Tired

 A favorite! 😂😂😂

There is no tired like the tired of an elementary school teacher at the end of the week before Christmas break! As we were dragging home late tonight from school, we passed by our neighbor's nativity scene out in their yard.  I noticed that Mary wasn't lit up as usual, and I turned to Lily and said, "Uh oh. Mary is burned out."  After considering that for a minute, I yelled out the window at plastic Mary, "GIRL, I CAN RELATE!!"  I was cracking myself up, but Lily was looking at me like I'd truly gone off my rocker!  Actually, I think I have!!!  Hahahaaaaa!!!

Christmas

 I had the funniest and sweetest thing happen tonight when I stopped in Kohl’s to pick up a last-minute gift. I was super tired from a fun, but long day at school, and had been standing in a ultra long, slow line waiting to get to the cash register.  Believe me when I say there were a lot of tired, grumpy people waiting in that line. When I was finally next up to be helped at the cash register, this very big, older man stepped right in front of me with two packs of Lindor chocolate truffles in his hand to purchase. I was a little surprised, but decided to be gracious and just let him go ahead, seeing that I had just read a devotional the other night that talked about “not sacrificing kindness on the altar of your impatience,” especially during the busy holiday season. (Plus I was wearing a huge Santa Claus Christmas sweater, so I couldn’t really be mean wearing that. 😂😂) I figured he must not have noticed the long line and had just made a mistake. After a few seconds standing in front of me, he turned back and looked at me questioningly, and I just smiled. Then he started laughing. What I didn’t know was that his wife was actually in line behind me, and he was just playing a joke to see how I would react if he cut in line! He said, “I’m just playing! I’m not really cutting in front of you!” I started laughing and said,  “It was OK! I was going to just let you go ahead! I figured you were in a serious rush to eat those chocolates!” The whole line started laughing at this point, and the man said to me, “I was expecting you to get really mad, I was even a little nervous, but you have a beautiful spirit. I’m glad to know there still people like that in the world.”  It was so sweet! When I left the store, he was sitting on a bench waiting for his wife. I waved goodbye to him and told him, “’You better be good from now on because Santa is watching!” and we laughed again. It really shows how just a little bit of kindness and grace can bring out the best in everyone, even on a late night Christmas shopping errand after a very looooong day! ❤️

Quit

(2013) Only Dylan!  He told us this evening that he wants to quit his basketball team.  Of course we said NO and gave him a big speech about making commitments and keeping them and not letting your team down, etc.  We finally asked WHY he wanted to quit, thinking it was because he thought his team wasn't good or because he wanted to stay home and play video games or something.  His exact words for wanting to quit were ... "Because someone on my team's breath smells like a squirrel."  What?!!!  How does he even know what a squirrel smellls like?!!!  Dylan definitely keeps life interesting around here!!!

Blank

Typical Skeet/Jen conversation ...

Me, setting the table for our grade level Christmas party on Friday: “Skeet, should I use crackle glass votives in this centerpiece or pillars?”

Skeet, looking completely blank: (loooong pause) “I have no idea what any of that  is ...”

😂😂😂😂 #nohelp #callmom 

Reindeer

 So the guy in the Hallmark Christmas movie I’m watching just said that to find true love you must go into the wilderness under a full moon and spot a reindeer together.  Would a possum or raccoon count? Otherwise I don’t think there’s much chance of finding true love here in Georgia! 😂😂😂

Bible

 (2016) Laughing so hard after talking to Bran tonight!  He had to take his final in Bible class today and he didn't realize until yesterday that part of the exam was to write down all the books of the Bible in order!!  He said exhausted, "Mom.  I was up all night singing some song I found of all the books of the Bible and I had to sing it like 1800 times all night long to remember them!!!"  The mental image of that had me rolling ... and think about his poor roommate!!! He's up for sainthood after putting up with that all night!! 😂😂😂😂

Opera

 (2015) This memory made me laugh out loud ... Brandon Taylor

My friends have always told me that God was laughing when he sent me two rowdy boys, being the "girlie girl" that I am and after growing up in an all female household (other than Papaw, of course)!  That was proven yet again this weekend!  Bran has been driving on a spare tire for several weeks and he brought his red Mustang home for the weekend to get it fixed.  I graciously offered to take the car up to the DREADED Discount Tires to get it fixed while Bran helped his dad in the backyard. FIRST of all, I needed a hazmat suit to even get IN the car ... there was about three weeks of dirty laundry thrown in the backseat and the floors and trunk, not to mention all the old Gatorade bottles, baseball tape and bats, dirty cleats, and empty fast food bags!  And, the zillion old, black Christmas tree air fresheners hanging from the rear view mirror were doing absolutely nothing for the air quality in the car, to say the least, except making me gag! THEN, as I drove up the street, I realized that there was some long, black wire hanging on my foot to make the floors glow a bright red color and that Bran had done something to the muffler so it was making this SUPER LOUD ROARING sound whenever you pushed the accelerator!  Good grief. I then made a quick detour into the Kroger shopping center to get my nails done and buy flowers for the kitchen, and as I am trying to quietly pull out of the parking spot with my cute pink nails and tulips, the car ROARS super loud again and some man in a flannel shirt and white beard standing on the sidewalk screams "YEAH!!!" and gives me a big thumbs up at the roaring sound!! Seriously?!  Not to mention the stickers all over the back with deer heads and hunting rifles and a "Don't Tread on Me" warning!  And, of course, Discount Tires couldn't get a tire for the car until today, so Bran has MY car at Emmanuel, and I had to take his to Mulberry today, where I proceeded to peel out of the elementary school parking lot in my turkey earrings and unicorn slippers with a HUGE Indy 500 roaring, thundering boom!  Can I please get my car back now?  Pretty sure this is the LAST time I graciously offer to take Bran's "hot rod" ANYWHERE!

