dollar bill in your wallet!
Me: Yeah, but it has to last me to the end of the month.
Bran:  It's ok, Mom, that's what DAD is for. (loved that logic!)
Me:  Um, don't tell Dad, but this IS his 20 dollar bill!
Bran (after long pause): Well then ...bring on the $1 menu!

Scarred

Those who know me will attest to the fact that I'm adventurous and will try just about anything once (exempting anything illegal  or immoral! 😉).  However, I am NOT AT ALL adventurous when it comes to food, especially any kind of weird meat.  I can't stand those TV shows where they go to some foreign place and eat a lot of "local delicacies."  I get nauseous within the first five minutes. SOOOO, considering that, I made the ABSOLUTE WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE tonight when I stopped in a food store near my house in the name of expediency that I've never been to before  (store name withheld so I don't hurt anyone's feelings). Y'all .... I should have trusted my instincts when my stomach lurched the moment  we walked In the door. The smells and atmosphere were horrendous, and I didn't recognize even one brand name or food item I'd ever seen before in my life.  As I intrepidly headed toward the meat section to find some simple meatloaf Ingredients, I kept getting queasier and queasier.  I was desperately scanning for ANY  meat I could even identify!  I am not kidding when I say that there were packages of huge wrapped hooves that looked like they were from a big cow or buffalo or something, and big slabs of grayish looking meat wrapped in strings that made my stomach churn. The capper was when I peered down into a refrigerated bin and staring back at me were about six frozen WHOLE lambs heads still with frozen fuzzy wool on them, wrapped in some yellowish cling wrap!  I seriously had to grab Lily's hand and run out of the store before I was completely ILL.  What a nightmare!!  What on earth possessed me to go into a sketchy meat shop to begin with?!  I got OUT OF THERE as fast as I could. Remind me next time to PLEASE take the extra turn into Kroger where I can rest assured that some big frozen animal face won't be greeting me from the meat counter and we won't have to stir-fry giant horse hooves for dinner. I am scarred for life, and Robert Skeet Taylor can't quit laughing at my horrible ordeal!

Around Here

While riding with Bran in his truck today, he turned to me and said, "Hank Williams Jr. A Country Boy Can Survive.  Best. Song. EVER."  Yup.  He's from around here.

Mother of the Year

One of my all time favorite Dylan stories ever... 😂
I have to share my "Mother of the Year" story from this week. I have been crowned once again. 🙂  I noticed that Dylan's tennis shoes were full of holes and completely raggedy, so I threw them away, thinking, "Gosh, this poor kid.  We'll get him a nice, new pair this weekend."  The next morning, while rushing to get to school because I had a parent conference waiting, Dylan was in a panic because he couldn't find his shoes.  I told him to wear another pair because I had thrown away the other ones. Well, of COURSE, he went nuts, saying they were his all- time favorite shoes, etc, etc.  I caved, and said in frustration, "Well get them out of the trash for today, but hurry up!!! We are going to be late!!!"  Dylan fished them out of the trash and when I walked in the kitchen, he was hobbling all over the kitchen shouting in distress,  "Mom!  Something is all over my favorite shoes!" I turn and see that his shoes are COVERED and dripping with spaghetti sauce!!?  What on earth??!   Turns out, UNBEKNOWNST to me, Bran had come down in the middle of the night and made himself a big bowl of noodles with spaghetti sauce and thrown out the leftovers in the very same trash can ... all over Dylan's "sacred" shoes. So, I did what any great mother would do.  I screamed, "BRING THEM TO ME!" I turned on the kitchen faucet , slopped water all over them, and handed them back to Dylan dripping wet saying, "Put them on FAST and get in the car!!! We are going to be late!!!"  What a lucky kid.  He arrived at school that day with shoes not only full of holes, but now stained with spaghetti sauce, smelling like tomatoes, AND squeaking and dripping wet  So glad I made the whole shoe situation so much better for him.  Yes, once again, I am Mother of the Year!  What can you do but laugh?!

Coupons

(2012) Having a Mom for a teacher often means drinking "Dr Thunder" instead of "Dr Pepper",  eating "Whales" instead of "Goldfish", buying "Hydrox Cremes" instead of "Oreos" and having conversations like this one today after school ...
Bran: Mom, can we drive through Sonic? I'm starving.
Me:  No, Sonic is too expensive and I don't have any coupons.  I'll have to go where there's a $1 menu.
Bran: Coupons?!  But you have a twenty dollar bill in your wallet!
Me: Yeah, but it has to last me to the end of the month.
Bran:  It's ok, Mom, that's what DAD is for. (loved that logic!)
Me:  Um, don't tell Dad, but this IS his 20 dollar bill!
Bran (after long pause): Well then ...bring on the $1 menu!

