Price tags

 (2015) Murphy's Law: Found 24 heavy tea glasses at the Dollar Store today to use on Easter Sunday. Yay! Just finished scraping and scrubbing off 24 sticky price tags that were stuck like glue to the bottom of each one. Boo!! Why does anything need a price tag at the dollar store, anyway?!

Pan

 (2016) Lily just saw this picture of the day she was born and asked, "Why was I in a pan?"  Hahahaa!

Grandparents

 (2015) Today we were going over a reading assignment in class and I skipped one of the questions by accident. One of my students encouragingly said,”It’s ok, Mrs. Taylor, my grandparents make mistakes a lot, too.” Grandparents?! 😂😂😂 Felt a bit older after that comparison!

Lion

 (2020) I had to go by the grocery store tonight and Lily went with me. I was complaining a little to her that I was tired of not being able to find ground beef. Right about that time Lily gasped and spotted this huge beef brisket, something she had never seen before. In all seriousness she turned to me and said, “What in the world?!! They don’t have ground beef, but they have lion?!!” I about died laughing! She had never seen such a big piece of meat and honestly thought it was from a lion!! 😂😂😂 

Tires

 (2013) Got home from the store to see my husband on his hands and knees in our new Indian neighbors' driveway surrounded by their four adorable little girls and their mom.  He was pumping up the tires of all of their bikes and tricycles.  I love that guy.

PGA

(2015)  After 24 years of living with Skeet Taylor, I've been "conditioned" to turn on PGA golf in order to take a Sunday afternoon nap, even when he's not around!  The announcers' low, lulling voices are like Pavlov's bell ... They speak and I instantly fall asleep!

Blind

 (2015) Guess I was cheering too loudly for Dyl at his ballgame because Lily turned to me and said, “Sshhhh, Mom! You’re making my ears go blind!!” 😂😂😂

Crazy

 True story. Some twenty-something girl behind me on the way home was riding all over my tail and honking at me wanting me to go faster. When we got to the light she pulled up beside me and rolled down her window and started yelling and going berserk! I did not roll down my window or engage with her, but I think when she saw a mad, tired, glaring old lady wearing Piggy and Gerald earrings with a bobblehead felt beagle wearing a sombrero velcroed to the dashboard, she wisely decided to roll up her window and be quiet. She obviously didn’t wanna mess with THAT level of crazy! 😂😂😂😂

The South

 You know you're in the south when you pass a restaurant called Big D's BBQ Trough situated amongst a trailer park, a baptist church, and Sharky's Firework and Moccasin Emporium.  Now to find that roadside stand of boiled peanuts....

Teenagers

 During the summer months, a lot of teenagers are working at the stores and fast food restaurants (my son included), which can sometimes lead to some pretty funny experiences. (To get the full effect here, you have to make the teenager voice below sound like a sort-of clueless surfer dude ...) ANYWAY, the other day, Papaw drove through Sonic to get a large strawberry limeade drink, and after he ordered, the teenage worker piped through the speaker asking, "So ... would you like ketchup and mustard with that, sir?"  Ummm .. no thanks.  Trying to cut back on the ketchup on my limeades these days.   THEN, Bran and I drove through Sonic a few days later and ordered a "vanilla ice cream with hot fudge."  The teenager voice came back through the speaker, "So ... like ... that will be one diet coke with hot fudge?"  Ummm ... no.  We don't usually get hot fudge ON our diet coke.  We were CRACKING up!  Keep up the good work, teenagers!  Feeling real confident about ALL of our futures with you guys next up to run the world.  :

Twins

(2013) Just told Dylan that the panda at the zoo had twins!  "Aren't ALL pandas pretty much twins?"  he asked.  Good point.

Relish

2018) Lily and I were at Kroger yesterday, and I was buying some egg salad at the deli. I said to Lily that I hoped it didn’t have relish in it because I don’t like relish.
Lily: What’s relish?
Me: It’s sort of like chopped up pickles. I don’t like it.
Lily: Oh! It’s what Papaw puts on his hot dogs!
Me: Yes!
Lily: No, I don’t like relish. And I don’t like hot dogs either!
Me: You don’t like hot dogs??
Lily: No. Well ... I guess if it was the Great Depression I’d eat one, but otherwise no.
😂😂😂😂 Ok! Good to know we have our Great Depression plan in place!!