Hot Rod

 (2016) This memory made me laugh out loud ... Brandon Taylor

My friends have always told me that God was laughing when he sent me two rowdy boys, being the "girlie girl" that I am and after growing up in an all female household (other than Papaw, of course)!  That was proven yet again this weekend!  Bran has been driving on a spare tire for several weeks and he brought his red Mustang home for the weekend to get it fixed.  I graciously offered to take the car up to the DREADED Discount Tires to get it fixed while Bran helped his dad in the backyard. FIRST of all, I needed a hazmat suit to even get IN the car ... there was about three weeks of dirty laundry thrown in the backseat and the floors and trunk, not to mention all the old Gatorade bottles, baseball tape and bats, dirty cleats, and empty fast food bags!  And, the zillion old, black Christmas tree air fresheners hanging from the rear view mirror were doing absolutely nothing for the air quality in the car, to say the least, except making me gag! THEN, as I drove up the street, I realized that there was some long, black wire hanging on my foot to make the floors glow a bright red color and that Bran had done something to the muffler so it was making this SUPER LOUD ROARING sound whenever you pushed the accelerator!  Good grief. I then made a quick detour into the Kroger shopping center to get my nails done and buy flowers for the kitchen, and as I am trying to quietly pull out of the parking spot with my cute pink nails and tulips, the car ROARS super loud again and some man in a flannel shirt and white beard standing on the sidewalk screams "YEAH!!!" and gives me a big thumbs up at the roaring sound!! Seriously?!  Not to mention the stickers all over the back with deer heads and hunting rifles and a "Don't Tread on Me" warning!  And, of course, Discount Tires couldn't get a tire for the car until today, so Bran has MY car at Emmanuel, and I had to take his to Mulberry today, where I proceeded to peel out of the elementary school parking lot in my turkey earrings and unicorn slippers with a HUGE Indy 500 roaring, thundering boom!  Can I please get my car back now?  Pretty sure this is the LAST time I graciously offer to take Bran's "hot rod" ANYWHERE!

Hero

 (2016) How to be a hero in two easy steps...

1. Receive a text that says “I’m starving” from your 15 -year-old son who is on the school bus heading home. 

2. Make a giant family size pot of Kraft macaroni and cheese just for him. 

VOILA!! Instant hero!!! 😂😂😂

Bitter

 (2014) REALLY?!  I arrange a RARE free Saturday night with all the kids taken care of so I can surprise Robert Skeet Taylor  with a date ... I can't even remember our last date night!  I'm thinking dinner ... a movie ...a stroll around B&N ... ice cream ... Now he reminded me that he will be out of town Saturday night, taking Bran to a baseball showcase in Tennessee.  I am bummed.  And to top it off, after 24 years with one guy, I really have no other prospects to be my date on Saturday night!!  Sheesh. Guess I'll stay home and wash my hair and be very bitter! :)

Discount Tires

 (2016) Today I had to take my car to Discount Tires to get a tire replaced that had a nail in it.  (Me + Discount Tires is already the beginning of a horror story in my book.)  At any rate, though the guy helping me was super nice, I just wanted to get in and out of there with a fast quote on how much it would cost to order my new tire so Robert Skeet Taylor could go get it later.  Unfortunately, Enthusiastic Tire Guy had different plans.  He proceeded to teach me everything I never wanted to know about tires and tire pressure.  He showed me a whole bunch of stickers on the inside of my car door that I didn't care about, he told me all sorts of numbers for correct air pressure in my tires, he showed me a bunch of charts about green, yellow, and red tire tread zones, and then he talked for over thirty minutes about the Georgia Bulldogs and their football season.  Anyone who knows me well knows that if there are any TWO things in the WORLD that I have NO interest in AT ALL, it's CAR PARTS AND SPORTS TEAMS. Though I smiled and said "cool" to this barrage of "fun facts," I began secretly wishing I had nails in my ears instead of my tire!  For that hideous hour, I truly thought the Ascension had happened and I had not been chosen, because I'm pretty sure I got a glimpse of HELL today at Discount Tires. 😂😂

Trick or Treat

 (2011) I am losing my mind!  Lily Claire has rung the doorbell about 1000 times now and keeps screaming "Trick or Treat!"  She's not quite understanding that today is NOT Halloween!!!!  AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

Fortune Cookie

 (2014) Hahaaa! A funny memory from a few years ago! ...

We went to our favorite Chinese restaurant tonight and when it came time to read the fortune cookies, we had a hilarious faux pas!  Lily asked to read Skeet's fortune out loud to all of us and, without any help, proceeded to read, "You will have good-looking personal affairs."  WHAT?!!!  Skeet was LOVING that fortune, until I snatched it and said, "Sorry mister.  It actually says, 'You will have good LUCK in your personal affairs!"   Oops ... letting a first grader read your fortune may alter your fate quite a bit, apparently!!  Hahahaaaa! 

Love

 (2016) A father's love ... Bran called home around 8 PM and said,"Mom, I'm as sick as I can ever remember. My head and chest and eyes are hurting so bad and I can't stop coughing."  My next words, "Come home. You need to sleep and go to the doctor in the morning."  Bran replied miserably, "I don't think I can drive home feeling this bad, and I don't have any cough medicine left. What should I do, Mom?"  Without batting an eye, Skeet said, "Tell him I'm on my way."  An hour and a half drive one way at night to EC after a long day at work ... but not a moments hesitation. I love how much Skeet loves us and shows it in a million little ways every day. And I'm so relieved Bran will be home soon to get well. I wouldn't have slept so well tonight otherwise!❤️ (postscript ... Bran was home over a week with pneumonia.)Brandon Taylor

Bug

 There was some big bug in the Lily's room and being the HERO that I am, I went upstairs with my Raid Can and sprayed it for like five minutes (never can be too careful!).  Anyway Dylan and Lily came running downstairs again and said the bug was still moving.  "How is that possible?!" I shouted.  "I sprayed about half a can of Raid on it!"  When I went back upstairs, I realized that I had NOT sprayed the BUG, I had sprayed a black KEN DOLL SHOE that was on the carpet instead!!  I'm getting old... apparently I need my reading glasses these days even to exterminate.