Winnie the Pooh

Tonight we went out to dinner with Mom and Dad and the 20-something waitress at the restaurant noticed I was wearing Tigger and Pooh earrings from school today. She started telling me about how Winnie the Pooh was her favorite character and about her favorite parts of all the Pooh movies she had seen in the past, including quoting some lines from the movies for us. She said that whenever she is eating something she really likes, she always does a dance just like Pooh bear does, and she showed us the dance. She then proceeded to tell us that her husband was an electrician and a chef and he cooked really great meals for her every night. I commented about how awesome that was to have such a great husband, to which her next comment was, “Yeah, and he eats a lot and wears no pants.” I sat there staring awkwardly at her for a few moments, truly at a loss for a response, thinking that might be a bit TOO much information to share about her husband. I think I weakly muttered, “Wow ... cool.”  After she walked away, it dawned on me that she had switched back to talking about Winnie the Pooh with the “eating a lot” and “no pants”… not her husband! 😂😂😂 Thank goodness!! Guess I was either too old or too tired to follow the conversation!

Daddy

(2015) Never let a daddy take his six year old little girl to the grocery store with him ... they came back with a lot of "extras" that weren't on the list, like candy bars and big Valentine cupcakes, etc!  Can you say, "wrapped around her little finger?"  :)   Actually reminds me of ME and a certain Papaw I know!

Mean

(2013) Funny Dylan memory from 2013...
As we were all getting ready for bed tonight, we were talking about all of our Valentines and cupcakes and chocolate and fun from the day.  Dylan asked Skeet,"So how was YOUR Valentine party at work?"  Skeet said, "We didn't have one."  Dylan said, "WHAT?  What did you do all day?"  Skeet replied, "Work."  Dylan angrily replied, "That is MEAN!  I am NEVER working there!"

Peppermint

I made the HUGE mistake of putting Peppermint scented lotion on my feet tonight before bed! Buddy has been licking my feet nonstop and there’s no escape!! It’s tickling me to death and would be super annoying if it weren’t so darn funny!!  #puppyproblems 😂😂

Dreams

I always have vivid dreams, but I've had a fever the past two or three nights, and my dreams have been CRAZY! Case in point ...
1.  I dreamed that we had a Cyber Day for school, but all my students had to come to my house for their lessons.  The nighbors called the sherrif because we were too loud!(that's not far from the truth!)
2.  I dreamed that an emergency vet team showed up at my door and told me that Buddy had contracted a horrible disease at the pet store from being fed tainted caulifower and it'd cost $10,000 for him to be treated and cured.
3.  I dreamed that I replaced all the carpets in my house with turquoise shaq rugs and then regretted it.
4.  I dreamed that I was at the wrong school one morning and when I tried to tell the principal that I was at the wrong place, I had to swim to reach her because the faculty meeting was taking place in a huge pool.
5. I dreamed that a friend was showing me his new house and we had to slide down a creepy, dirty laundry chute to get inside.
Needless to say, I don't feel very RESTED.  Pretty sure I"ll be laying off the Muxinex tonight!

Freshen Up

(2011) Me:  Lily, let's go upstairs and freshen up before we go to Bran's basketball game.
Lily:  Ok, Mama ... let's freshen down, too!

Pink Chicken

(2013) Lily Claire has been sick this week so as we were snuggling in her bed and she asked me to tell her a story.  When I asked what story she wanted, she replied, "The Pink Chicken Who Has To Do Everything."  Finally figured out she meant "The Little Red Hen"!  I'm feeling a bit like that pink chicken myself these days!

Dream

This morning Lily woke up and told me she had the "goodest" dream EVER!  She dreamed that she and a bunny and a kitten were sliding down a rainbow into a pot of gold!  Such are the happy dreams of little girls!

Twin

Conversation at our house this evening ...
Lily:  Guess what?  We are learning about Jackie Robinson in Social Studies.  He's a famous baseball player!
Dylan:  We are learning about a guy named Surutha Ghandi.
Me:  Surutha?  I thought his name was Mahatma Ghandi ..
Dylan (dead serious):  Well, that's probably his twin brother.

