Waste

A typical Skeet/Jen conversation last night, this time about Buddy…

Skeet, disgustedly looking at a new chew toy that Buddy had already destroyed: Look at this! Buddy has already torn this thing to shreds!!!
Jen: You’re mad that he chewed up a chew toy? Think of all the fun he had tonight playing with it!
Skeet: That is a huge waste of money!
Jen: Is it a huge waste of money when you chew up a cookie?
Skeet: (Silent resignation) Buddy continues happily chewing.
😂😂😂🐶🐶🐶❤️❤️❤️
Bless this poor man who has put up with me, three children, and two dogs for 29 years!

Expensive

Having a Mom for a teacher often means drinking "Dr Thunder" instead of "Dr Pepper",  eating "Whales" instead of "Goldfish", buying "Hydrox Cremes" instead of "Oreos" and having conversations like this one today after school ...
Bran: Mom, can we drive through Sonic? I'm starving.
Me:  No, Sonic is too expensive and I don't have any coupons.  I'll have to go where there's a $1 menu.
Bran: Coupons?!  But you have a twenty dollar bill in your wallet!
Me: Yeah, but it has to last me to the end of the month.
Bran:  It's ok, Mom, that's what DAD is for. (loved that logic!)
Me:  Um, don't tell Dad, but this IS his 20 dollar bill!
Bran (after long pause): Well then ...bring on the $1 menu!

Scarred

Those who know me will attest to the fact that I'm adventurous and will try just about anything once (exempting anything illegal  or immoral! 😉).  However, I am NOT AT ALL adventurous when it comes to food, especially any kind of weird meat.  I can't stand those TV shows where they go to some foreign place and eat a lot of "local delicacies."  I get nauseous within the first five minutes. SOOOO, considering that, I made the ABSOLUTE WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE tonight when I stopped in a food store near my house in the name of expediency that I've never been to before  (store name withheld so I don't hurt anyone's feelings). Y'all .... I should have trusted my instincts when my stomach lurched the moment  we walked In the door. The smells and atmosphere were horrendous, and I didn't recognize even one brand name or food item I'd ever seen before in my life.  As I intrepidly headed toward the meat section to find some simple meatloaf Ingredients, I kept getting queasier and queasier.  I was desperately scanning for ANY  meat I could even identify!  I am not kidding when I say that there were packages of huge wrapped hooves that looked like they were from a big cow or buffalo or something, and big slabs of grayish looking meat wrapped in strings that made my stomach churn. The capper was when I peered down into a refrigerated bin and staring back at me were about six frozen WHOLE lambs heads still with frozen fuzzy wool on them, wrapped in some yellowish cling wrap!  I seriously had to grab Lily's hand and run out of the store before I was completely ILL.  What a nightmare!!  What on earth possessed me to go into a sketchy meat shop to begin with?!  I got OUT OF THERE as fast as I could. Remind me next time to PLEASE take the extra turn into Kroger where I can rest assured that some big frozen animal face won't be greeting me from the meat counter and we won't have to stir-fry giant horse hooves for dinner. I am scarred for life, and Robert Skeet Taylor can't quit laughing at my horrible ordeal!

Around Here

While riding with Bran in his truck today, he turned to me and said, "Hank Williams Jr. A Country Boy Can Survive.  Best. Song. EVER."  Yup.  He's from around here.

Mother of the Year

One of my all time favorite Dylan stories ever... 😂
I have to share my "Mother of the Year" story from this week. I have been crowned once again. 🙂  I noticed that Dylan's tennis shoes were full of holes and completely raggedy, so I threw them away, thinking, "Gosh, this poor kid.  We'll get him a nice, new pair this weekend."  The next morning, while rushing to get to school because I had a parent conference waiting, Dylan was in a panic because he couldn't find his shoes.  I told him to wear another pair because I had thrown away the other ones. Well, of COURSE, he went nuts, saying they were his all- time favorite shoes, etc, etc.  I caved, and said in frustration, "Well get them out of the trash for today, but hurry up!!! We are going to be late!!!"  Dylan fished them out of the trash and when I walked in the kitchen, he was hobbling all over the kitchen shouting in distress,  "Mom!  Something is all over my favorite shoes!" I turn and see that his shoes are COVERED and dripping with spaghetti sauce!!?  What on earth??!   Turns out, UNBEKNOWNST to me, Bran had come down in the middle of the night and made himself a big bowl of noodles with spaghetti sauce and thrown out the leftovers in the very same trash can ... all over Dylan's "sacred" shoes. So, I did what any great mother would do.  I screamed, "BRING THEM TO ME!" I turned on the kitchen faucet , slopped water all over them, and handed them back to Dylan dripping wet saying, "Put them on FAST and get in the car!!! We are going to be late!!!"  What a lucky kid.  He arrived at school that day with shoes not only full of holes, but now stained with spaghetti sauce, smelling like tomatoes, AND squeaking and dripping wet  So glad I made the whole shoe situation so much better for him.  Yes, once again, I am Mother of the Year!  What can you do but laugh?!