Oldness

 Today I was sitting outside on a bench at recess and had my ankles crossed.  One of my students was talking to me and then looked down at my ankle and said, Oh no, Mrs. Taylor, what happened?!”  She had seen an unsightly spider vein on my leg and thought I had been injured.  “Oh it’s nothing,” I said, “It’s OK. I’m  not hurt or anything.” Another student who was standing nearby overhearing the conversation rushed over to reassure me. “Don’t worry, Mrs Taylor! That just happens because of oldness.” Wow.  I felt much better thanks to that encouraging diagnosis! 😂😂😂😂

Scared

 (2012) Ok, so it's usually Lily Claire who is scared of the pizza delivery guy but tonight it was ME!  This older man who delivered our pizza tonight talked to me at the door for over thirty minutes about how "rich bums are building skyscrapers while dogs are in cages getting killed and a black hole could come and swallow us up."  I just kept smiling and nodding and agreeing with everything he said!!!!

Vacation

 (2013) I think Lily has been misunderstanding all these weeks when I tell her that Skeet is out of town.  He's gone on business trips a few days of each week, but today in the car Lily asked me, "Why does Daddy take so much vacations?!"  Cracked me up!!!

PJs

 (2016) Guess Lily was giving me a hint that I've been cleaning the house too long today in my raggy PJs with my hair a wreck when she said in a very sweet voice, "Mom, are you going to get dressed soon?  You always look lovely when you're not in pajamas."  Hahahaaa!

Mr. Baby

 (2010) Lily was singing real sweetly to her baby doll tonight ... "Rock A Bye Baby, the tree falls, bye Mr. Baby, when the tree falls."  I think her babydoll may be too terroized to go to sleep after that rendition!

Purgatory

 (2012) I'm pretty sure there is a level of Dante's purgatory called "Doing book reports with Middle School boys."  Shoot me now.

Chick-fil-A

 (2013) The boys are all at the BHS football game and Lily wanted me to take her to Chick Fil A.  When we got there she wanted to stay and play on the playground but I had just planned to go through the drive thru.  I told her, "Lily, I didn't bring my Kindle or any book to read while you play!  I won't have anything to do!"  She thought a minute and suggested, "Well, you could sing a little song and play with my pink Webkinz beaver."  Hmmmm ....  I'd like to see the looks I'd get in Chick Fil A if I were to sit alone in a booth and do that!  Hahahahaa!

Buddy

Every time we’ve had a house showing I’ve had to take Buddy in the car and ride around or try to take him to the dog park. He hates being in the car so he always shakes and cries and slobbers everywhere and gets panicked! And he howls super loud at every person he sees through the window. 

So the other day I had to drive him around for THREE hours (it was raining and we couldn’t go to the dog park) which was a nightmare and by the end he was going nuts. I stopped by Sonic to get myself a drink and get him a cup of water.  I thought I had him peacefully settled  in the passenger seat with the drinks safely in the cup holder. 

Then I made the HUGE, HUGE  mistake of stopping at a mailbox in a shopping area.I quickly got out and put the letter in the mailbox and then turned back to get back into the driver seat. While I was doing that,  Buddy had proceeded to STOMP all through the drinks in the cup holder to get into my seat so he could see me better out the window!!! He had his paws IN the cups of cherry limeade and water and they had spilled everywhere and was all over his feet. One of his paws was completely stained pink from the cherry limeade! It was a complete nightmare! I had to use his towel to try and wipe up the huge mess and dry off his soaking wet paws. It is always an adventure with Buddy around… and not always a good one! It will be a miracle if we survive selling all these houses and moving! 😂😂😂

 

Grilled Cheese

 (2011) Grammie and Papaw came over tonight for homemade chili and to watch a movie. I was asking everyone if they wanted a "grilled" cheese sandwich with their chili and Lily shouted, "YES! I want a "girl" cheese sandwich!" Papaw laughed and said, "I want a "girl" cheese sandwich, too!" Lilly put her hands on her hips and said, "No Papaw, you have to have a BOY cheese sandwich!"

Permission

 (2013) The realities of life with two big brothers ... You must label all your food with dire warnings to keep them away!  I found this note in the kitchen today ... "Lily's cake. No one can have a peice without permition." Only time will tell if this will keep the big brothers at bay...

Crime

 (2013) One of my favorite Lily stories from 1st grade ... 😂❤️

Lily loves to make crafts, but tonight she came to me looking completely dejected with some sort of foam ball drenched in Elmer's glue and moaned dramatically, "OH NOOOO!!! Mom .. I am a GLUE GLOBBER." It is apparently a TERRIBLE crime. I just can't believe my sweet baby girl has turned to a life of glue globbing villainy at such a young age.

Texting

 (2012) I signed Bran up a few years back for text messages from a Youth Group at one of our local churches.  They text Bible verses, etc.  Anyway, his phone went off right in the middle of class today and the teacher looked mad.  Bran said, "Sorry, church is texting me" and the teacher said, "Oh ... ok then, go ahead and answer."  That cracked me up!!!!  Guess when God texts, by george, you ANSWER!

Crazy

 You know you've been raised by a Southern mama when .... your husband rehires the cleaning service to help you around the house and you are frantically cleaning the bathrooms and kitchen so they won't be dirty when the cleaning lady shows up!!!  As we say around here, "Your crazy is showing .. better tuck it back in!!!"

Cops and Robbers

 (2012) Funny story from today!  Dylan and Lily were playing "cops and robbers" and they had created this fort thing out of blankets, etc, that was supposed to be the "jail."  Apparently, Lily was the criminal who had been apprehended and put in the "jail."  A while later, Dylan crawled in the jail with her and I heard her say really seriously to him, "So ... What are you in for?"  I laughed out loud!!!!

Buffalo

(2013) Got a huge laugh at Dylan's 5th grade parent/teacher conference today!  His teacher was sharing with me a piece he had written about which Native American tribe he would like to have been part of in early America.  Dylan chose the Pawnee because "he wanted to hunt buffalo and use buffalo for his tent and clothes and he really loves eating buffalo wings."  He seriously wrote that and was dead serious!  We were cracking up!!”

Commitment

 Being the non-sport person that I am, I may not have ever really WATCHED any of the kids’ football or baseball games in the past 18 years, but I’ve been a world champ at eating concession-stand cheese fries. Pretty proud of that long standing commitment to my children.

Chipmunks

 (2013) Lily is loving Wizard of Oz!  So far, her favorite is Glenda the Good Witch (the big sparkly dress and wand gave her a big advantage), but she said she does NOT like the "chipmunks" (aka,  the Munchkins). Cracked us up!!!