Acne

My funny school story for today… I was giving the kids their spelling test at the end of the day and I didn’t have on my reading glasses. I was very surprised when the next spelling word on the list was “acne.” That seemed to be a little weird on a   spelling list. When I read the sentence that was printed with the word, it got even weirder. Reading directly from the spelling sheet paper, I reluctantly said, “OK, the next word is ‘acne’ and the sentence is ‘The older I get the more my body is full of acne,’ said grandpa.”
I then stopped again and looked up at the kids and said, “Wow, that’s a really gross sentence for our spelling test! What on earth?!”
By this point the kids were dying laughing! “No!!” they all shouted, “Mrs. Taylor, the word isn’t “acne”, it’s “ache”!! Then I started dying laughing! The sentence was supposed to say that grandpa had aches all over his body, not acne!!! 😂😂😂 Guess next time I’ll take an extra moment to find my reading glasses BEFORE giving the spelling test!!! #Neveradullmoment

Laughs

(2015) It's about two minutes before bedtime and Lily asks me if she could tell me just one more quick thing before bed.
"Sure," I said sleepily. "What is it?"
"Will you listen to my top 100 laughs and tell me which is the best one?"
Ummm ... no, Lil. Let's save that for your next spend the night with Grammie!! :). Hahaaaaa!!

Failed

I have TOTALLY failed as a good Southern mother.
I was helping Bran study last night for an American Lit test about "Realism" and "Naturalism" (one of my least favorite periods of literature).  At any rate, part of the study guide was about "regionalism" and "regional dialect" and "local color."  I was explaining these concepts to Bran and said, "For example, Margaret Mitchell put Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara on a plantation in the Civil War south and had the characters act and speak based on where they lived and the time period."
Bran replied, "Who are Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara?"
After a gasp of horror, I replied in utter shock and dismay, "You don't know who Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara are?"
"Oh wait ... wait, " Bran said, "Oh yeah ... they are making a movie about them, right?  It's called Fifty Shades of Gray, or something?  Right?"
Oh. my. lord.
"Um, no Brandon. They already MADE a move about Rhett and Scarlett called Gone With the Wind."
Bran, "Never heard of it."
WHERE did I go wrong?!  I actually needed smelling salts for the vapours at this point in the conversation ... As God as my witness, I will be forcing my son to watch Gone With the WInd with his grandmother and me in the very near future, even if I must hog tie him to the couch to do it.  All.four.hours.

Gentleman

Dyl's sweet little girlfriend is coming with us to our family Super Bowl party, and Dyl just got his first dose of Southern Mama crazy!  We pulled in to her driveway, and Dyl made the fatal mistake of saying, "Mom, can I have your phone to text her that I'm here?" Long, looooong pause of sheer disbelief.... WHAT?????!!!!!!! I needed my smelling salts as I was completely overcome by the vapors at this point. I was able to wheeze out, "YOU. NEVER. EVER. EVER. TEXT. OR. HONK. TO. PICK. UP.  A. GIRL!! YOU GO TO THE DOOR!!"
Dylan looked completely baffled and said "Mom, why?"
"Because you are a GENTLEMAN and, more importantly, BECAUSE I SAID SO!"  Needless to say, Dylan went to the door ... bless his heart. 😂😂😂 Score one for Southern mothers everywhere.

Breakfast

(2012) When I woke up this morning, I saw on my nighstand that Dylan and Lily Claire had served me a fantastic breakfast in bed!  Just because all the food was either wood or plastic from Lily's pink kitchen in her room was quite alright!

God

(2013) Lily just informed me that she knows what God looks like. Apparently, He's "big and sunny."

Wealth

Dear Wells Fargo,
Thank you for your diligence in having my back with your daily "wealth management" email alerts. Considering that ..
1.  I'm a teacher
2.  I have a son in college
3.  It's basketball AND baseball season
4.  Christmas was last month,
5.  and we got paid six weeks ago ...
my current "wealth management" today was a staggering $13.15.  Is it time to roll over or diversify?  Kudos for keeping my amassed wealth protected and managed! Trying really hard not to spend all my wealth in one place before pay day!

Automatic

I got Mom and Dad an automatic soap dispenser for their kitchen sink that squirts out soap when you pass your hand underneath it. I have been laughing so hard at their tales of trying to get used to it and remember it's there! Mom forgot it was there and reached her hand over to get her coffee cup from the Keurig and ended up with a big blob of soap on the top of her hand!  Then Dad had two sausage biscuits on plates that he took out of the microwave and when they sat down to eat, his plate had a huge blob of soap on the plate right beside his biscuit!  He didn't realize he had gotten the plates too close to the dispenser!!  I could not stop laughing!!  Well, at least they are guaranteed to be sparkling clean at all times!  Hahahaaaa!!