Coupons

(2012) Having a Mom for a teacher often means drinking "Dr Thunder" instead of "Dr Pepper",  eating "Whales" instead of "Goldfish", buying "Hydrox Cremes" instead of "Oreos" and having conversations like this one today after school ...
Bran: Mom, can we drive through Sonic? I'm starving.
Me:  No, Sonic is too expensive and I don't have any coupons.  I'll have to go where there's a $1 menu.
Bran: Coupons?!  But you have a twenty dollar bill in your wallet!
Me: Yeah, but it has to last me to the end of the month.
Bran:  It's ok, Mom, that's what DAD is for. (loved that logic!)
Me:  Um, don't tell Dad, but this IS his 20 dollar bill!
Bran (after long pause): Well then ...bring on the $1 menu!

Winnie the Pooh

Tonight we went out to dinner with Mom and Dad and the 20-something waitress at the restaurant noticed I was wearing Tigger and Pooh earrings from school today. She started telling me about how Winnie the Pooh was her favorite character and about her favorite parts of all the Pooh movies she had seen in the past, including quoting some lines from the movies for us. She said that whenever she is eating something she really likes, she always does a dance just like Pooh bear does, and she showed us the dance. She then proceeded to tell us that her husband was an electrician and a chef and he cooked really great meals for her every night. I commented about how awesome that was to have such a great husband, to which her next comment was, “Yeah, and he eats a lot and wears no pants.” I sat there staring awkwardly at her for a few moments, truly at a loss for a response, thinking that might be a bit TOO much information to share about her husband. I think I weakly muttered, “Wow ... cool.”  After she walked away, it dawned on me that she had switched back to talking about Winnie the Pooh with the “eating a lot” and “no pants”… not her husband! 😂😂😂 Thank goodness!! Guess I was either too old or too tired to follow the conversation!

Daddy

(2015) Never let a daddy take his six year old little girl to the grocery store with him ... they came back with a lot of "extras" that weren't on the list, like candy bars and big Valentine cupcakes, etc!  Can you say, "wrapped around her little finger?"  :)   Actually reminds me of ME and a certain Papaw I know!

Mean

(2013) Funny Dylan memory from 2013...
As we were all getting ready for bed tonight, we were talking about all of our Valentines and cupcakes and chocolate and fun from the day.  Dylan asked Skeet,"So how was YOUR Valentine party at work?"  Skeet said, "We didn't have one."  Dylan said, "WHAT?  What did you do all day?"  Skeet replied, "Work."  Dylan angrily replied, "That is MEAN!  I am NEVER working there!"

Peppermint

I made the HUGE mistake of putting Peppermint scented lotion on my feet tonight before bed! Buddy has been licking my feet nonstop and there’s no escape!! It’s tickling me to death and would be super annoying if it weren’t so darn funny!!  #puppyproblems 😂😂

Dreams

I always have vivid dreams, but I've had a fever the past two or three nights, and my dreams have been CRAZY! Case in point ...
1.  I dreamed that we had a Cyber Day for school, but all my students had to come to my house for their lessons.  The nighbors called the sherrif because we were too loud!(that's not far from the truth!)
2.  I dreamed that an emergency vet team showed up at my door and told me that Buddy had contracted a horrible disease at the pet store from being fed tainted caulifower and it'd cost $10,000 for him to be treated and cured.
3.  I dreamed that I replaced all the carpets in my house with turquoise shaq rugs and then regretted it.
4.  I dreamed that I was at the wrong school one morning and when I tried to tell the principal that I was at the wrong place, I had to swim to reach her because the faculty meeting was taking place in a huge pool.
5. I dreamed that a friend was showing me his new house and we had to slide down a creepy, dirty laundry chute to get inside.
Needless to say, I don't feel very RESTED.  Pretty sure I"ll be laying off the Muxinex tonight!