Grandmas

 (2011) Dylan was in the room while I was watching "Say Yes to the Dress Atlanta" and this bride's grandma kept saying no very emphatically to every dress the girl put on. Dylan got mad and said, "Grandmas aren't supposed to act like that. They are supposed to say "yes" ... to EVERYTHING!"

Tomar

(2019)  I’m laughing until I’m crying! Dyl is all mad and ranting because he got ten points off on his online Spanish quiz in class because he typed “tomar fotos” (take photos) and it autocorrected to”tomato fotos”!!! He didn’t notice until he submitted. 😂😂😂🍅🍅🍅 I am cracking up!!! #highschoolproblems

Pink

 (2012) Stopped to get my toes done after school today and sat next to the sweetest older lady.  She laughed at the very bright pink polish going on my toes and told me she only dared wear neutral colors on her nails.    She kept looking and looking at my polish and finally I said, "Go ahead!! Try the hot pink!  You only live once!"  And she did!!!!  We both walked out of there with the brightest pink toes you've ever seen and that sweet, little lady was grinning ear to ear!  Love it!!!!

Hives

 (2020) When you’re itching and  think you have hives from all the stress you’ve been under and then you realize it was just a bunch of crumbled Pringles that fell down your blouse at lunch…😂😂😂 #teacherlife2020

Grooming

 (2020) I just got an offer from a pet website to send me a 128 page book about grooming my dog at home. What on earth?!!! All I do for Buddy is slop some dog shampoo and water on him in the tub then brush him. Buddy must be missing out on the other 127 pages of grooming! 😂😂🐾🐾

Storm

 (2019)  Life with Brandon Taylor ... I called him today to check in on him since his school is closed the next two days due to bad storms. Our conversation ...

Me: Hi Bran! Are you coming home because of the storm?

Bran: No, I'm staying here. 

Me: Well do you have a plan for bad weather? A safe place you can go if the wind gets bad?

Bran: Yeah, I'm ready. 

Me: Are you sure? You know the winds are supposed to be really, really strong. What is your plan? How exactly have you gotten ready?

Bran: I bought a kite ... 

Yep ... that's Brandon.  😂😂😂

Rainbow

 (2013) A funny Dylan memory ...

A scary glimpse into the minds of seven year old boys: At the drugstore, I let Dylan pick out some candy.  He picked out this HUGE multicolored lollipop, of course.  He said, "Mom, I bet I'll be the first person EVER to be able to eat all this at once."  I replied,"If you do, you'll get sick."  He thought a moment and replied cheerfully, "Well, if I throw up, at least it will be rainbow!"   UG!!

Lip

 I hate when I go to get my eyebrows done, as I did today, and the lady asks, "Your lip? your lip?" meaning, do I want my upper lip waxed. I always say "no thank you" and then the lady shakes her head and looks at me with shock and despair like she's looking at some huge, shaggy mustache on my face!  It makes me so paranoid!!!  Here's how I think I look and then how the waxing lady makes me THINK I look leaving the shop!!!!

Cologne

 (2013) I was getting Skeet a new bottle of his cologne that I like called Gray Flannel and this was seriously what it said on the product description ... "Launched by the design house of Geoffrey Beene in 1976, Grey Flannel for Men is recommended for romantic use."  Hahahahaaa!!!  I'll be sure Skeet reads those directions ... I'll be expecting a romantic dinner for two and some roses once he sprays some on!!  

Rap Song

 (2012) Failed parenting lesson of the evening ...

I walk in the office and Dylan is sitting at the computer listening to some rap song from pro wrestling.  It doesn't sound very "appropriate" so I come over to disapprove and decide to use the moment to teach a sobering life lesson (or so I think).

Me:  Dylan, would you feel ok about listening to that song if God was sitting right next to you?

Dylan: (dead serious)  Yeah   I think God would be okay with this version, Mom, because whenever they say a cuss word in the song it says "BEEP" instead!

Me: Ummm, ok ... no.  You and God aren't going to listen to this song anymore.

I sure hope God has a very good sense of humor!!!!!

Sports

 (2012) This is why Bran hates to have sports conversations with me ...

Bran:  Mom, wouldn't it be awesome if I went Alabama to play for Nick Sabin?

Me:  That would be cool, but I hope that guy would have GRADUATED by the time you get there to start playing football!  That'd be sort of sad if he was still in college that long!

Bran:  Mom ... Nick Sabin is the COACH.

Me: Oh.

Hoard

 (2013) Note to self ... do NOT take a 15 year old boy to the grocery store with you!  I was running in to pick up one or two things and came out with a TON of stuff that I got sweet-talked into buying ... a case of Mug rootbeer, Chex mix, Pringles, Fruit Loops with marshmallows, a family sized bag of Chips Ahoy, chocolate chip PopTarts ... a hoard of neverending snacks for the bottomless pit named Brandon Taylor!  :)

Emergency

 (2013) I had to get creative tonight ... Lily couldn't find any of her Barbie's shoes and her Barbie "HAD to go on a walk and was going to get splinters in her toes" (according to Lily).  It was a full blown Barbie crisis!  Anyway, after a little aluminum foil, Barbie now has some awesome silver boots!  Fashion emergency SOLVED.

Super Bowl

 (2018) Adding to the roasting heat and biting bugs at the football field is a New York lady sitting right next to me angrily SCREAMING in my ear after every play.  Really??!! Apparently her son’s name or nickname is “Megatron.” I know because it’s ringing in my ears.  She keeps YELLING “Watch the ball” but it sounds like “Watch the bull” which is annoying me even more.  I must have been mistaken that this is 10U rec football ... it’s apparently the Super Bowl. I’m about to commit a second felony at the ball-field already this season, but this time NOT involving snow cones.

Jaguar

 (2018) So Bran calls and informs me that he accidentally backed his truck into a car tonight. What kind of car? A Jaguar, of course. What are the odds of this in Royston, Georgia?! You can’t make this stuff up.