Opposites

Another installment of "Jen and Skeet Are Polar Opposites" ...
We were watching a survival show tonight called "Dude You're Screwed" where these Navy Seal guys kidnap you and drop you in some impossibly hard survival situation.  The guy in this episode is British and was dropped at the top of a glacier in Alaska, 200 miles from anything.
Skeet said, "That would be awesome to try."
I said, "I'd just roll up in a ball and die in the ice."

Peanut Butter

I think I just broke a world record by eating about eight pounds of peanut butter on one teeny celery stick.  Pretty sure I could have had a career as a structural engineer after getting all that peanut butter to stack up that high without falling off!!

Seriously?

Ummm .... If anyone if looking for the entire snack aisle from Quick Trip, I just found it under the boys' beds.  There are also a few mismatched, dirty sports socks thrown in there as a nice finishing touch. Seriously, guys???? Totally getting a HUGE extra star in my heavenly crown for raising boys!!!

Sick

Robert Skeet Taylor is sick for the third time this month, so I did what a Southern wife with any sense would do. I rushed out and bought the best remedy I could find… Brunswick stew and blackberry cobbler from Tipsy Pig. He sitting by the fire with both as we speak. Pretty sure he’ll be on the mend quickly now. ❤️🐷

Basketball

(2015) I am the WORST basketball mom EVER.  I hate EVERYTHING about it. The uniforms are ugly, the balls thud and echo nonstop, the middle school gym stinks like old sweat socks, we are sitting on the dirty gym floor, balls keep hitting us from all the kids playing around on the sidelines, the buzzer blares in my ears and startles me every single time, the constant ref whistles are shrill and nerve racking, babies are crying, the super enthused mom sitting next to me is screaming "Defense" in a  piercing pitch a dog could hear, the coaches are bellowing "Hands Up" over and over like it's an armed robbery, and if the dad with anger issues next to me shouts,"Make it happen" or "Pass the ball" one more time, I may just lose it.  Did I mention I absolutely HATE it here?? But ... I happen to love one of the players, so here I sit, smiling at Dylan like this is the best place on earth!  Football and baseball I can do, but I'm pretty sure there is a level of hell called "Middle School Rec Basketball," and believe me, that's enough to keep me saved from now to eternity.

True Love

(2012) Lily Claire just informed me that she has a boyfriend.  When I asked her his name she replied, "I forgot."  Sounds like true love!

Batman

(2012)  
We happened on this cable station this week that only shows all these old sitcoms from the 60s/70s ... like Gidget, That Girl, Here Come the Brides, Mary Tyler Moore show, etc ... but I'm cracking up because Dylan has gotten HOOKED on the old Batman show with Adam West!  I've actually enjoyed watching those with him, too!  They are so dated which make them really fun to watch and they have all those written "word" sound effects! Dylan says he likes the 60s Batman and especially LOVES the old Batmobile , but commented that "new Batman is much more buff because he has a six pack and old Batman doesn't." Don't feel bad, Old Batman, I'm guessing most guys from the 60s don't have a six pack these days either!

Crumbs

(2012) A Dylan memory 😂😂😂...
Life With Boys ... again:  I walked in my bedroom and found Dylan eating a bunch of PopTarts on my bed.  There were crumbs all over Skeet's side of the bed!  I said, "Dylan don't eat in our bed! No one wants to sleep all over crumbs at night!"  Of course I hoped Dylan would quickly jump up and brush off the crumbs and say, "OK, Mom."  Instead, he took another big crumbly bite and said, "It's ok, Mom, Dad can just wear a shirt to bed."  There's 8 year old logic for you!

Muffins

(2011) Just made the boys some chocolate chip muffins, which inspired Lily to entertain us with "remixes" of some old favorites.  Currently she is singing, "Do you know the muffin man ... his fleece was white as snow."  Hee!  Hee!

Flamingo

(2014)  I bought shrimp at the grocery store to make for dinner one night this week.  When we got the bags in the car beside Lily, she sniffed and said, "Yuck!  It smells like flamingos in here!"  Pretty accurate, actually!

Black

Every male in my house wears the same size and everything they own is black Nike. You need to be a member of Mensa to  figure out the laundry around here!!! #whoseisthis????

Holiness Table

(2016)  Lily asked if she could go with me tomorrow to church to decorate the "stage of righteousness" for Sunday. Ummm ... it's called the "Holiness Table," Lil.