🌭 🌭 🌭 🌭 🌭 🌭 🌭 🌭 

Snowcones

  I have come to the realization that without air conditioning, I would be a mean, lonely hermit with NO friends or maybe even be in JAIL.  I get SO grouchy and irritable when I'm SUPER hot!  Case in point, after Lily's cheer photos last week on a SCORCHING HOT turf football field in the dead middle of the hottest afternoon in August (and I was stupidly wearing sweat pants), Lily asked if she could have a snow cone when we were done.  OF COURSE, the snow cone truck was parked RIGHT in the sun and I was already super grouchy from sweating to death in the 100 degree afternoon sun in sweatpants!  Sweat was actually dripping down my nose, which made me SUPER grumpy and irritated!  At any rate, I begrudgingly got in the line (no shade, mind you) for a small, Coke flavored snow cone, and the lady in front me proceeds to order SIX LARGE SNOW CONES!!!  Are you kidding me?!!  THEN, she asked the guy to name ALL the sugar free flavors first before choosing.  She then sends her daughter to inquire about what flavors all the siblings want, which fluctuated about ten times from Pina Colado to Blue Raspberry! After an eternity in the boiling sun waiting for her snow cone buffet to be ready, she looks at the snow cones the man is setting on the counter for her and says she needs MORE flavor on ALL of them!!!!  THEN, she takes sample bites of each one and starts to walk away, but NOT before coming back to the window to ask for extra napkins.  I literally almost committed a snow cone FELONY at the window before that lady was finished!  THANKFULLY we got into our air conditioned car to leave and narrowly escaped my hot, angry descent into a life of crime.

Retro

 (2011) I guess I've been watching the Retro TV channel too much because tonight Lily Claire said she wanted to watch "Magnum PI."  I about cracked up, since I was expecting her to say "Dora" or "Angelina Ballerina"!!!!

Rubbish

 (2015) So today Lily came running up to me and said, "Mom, you're RUBBISH!"

WHAT?!

"Lily!  That wasn't nice!" I told her, pretending to be shocked.

"Why?" Lily asked in surprise. "What does 'rubbish' mean?"

"It means TRASH!" I said.

Lily hugged me and said, "Oh ... then you're NICE rubbish!"

Brilliant

 (2013) Not at my most brilliant ... last night we painted a milk carton for Lily Claire's PreK project with yellow tempra paint, which cracked and fell off over night!  SO, we started over today and I spray painted a new milk jug with yellow spray paint which I had to stop and buy at the hardware store.  When I finished I looked at the finished product and asked myself, "After all that, WHY didn't you just buy a yellow Mayfield jug to begin with?!"  Sigh.  Oh well! :)

Mother Of The Year

 (2015) Just when I think I am doing SO well keeping up with all three of my children and their lives, this happens ...

I call the orthodontist today to make Bran's next four or five appointments.  He takes himself each time and we just pay the bill every month.  I am chatting with the ortho lady and after we make the appointments I ask, "So when will Brandon be getting his bottom braces put on?"  

"I'm not sure," she replies, "Hold a moment and I will check for you."

She gets back on the phone after a moment and says, "M'am ... it says here that he actually got them put on already ......... last July."

Me, "(SILENT, BIG AWKWARD PAUSE)."

Wow.  Mother of the Year right here, folks.  Really on top of things!  Apparently I don't see my 16 year old's bottom teeth as often as I thought. I seriously have NO recall of that ever happening!!!  Good grief. :)

Ragamuffin

 (2016) Lily Claire lives life to the fullest, and at the end of every day she is covered with dirt and food and markers ... you name it!  The other evening we were heading home from a ballgame and I looked at her in the backseat, her hair and clothes and face a complete mess, and said, "Lily, you look like a ragamuffin!"  She said, "I like the "muffin" part, but not the "ragga."  Cracked me up!!!

Compliments

 So all my friends out there know that I am married to a WONDERFUL guy and I love him very much! Robert Skeet Taylor  HOWEVER, he has always been NOTORIOUS for some of things he says to me that he THINKS are compliments!  When we were dating, he told me he was glad I wasn't a beauty queen. (Still not sure how THAT was a compliment but it was supposed to be apparently.)  Another time he told me he was glad that no guys looked at me on the beach.  Ummm ... thank you ... I guess??  Well the other night I had been furiously working in the yard for HOURS and when I came inside all bedraggled and a mess, I looked in the mirror and said to him, "Good grief.  I couldn't look any worse if I tried" to which my adoring husband replied, "Oh sweetie, yes you could." Long awkward pause.  WHAT?!!!!!!  And as usual, after twenty minutes of back peddling and explaining, that of course wasn't what he meant!  Geez!  Anyone know where I can sign up an ALMOST perfect husband for eloquence lessons?  I know a guy who needs them!!  :)

Rude

 (2013) Lily Claire asked me, "Does the Easter Bunny come at night while we're sleeping and hide eggs where no on can find them?"