Tired

 (2018) You know you might be slightly tired and overworked when... you can’t find your phone at school all morning and then when you go to get your sandwich out of the faculty room refrigerator at lunch, you find your ice cold phone in there along with your sandwich. 😂😂😂 #losingit #literally

Makeup

I hate when I'm trying to buy makeup online and they try and use real creative names for the colors  ... I just need some BROWN eyeliner, but the choices I have are "Dance Fever", "Ice Pixie" or "Brazen Rain".  Can I just find BROWN, please?! Which of these is BROWN??!! 😂😂 

Bamboozled

 (2013) I think I'm being bamboozled ... Lily crawled in my bed tonight and said, "See how much I love you, Mama, that I want to sleep in here with you, rather than all alone in my own room?"  Of course, after looking at her little face, it worked. :)

Tattoo

 (2016) Hilarious teacher moment today ... My skirt today had a slit on the side and one of my 4th grade girls saw the unsightly veins on the side of my calf and said, "COOL TATTOO, MRS. TAYLOR!" Nice.  I am now WAY cooler than I thought I was!  Hahaaaaaaa!!!!

Loaf

 (2016) Ummm.... Dylan just informed me that we need a new "loaf" of toilet paper in his bathroom. Boys crack me up!

Charcoal

 (2019) A favorite... 😂😂😂

After a long week, I decided I looked like I’d been run over by a truck, so I decided I'd indulge in a little self repair, including coloring my hair (NOT that I have any gray to cover or anything), taking a hot shower, and trying out this new charcoal face mask product that's supposed to make your skin really clean and soft. I'm doing my thing upstairs and had been settled into our bedroom recliner chair for about 20 minutes, looking quite lovely I might add, in my old robe, glasses, hair coloring goop, and a super thick layer of black charcoal mask drying on my face that's supposed to gently peel off when ready. Now those of you who know my husband, Robert Skeet Taylor, know he is a man of few words. For 28 years he has quietly and patiently put up with all my ideas and antics and shenanigans with school and with the kids, etc, with nothing more than maybe a quiet look of bewilderment or silent resignation. Tonight, however, he walked into our room and took one look at me and stopped dead in his tracks. "WHAT is THAT?!!" he asked SUPER loud, looking at my charcoal face. Well, of course, this got me tickled, and when I starting laughing, the whole dried mask cracked and fell off, which I think threw Skeet into further shock!!! So much for trying to have a beauty spa night in peace around HERE!!! 😂😂😂

Commitment

 (2018) Being the non-sport person that I am, I may not have ever really WATCHED any of the kids’ football or baseball games in the past 15 years, but I’ve been a world champ at eating concession-stand cheese fries. Pretty proud of that long standing commitment to my children. 😂😂😂

Redneck

 (2020) You know you might be a redneck if…

You’re laying in bed almost completely asleep and your husband walks in the bedroom and ask if you’re awake. When you say yes, he responds, “Oh good! Try one of these new barbecue chips” and then you proceed to actually eat one from some bag he’s holding over you while you’re laying in your bed in your PJs in the dark. Yes, that really did just happen in the Taylor household! 😂😂😂😂 Robert Skeet Taylor

Oops

 (2018) Lily and I were heading to the grocery store today and got behind a driver who was going 2 miles an hour and not turning at the signal, etc. Lily and I were getting annoyed and yelling real meanly  at the driver inside our car to “hurry up” and “pay attention.” At that moment we passed at church that had a HUGE sign on its lawn that said,”Love God. Love people.”  From the backseat Lily said, “Oops. I guess God was sending us an instant message. “ 😂😂❤️ We were much nicer to fellow drivers the rest of the trip!!

Favorites

 (2013) Bran was pressing me to say which of the kids was my favorite Of course, he wanted me to say it was HIM ... instead I said they were ALL my favorite. Then he asked who was my least favorite! I said, "None of you is my least favorite. I like all of you. I have three favorites" Then, in one last attempt to get me to say that HE was my favorite child, he asked, "If you had to be stranded on a deserted island with one of us, who would you pick?" Without skipping a beat, I replied, "Daddy." And that, my friends, is the TRUTH ... far, far away from all my "favorites" for a day or two!! Robert Skeet Taylor

Stung

 (2013) Lily just came in crying and told me she "got stung by a WHOP-ES" (wasp).  Indeed she had, poor thing.

Jeep

 (2013) So, Skeet got Bran a truck so he could hold onto his beloved red Jeep Wrangler.  I hesitate to tell him about this conversation in the car today between Dylan and his buddy, Jackson, both age 10, as we pulled into the driveway this afternoon ...

Jackson:  Who's truck?

Dylan:  Brandon's

Jackson:  Wait.  I thought the Jeep was Brandon's.

Dylan:  Nope.  It's mine now.

Watch out, Skeet!!  You may have nothing to drive once the boys are through! :)

Grammie and Papaw

 (2011) I was sitting in with Lily and Dylan tonight as they were going to sleep and I mentioned that Grammie and Papaw would be coming over for dinner on Thursday.  Lily said, "Good cause I like Grammie and Papaw."  Then she asked Dylan if he liked Grammie and Papaw.  Dylan replied, "OF COURSE, everybody in our WHOLE family likes Grammie and Papaw ... and I think everybody in the world likes them, too."  I had to agree!  :)

Mom

 (2018) Story of my life ... I’m sure many of you can relate!!! 😂😂😂

Scorching

 (2018) I have come to the realization that without air conditioning, I would be a mean, lonely hermit with NO friends or maybe even be in JAIL.  I get SO grouchy and irritable when I'm SUPER hot!  Case in point, after Lily's cheer photos last week on a SCORCHING HOT turf football field in the dead middle of the hottest afternoon in August (and I was stupidly wearing sweat pants), Lily asked if she could have a snow cone when we were done.  OF COURSE, the snow cone truck was parked RIGHT in the sun and I was already super grouchy from sweating to death in the 100 degree afternoon sun in sweatpants!  Sweat was actually dripping down my nose, which made me SUPER grumpy and irritated!  At any rate, I begrudgingly got in the line (no shade, mind you) for a small, Coke flavored snow cone, and the lady in front me proceeds to order SIX LARGE SNOW CONES!!!  Are you kidding me?!!  THEN, she asked the guy to name ALL the sugar free flavors first before choosing.  She then sends her daughter to inquire about what flavors all the siblings want, which fluctuated about ten times from Pina Colado to Blue Raspberry! After an eternity in the boiling sun waiting for her snow cone buffet to be ready, she looks at the snow cones the man is setting on the counter for her and says she needs MORE flavor on ALL of them!!!!  THEN, she takes sample bites of each one and starts to walk away, but NOT before coming back to the window to ask for extra napkins.  I literally almost committed a snow cone FELONY at the window before that lady was finished!  THANKFULLY we got into our air conditioned car to leave and narrowly escaped my hot, angry descent into a life of crime.