Freshen Up

(2011) Me:  Lily, let's go upstairs and freshen up before we go to Bran's basketball game.
Lily:  Ok, Mama ... let's freshen down, too!

Pink Chicken

(2013) Lily Claire has been sick this week so as we were snuggling in her bed and she asked me to tell her a story.  When I asked what story she wanted, she replied, "The Pink Chicken Who Has To Do Everything."  Finally figured out she meant "The Little Red Hen"!  I'm feeling a bit like that pink chicken myself these days!

Dream

This morning Lily woke up and told me she had the "goodest" dream EVER!  She dreamed that she and a bunny and a kitten were sliding down a rainbow into a pot of gold!  Such are the happy dreams of little girls!

Twin

Conversation at our house this evening ...
Lily:  Guess what?  We are learning about Jackie Robinson in Social Studies.  He's a famous baseball player!
Dylan:  We are learning about a guy named Surutha Ghandi.
Me:  Surutha?  I thought his name was Mahatma Ghandi ..
Dylan (dead serious):  Well, that's probably his twin brother.

Acne

My funny school story for today… I was giving the kids their spelling test at the end of the day and I didn’t have on my reading glasses. I was very surprised when the next spelling word on the list was “acne.” That seemed to be a little weird on a   spelling list. When I read the sentence that was printed with the word, it got even weirder. Reading directly from the spelling sheet paper, I reluctantly said, “OK, the next word is ‘acne’ and the sentence is ‘The older I get the more my body is full of acne,’ said grandpa.”
I then stopped again and looked up at the kids and said, “Wow, that’s a really gross sentence for our spelling test! What on earth?!”
By this point the kids were dying laughing! “No!!” they all shouted, “Mrs. Taylor, the word isn’t “acne”, it’s “ache”!! Then I started dying laughing! The sentence was supposed to say that grandpa had aches all over his body, not acne!!! 😂😂😂 Guess next time I’ll take an extra moment to find my reading glasses BEFORE giving the spelling test!!! #Neveradullmoment

Laughs

(2015) It's about two minutes before bedtime and Lily asks me if she could tell me just one more quick thing before bed.
"Sure," I said sleepily. "What is it?"
"Will you listen to my top 100 laughs and tell me which is the best one?"
Ummm ... no, Lil. Let's save that for your next spend the night with Grammie!! :). Hahaaaaa!!

Failed

I have TOTALLY failed as a good Southern mother.
I was helping Bran study last night for an American Lit test about "Realism" and "Naturalism" (one of my least favorite periods of literature).  At any rate, part of the study guide was about "regionalism" and "regional dialect" and "local color."  I was explaining these concepts to Bran and said, "For example, Margaret Mitchell put Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara on a plantation in the Civil War south and had the characters act and speak based on where they lived and the time period."
Bran replied, "Who are Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara?"
After a gasp of horror, I replied in utter shock and dismay, "You don't know who Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara are?"
"Oh wait ... wait, " Bran said, "Oh yeah ... they are making a movie about them, right?  It's called Fifty Shades of Gray, or something?  Right?"
Oh. my. lord.
"Um, no Brandon. They already MADE a move about Rhett and Scarlett called Gone With the Wind."
Bran, "Never heard of it."
WHERE did I go wrong?!  I actually needed smelling salts for the vapours at this point in the conversation ... As God as my witness, I will be forcing my son to watch Gone With the WInd with his grandmother and me in the very near future, even if I must hog tie him to the couch to do it.  All.four.hours.

Gentleman

Dyl's sweet little girlfriend is coming with us to our family Super Bowl party, and Dyl just got his first dose of Southern Mama crazy!  We pulled in to her driveway, and Dyl made the fatal mistake of saying, "Mom, can I have your phone to text her that I'm here?" Long, looooong pause of sheer disbelief.... WHAT?????!!!!!!! I needed my smelling salts as I was completely overcome by the vapors at this point. I was able to wheeze out, "YOU. NEVER. EVER. EVER. TEXT. OR. HONK. TO. PICK. UP.  A. GIRL!! YOU GO TO THE DOOR!!"
Dylan looked completely baffled and said "Mom, why?"
"Because you are a GENTLEMAN and, more importantly, BECAUSE I SAID SO!"  Needless to say, Dylan went to the door ... bless his heart. 😂😂😂 Score one for Southern mothers everywhere.