"Yes!" I answered, thinking she'd be delighted.

Frowning, she replied, "That's RUDE!"

Dragon

 (2011) Tonight at dinner, Grammie asked Lily if she was a "good girl."  Lily thought a minute then shouted, "NO!  I AM A MEAN DRAGON!  ROARRRRR!"  We all about cracked up!  She's definitely her mother's daughter!!!

Heaven

 (2013) Poor Papaw!!!   Dylan went over to his house today to play for a while (and to give Mom a break!) and Papaw ended up pitching him 300 wiffle balls AND playing a few rounds of basketball with him in the three hours he was there!  I'm sure Dylan was in HEAVEN .... Papaw, not so much!!!  :)

Good Night

 (2013) Lily Claire melted my heart tonight.  When I tucked her in bed and was leaving her room I said, "Good night sweet girl.  I love you."  She answered, "Ok.  Thank you for loving me, Mom."  So precious.

Hunk

 (2015) Oh my gosh... I can NOT quit laughing! One of Bran's baseball buddies came rushing up to Skeet tonight and said, "Mr. Taylor! We learned about someone today in history class that looks EXACTLY like you! I couldn't believe it!" Guess who it was?!! PRESIDENT TRUMAN!!!!!!!!!!! I about fell out laughing! Someone, hold me back from this hunk! 

Punch

 (2012) Lily Claire just told me that if I don't wear green today, a leprechaun will PUNCH me! I said, "No, he won't!  That's not nice!"  Lily Claire insisted that's what her teacher said!  Then it dawned on me she meant the leprechaun would PINCH me! For a minute, I thought we had an violent leprechaun running around here somewhere!  :)

BSOL

 Those of you who know me are aware that I'm not really known for having extensive baseball knowledge (ok, none), and I've been known to erroneously scream "good cut" from time to time when Bran catches a ball in the outfield. I basically sit at the games asking Skeet "What happened?" after each play  and just clap for whatever Bran does. HOWEVER, I was never fully aware of my complete and utter lack of baseball knowledge until the other evening Brandon Taylor and Robert Skeet Taylor were on either side of me  rehashing a recent game. Believe me when I say that they talked for over twenty minutes saying stuff I'd never even heard of IN MY LIFE that apparently did or didn't happen in the game. Y'all, I literally had NO IDEA what they were even saying! It was like a weird, secret "man code" that I'd never been privy to until now!

Here's what the conversation sounded like to me ..., "The southpaw dinger brushback pickle set-up-man with the seeing-eye-single shoestring catch in the hole flashed some leather on the hot corner who had a safety squeeze on a sacrifice bunt with a slice foul sinker in the backdoor breaking ball bad hop balk for the closer in the clutch and the mop up with the BABIP ERA WHIP, don't you agree?"

Ummmm .... yes??  .... 

I've now decided that instead of being ESOL, (English as a Second or Other Language), I am what you would call BSOL,.. (BASEBALL as a Second or Other Language).  And after hearing all their jibberish, it will be a PERMANENT condition for me, I am quite sure. Unless maybe there is some Rosetta Stone software that could help me out. 🙂  #lifewiththeTaylormen

Birthday

 (2011) Just had a FUN birthday dinner with my family at the Japanese restaurant ... cracking up because after spend the night parties and a baseball car wash this weekend, both my boys pretty much slept through the whole thing!!!

DMV

 My dad took a friend of ours from church to renew his license at the DMV.  They walked in and not a SOUL was in the place (how lucky!)  The walked up to the counter and said they needed to renew.  Now, mind you, NO ONE was there but them.  The lady said, "I'm sorry, You have to take a number."  Laughing, they went over and pulled a number, number 12, and then returned to the lady.  The lady then said, "I'm sorry.  You'll have to be seated until your number is called."  THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE THERE!  As soon as they sat down in the waiting area, the lady caled out, "Number 12." They took their number to her at that point and THEN she proceeded to help them renew.  I was cracking up envisioning this scene ... it's like something from the Carol Burnett show!  

Advice

 Today's free springtime advice .... never coat all your birdseed with "Coles Flaming Squirrel Repellant Sauce" and then hang your feeder from a very high branch on a super windy day.  Though it sounds unlikely, a big piece of flaming seed WILL fall out of the feeder right into your eye.  Unfortunately I am speaking from painful experience.