Love Germs

 Buddy was very excited when we got home tonight and was licking Lily all over her face.  Skeet said, "Lily, don't let Buddy lick your face.  He has bacteria!" to which LIly replied, "Oh Dad!  Those are just LOVE germs!"

Good News

 (2020) Tales from Middle School ...

Lily came home today and said,”Mom, I have good news and bad news. The good news is our bus driver said he would play music on the bus!”

Me: “Cool! What’s the bad news?”

Lily: “It was Kidz Bop.”😑

Apparently they were all back in their earbuds pretty quickly. 😂😂😂

God

 (2012) Lily Claire asked me if God could hear us.  I said, 'Yes, God always hears us and watches after us and takes care of us and loves us!"  Lily replied, "No He doesn't ... that's what MOMS do!"  :)

Security

 (2015) Robert Skeet Taylor and I have a joke because no matter where we travel, I ALWAYS get picked to get the extra airport security scans. ALWAYS. I must be very suspicious looking!!  Hahahaaaa!  Anyway, today, OF COURSE I got chosen for a "chemical wand" scan on my palms, waist, and shoes.  That's me ... Always covered head to toe with bomb residue!  And I ALWAYS make my bombs wearing lime green cardigan sweaters and rhinestone covered flip flops!  Hahahaha!  Really???  :)

Sweet Tea

 (2015) My first words in California in the place where we are having lunch, "Do y'all have sweet tea?"   You can take the girl out of the South ....

Doom

 (2012) A black cloud of doom has settled over our house this evening with the mention of the words "DO YOUR REQUIRED SUMMER READING."  Both boys are acting as sullen and depressed  as if someone had died!

Quarantine

 (2020) I think I have reached an all new low in COVID-19 quarantining as I am spending the evening on my couch reading the whole Wikipedia history of all the Cartwright family members on Bonanza. 😂😂😂

My Son

 (2014) Yep. Bran's my son. He likes to drive barefoot, windows down, country music playing.

Joseph’s Coke

 (2015) A few weeks ago in "Mom's VBS," we learned about Joseph.  Lily and I happened to get this drink at the store last week and we said instead of Joseph's Coat, we got Joseph's Coke!  Hahaaaa!  A little Bible humor there for ya!

Beauty

 (2013) Lily Claire is a definitely her mother's daughter (as if we didn't already know that!).  She was clomping around the house in these pink, plastic Cinderella high heel shoes and said,"Mom, these shoes really hurt!"  "Take them off," I said.  She looked shocked and said, "No!  They are cute high heels!"  Guess we all must suffer for beauty! 

Vacuum

(2016) You know your OCD fixation with vacuuming is out of control when your daughter is lying in bed at night going to sleep and says,"I don't like sleepovers at night because I miss the sound of your voice and the Roomba running." 

Boys

 (2011) The boys were gone all week and they joined us today up in the mountains.  After about ten minutes of their loud wrestling and goofing around and shouting, Lily Claire ran up to me and asked "Mommy, can we put the boys away now?"

Rushing

Got tickled today at Walmart observing a teenage worker who was moving so slowly that I was concerned if she even had a pulse!  When we encountered her again in the store, I noticed her t-shirt said "Rushing Toward Success." It's going to be a long, long journey at that pace!!! Hahahaaaa!!! 

Citizen’s Arrest

 (2014) We bought a special promo cup for Brandon at RaceTrac that you can refill through August 1st for free every time you are there.  Today he drove past there and went in to fill his cup and leave.  Some older man (another customer) chased him out of the store screaming, "Hey!  Hey!  You didn't pay for that drink!!!  Come back and pay!!!"  Bran turned around and said, "It's a promo cup you can refill for free."  The guy said, "Oh." and went back in the store.  Guess it was a Mango Slushie Citizen's Arrest of some sort!  Sheesh! :)

Faulty

 (2014) The faulty brain waves of sixteen year old boys, as evidenced by my conversation with Bran in the truck tonight ...

Me:  We're going to have a Fourth of July party at our house.

Bran:  When?

Rice

(2014) We ordered shrimp fried rice for supper tonight and I told Lily that she had to eat the rice, not just the shrimp (as she usually does).  When I came to get her plate later, the shrimp was gone, and here's what she had done with the rice!  She is soooo my child!!!

 

Beef Jerky

(2016) Brandon made me laugh out loud today at Walmart!  He was begging me to buy him some $6 bag of Beef Jerky and I happened to spot a $1 bag of "Great Value" brand Beef Jerky instead. (FYI, I almost ALWAYS buy store brands.)  "Mom!" he groaned with disdain, "That is probably made from giraffe meat."  .... We bought the $6 bag to be safe.  Hahahahahaha!!!!!

Abba and Denise

 (2013) Lily asked me tonight if we could watch the Beginner's Bible video about "Abba and Denise."  Yes, that would be Adam and Eve.  :)

Theology

 (2014) A little theology with Lily on the ride home today ... her questions ...

Does God ever spill anything?

If God gets thirsty and has to go get a drink, is He still watching you?

Are there roller skates in heaven?

Does Jesus eat steak?

Hmmmm ... good questions!  I think my answers were no, yes, yes, and yes.  I mean, is it really heaven without steak and roller skaters??  I think not!

Cheese balls

Why do I let the kids talk me in to this kind of stuff in the summer???? A ginormous cheese ball barrel???? Full of essential vitamins and minerals, I'm sure!!  Oh well. It's only summer once! Viva la Cheese Balls! 

Date

 (2014) Bran has a movie date tonight with a very sweet girl from school. A glimpse into a mother/teenage son conversation in the car today ...

Me: What time is the movie?

Bran: Seven. Can we pick her up in my truck? 

Me:  Sure. Do you have money?

Bran: A little but did you know it's SIXTEEN DOLLARS for popcorn and stuff??!!!!

Me: I'll buy the tickets so you can buy her some popcorn     ...

Me again: and be sure and take a shower before you go ...

Me again: AND put on deodorant ....

Me again: and fix your hair so it won't look weird from your baseball hat ...

Bran: (giving me bad looks more frequently now)

Me again: and don't wear a tank top ,,,

Bran: (wishing he could jump out of the moving vehicle he's stuck in with me)  ...

Me again: and ..

Bran:  (with great disdain and eye rolling) MOM!! Ok!!!!! I'm good!!!! Duh!!  I'm not going to wear a TANK TOP!!!!!!!

Me:  I just had to check to make sure that wasn't in your realm of possibility. 

Bran: Defeated sigh. 

The moral of this tale:  All women of the free world should forever be grateful to the mothers of malekind that they have money to pay for popcorn, they do not stink or have smashed up hat hair, and they do NOT show up in raggedy Bob Marley tank tops on said dates. You are welcome.

102

 (2013) Remember that I mentioned that it is 102 degrees here in Myrtle Beach?  I just discovered that Lily left a half eaten Hershey bar in the back seat of my car two days ago ....

Purist

 Robert Skeet Taylor and I got frozen yogurt at a place that had over 40 toppings ... and Skeet got NONE!  Just plain chocolate yogurt. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!!! I had mini M&Ms, kit kat pieces, rainbow sprinkles, mini Reese's, Oreo bits, Heath bar crumbles, AND a blue gummi bear on MY yogurt!!!  Skeet calls himself a "purist" ... I call him WEIRD!!

Bloated

(2013) Dylan and Lily are going to watch a Lego Batman movie and they want me to get out the air mattress for them to lay on while they watch.  Lil just came running into my room and said, "Mom!  We need to get the air mattress all bloated up!"

Yogurt

(2013) I am definitely raising a Southern girl!  I just asked Lily Claire what she wanted for a snack and she answered, "Yo-Grits", which is what she thought was the name for "yogurt."  Love it! 

Cruel

 (2013) I am cracking up at Brandon because he is OUTRAGED that ESPN is showing some international spelling bee instead of baseball.  A cruel twist of fate for a 15 year old boy stuck at home this evening!  Hahahahaha!!!

Hunk

(2013) Lily was describing Robert Skeet Taylor at lunch: "a person with black white gray hair, wrinkly forehead, hairy arms, and a scratchy face." WHAT A HUNK!!  I am laughing soooo hard!!! 😂😂😂 

Bonfire

Seriously considering burning all the dirty laundry in a bonfire in the backyard rathering than doing it all today!  No one would notice a twenty foot burning pile of cloth in my backyard, would they?!!! 

Gerbil

 (2013) Lily just asked me if she could have a JEWEL-BALL.  ????  Finally realized she was trying to say GERBIL!  I think the Jewel-Ball is a better option.

Lipstick

 (2013) So I delievered some news to Lily Claire last night that was followed by ten minutes of uproarious squealing, jumping, twirling, and clapping with delight.  Did I tell her we had won the lottery?!  No.  Did I tell her we were going to Disney World?!  No.  Did I tell her she could wear pink lipstick to her ballet recital tonight?  Yes!  It was a major lipstick celebration at our house.  :)

Concert

 I signed up for this site called "Bandsintown" that tracks when music groups that you like are going to be in town doing concerts.  It automatically gets information from your Itunes playlists and puts those artists in a tracking system for you.  It then gave me some suggestions for some other groups I might want to see in concert based on my current favorites.  I had to crack up when it suggested that I be notified when GENE KELLY was coming in concert!  That concert would be quite a marvel since he DIED in 1996!!  I DEFINITELY want to know about THAT concert so I can be the first to get tickets!

Baconator

 (2016) ONLY for her 16 year old son would a true Southern woman ever be caught dead ordering something at Wendys called a TRIPLE BACON-ATOR BURGER with extra bacon, gynormous supersized fries, and enough sweet tea to fill a bathtub!  Even the lady at the counter was laughing as I stood there ALONE in my pink sweater and pearls ordering that monstrosity!!! I must have said "It's for my son" eighteen times!!!! Next time he's getting a side salad and a diet coke.

Weights

 (2019) Lily was using some of Skeet’s handheld weights this evening. After about ten minutes of pumping the weights up and down, she informed me that her arms were now very “musculent.”  😂😂😂

Naked and Afraid

 Robert Skeet Taylor loves the show Naked and Afraid, and I must admit, it sucks me in every time! The other night while we were watching an episode, I asked him, “Do you think we could survive 21 days in some terrible, wilderness, survival situation?” 

Skeet: No answer. 

Me: What?? You don’t??

Skeet: Not really. 

Me: ... Why?? Would I be the weak link?!

Skeet: No answer. (smart man)

Sheesh!! I have NO IDEA why he would think that!! I only constantly complain if I’m tired, hungry, thirsty, hot, cold, dirty, itchy, cut, scratched, sunburned, sore, scared, wet, damp, near a bug, or in any way slightly uncomfortable!  WHY would I not be the ideal partner in the jungle for a month?! 😂😂😂 Skeet must be crazy to pass up that kind of paradise!

Skeleton

(2012) Life with Dylan:  This morning we were talking about Easter and I said, "Jesus died for us then rose from the grave three days later!"  Dylan:  "Cool!  So Jesus is a skeleton now?"  Sigh.  "No Dyl, Jesus is not a skeleton!" 

Favoritist

 (2012) I gave Lily a new Berenstain Bears book this morning and she gasped real big and said, "Wow! This is my most favoritest book I never seen!"  

Ragamuffin

 (2011) Whenever Lily Claire has been outside playing and she looks a mess, I tell her she looks like a little "rag-a-muffin."  Today she had a checkup at the doctor and I told her we needed to brush her hair, to which she replie, "Why?  Am I a "mag -a -ruffin?"  :)

Weirdo

(2016) Helping Bran with a paper for his British Lit class tonight that is about how the Victorian ideals of the time were portrayed in Dickens' Oliver Twist and how he used the novel to attack the Poor Laws of the time, etc.  I am all enthused and loving every second of it and remembering how much I LOVE everything about this time period and topic. Meanwhile, Bran is miserable writing this paper and says to me,"Seriously ...  This is completely useless and and no normal person cares about a bunch of poems that make no sense and all these long, confusing stories ....What kind of weirdo would go to college and get a whole degree in this stuff!!?"  Long awkward pause.  "Um.  That would be me, son."  Nice backpedalling, Bran. Yes, he is definitely his father's son.  😄 Hahaaaa!!! 

Best Friend

(2010) Lily Claire's teacher told me today that her little two year old classmates were on the floor at circle time and each child in the class was telling about his/her "best friend."  The other kids were naming children in the class as their best friends, but when they got to Lily Claire and asked her who was her best friend, she said "Mama" ... you KNOW I loved that!!!!!! 

Memories

 (2012) I pulled out Brandon's baby book of pictures to show him tonight and Lily rushed over and said, "Ooooo ... I want to look at Bran's remem-bories"! 

Broadway

 (2014) PROUD PROUD parent moment ... Dylan has a part in the 5th grade school musical.  He is CAMPER ITCH-ALOT and apparently he has to "scratch alot".  His one line is, "The mosquitoes are eating me alive!"  Watch out BROADWAY ... I'm sure he will be discovered with this amazing break-out role!! :)

Grass

 (2014) Bran was recounting to me a recent dinner he had at an Italian restaurant.  He said the waitress came and asked him if he wanted a Caesar salad or mixed greens.  He said he knew he didn't like Caesar so he order the mixed greens, not really knowing what it was.  He said in shock, "Mom, when they brought the salad, the leaves were ALL PURPLE!!!!  And then I asked for ranch dressing and they said the dressing was already on it and I couldn't see ANYTHING.  I felt like I was eating grass, like some cow, but I didn't want to say anything and seem rude."  CRACKED me up!!!

Law

ALERT FRIENDS AND FAMILY... Thanks to Lily, I was made aware of an important new law for EVERYONE in America that will apparently go into effect this summer!  Take note!  Wouldn't want to have to make a citizen's arrest ... 

Rules

 One of the hallmarks of being a Southern mother .... reminding your kids of every rule of good manners ever known to man while taking them to any event away from home  ... a birthday party, a sleepover, whatever.  The poor kid is trapped in the back seat of the car all the way to their friend's house while you repeat the same age-old list ... "Don't ask for a bunch of food, wait until it's offered ... don't grunt when an adult speaks to you, say Yes M'am and No M'am ... be SURE and say thank you and please ... don't run in their house and wipe your feet on the mat when you go in ... don't act like a buffoon or you'll never be invited again ..."  The kid just nods automatically at every rule you throw out there, like one of Pavlov's dogs hearing a bell for the millionth time.  By the time you pull into the driveway, they can't get out of the car fast enough and the only thing they are thinking is that they sure wish DAD had given them a ride instead of Mom!!!  :)

Rap

 (2011) Bran is singing a super obnoxious "rap" song he's making up about macaroni and cheese and then he informed me that it was only the first verse of this "masterpiece."  I am DEFINITELY going to bed now before verse 2 even begins!! (This is the rap so far, "I want macaroni and cheese, I have no keys, cause all my cars are PUSH TO START, I'm not riding in grocery carts") - do you feel my pain?

Lion

(2020)  I had to go by the grocery store tonight and Lily went with me. I was complaining a little to her that I was tired of not being able to find ground beef. Right about that time Lily gasped and spotted this huge beef brisket, something she had never seen before. In all seriousness she turned to me and said, “What in the world?!! They don’t have ground beef, but they have lion?!!” I about died laughing! She had never seen such a big piece of meat and honestly thought it was from a lion!! 😂😂😂 

Blind

 (2018) Guess I was cheering too loudly for Dyl at his ballgame because Lily turned to me and said, “Sshhhh, Mom! You’re making my ears go blind!!” 😂😂😂

Rude

 (2013) Lily Claire asked me, "Does the Easter Bunny come at night while we're sleeping and hide eggs where no on can find them?"

"Yes!" I answered, thinking she'd be delighted.

Frowning, she replied, "That's RUDE!"

Roar

 (2011) Tonight at dinner, Grammie asked Lily if she was a "good girl."  Lily thought a minute then shouted, "NO!  I AM A MEAN DRAGON!  ROARRRRR!"  We all about cracked up!  She's definitely her mother's daughter!!!

Precious

 (2013) Lily Claire melted my heart tonight.  When I tucked her in bed and was leaving her room I said, "Good night sweet girl.  I love you."  She answered, "Ok.  Thank you for loving me, Mom."  So precious.

BSOL

 (2015) Those of you who know me are aware that I'm not really known for having extensive baseball knowledge (ok, none), and I've been known to erroneously scream "good cut" from time to time when Bran catches a ball in the outfield. I basically sit at the games asking Skeet "What happened?" after each play  and just clap for whatever Bran does. HOWEVER, I was never fully aware of my complete and utter lack of baseball knowledge until the other evening Brandon Taylor and Robert Skeet Taylor were on either side of me  rehashing a recent game. Believe me when I say that they talked for over twenty minutes saying stuff I'd never even heard of IN MY LIFE that apparently did or didn't happen in the game. Y'all, I literally had NO IDEA what they were even saying! It was like a weird, secret "man code" that I'd never been privy to until now!

Here's what the conversation sounded like to me ..., "The southpaw dinger brushback pickle set-up-man with the seeing-eye-single shoestring catch in the hole flashed some leather on the hot corner who had a safety squeeze on a sacrifice bunt with a slice foul sinker in the backdoor breaking ball bad hop balk for the closer in the clutch and the mop up with the BABIP ERA WHIP, don't you agree?"

Ummmm .... yes??  .... 

I've now decided that instead of being ESOL, (English as a Second or Other Language), I am what you would call BSOL,.. (BASEBALL as a Second or Other Language).  And after hearing all their jibberish, it will be a PERMANENT condition for me, I am quite sure. Unless maybe there is some Rosetta Stone software that could help me out. 🙂  #lifewiththeTaylormen

Punched

(2009)  Lily Claire just told me that if I don't wear green today, a leprechaun will PUNCH me! I said, "No, he won't!  That's not nice!"  Lily Claire insisted that's what her teacher said!  Then it dawned on me she meant the leprechaun would PINCH me! For a minute, I thought we had an violent leprechaun running around here somewhere!