Red Clay and Glitter: Tales of a Southern Mama

Monday, March 12, 2018

Woodpecker

(2014) I asked Lily Claire if we should name the bright redheaded woodpecker that we've seen at our birdfeeder several times this week. I am proud to announce that we now have "FLUFFY, the woodpecker!"

Giraffe Censoring

(2017) Lily and I have been mesmerized watching and waiting for April the giraffe to have her baby! Lily LOVES everything to do with animals and says she wants to be a zoologist when she grows up! I had to crack up, though, that the live feed went down for a while because some animal activists, who were mad about April being in a zoo, reported the site to Youtube as having 'explicit sexual activity' and 'nudity.' First of all, you see animals have babies every day on PBS documentaries! And, I had no idea until today that a giraffe could be nude! Learn something new (or should I say "nude") every day! Hahahahaaaaaa! On a side note, we can't believe that the baby will weigh 150 lbs. and be 6 feet tall at birth!!! KUDOS, April ... I'm in awe!

I Wasn’t Born Married ...

So, friends ... the story I'm about to relay is not an episode of Punk'd. It actually happened to me this weekend. What is the setting of said story, you may ask? Yes, the DMV (DDS, whatever). Genre: the stuff nightmares are made of. I arrived at the DMV around noon on Friday since we had a day off. I was given the number B392. The number they called as I sat down? 331. At 1:30 they call B392. I rush to the window with all my paperwork ... my birth certificate, my W2, my bank statement, my pay stub, my old license. The gentleman asks, "Where's your marriage license?"
Huh?
"I did not bring my marriage license since I brought all the other options listed on your site."
The gentleman, "Ma'am, you've had a name change."
"No, I haven't had a name change in 26 years. My old license, my W2, my pay stub, and my bank statement all reflect my name from the last 26 years ... Klaas-Taylor."
The gentleman, "Sorry. Your birth certificate doesn't say Taylor."
SUPER long pause from me, trying to process this logic.
Me thinking, "Is this some sort of weird joke? Why would my birth certificate have my married name on it? Yes, I was a child bride, but I wasn't born married! My last license from the DMV HAS my married name on it and my photo!"
The gentleman, "Sorry ... but since your birth certificate only says Klaas and not Taylor, you will have to come back with your marriage license in order to renew so we know it's you."
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! So, yes, I had to drive home, make a copy of my marriage license and return in order to renew since my "recent" name change of 26 years ago wasn't on my birth certificate. Would Skeet have had to bring our marriage license to renew? NO! I left the DMV at 4:00 with a renewed license, and apparently, a newly changed name. Exactly how I dreamed of spending four hours of my special day off from school!
Only the government.
Georgia Department Of Driver Services

The DMV ... and other nightmares

I have to share a hilarious story my Dad told me about the DMV from years ago (proving that some things never change!) He took a friend of ours from church to renew his license. They walked in and not a SOUL was in the place (how lucky!) The walked up to the counter and said they needed to renew. Now, mind you, NO ONE was there but them. The lady said, "I'm sorry, You have to take a number." Laughing, they went over and pulled a number, number 12, and then returned to the lady. The lady then said, "I'm sorry. You'll have to be seated until your number is called." THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE THERE! As soon as they sat down in the waiting area, the lady caled out, "Number 12." They took their number to her at that point and THEN she proceeded to help them renew. I was cracking up envisioning this scene ... it's like something from the Carol Burnett show!

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Called Out

I got called out by my daughter in the car the other day on the ride home from school. There was tons of traffic and it was taking us forever to get home! This one lady at a light in front of us was looking down at her phone and not paying attention that she was blocking the entire turn lane. I was getting super annoyed and yelled out (inside our car, of course, where the lady couldn’t hear me), “MOVE IT, DORK!” From the backseat Lily gasped. “Mom!” she said, “you yelled that while we are listening to the FISH!” (Christian radio station). “Oops,” I said, “What I MEANT to say was ‘God bless you, sister’...” Lily stared at me a moment with a very skeptical look on her face, then we both started cracking up! Guess I’ll have to be a bit nicer driver with my accountability group sitting in the back seat!! 😂😂😂

Whoppers

(2010) Dylan was disappointed that his team lost their baseball game tonight, but apparently "Whoppers heal all wounds" when you're a ten year old boy!

Cussing

I had a funny memory today of a time my kids were shocked because they thought I had done something much worse than I really had. In our house, the kids weren't allowed to say "shut up" because we told the it was a VERY "bad word" (and just rude, really!). Well one day, Bran and Dylan were in the back seat (Bran was probably 11 and Dylan 6 ... at the height of their arguing stage) and they had been arguing and fighting NONSTOP the whole day. The arguing and tattling and shoving and pestering and yelling continued in the car and I was about to blow a gasket. I had HAD it. I pulled the car over, jerked to a stop, whirled around at them, and YELLED SUPER loudly at them, "JUST SHUT UP!!!!!!!" You could have heard a pin drop in that car, and I still remember the absolute SHOCK on their faces. Then, Dylan croaked out in disbelief, "Mommy cussed!" Not my finest parenting moment, but now I laugh thinking of all the damage control I had to do after that so they wouldn't go to school (where I taught, I might add) and tell their teachers that their mom was "cussing" at them in the car!! Sheesh!!

Gummi Bears

(2011) After school, I surprised the kids and took them to the park to play for a while ... they had a blast. It was so much fun watching them running around, screaming and laughing. Then I won the prize for Mom of the Year because I let them stop at the drugstore to buy some gummy worms on the way home. Life is good.

UnAmerican

I feel un-American .. I've been on Facebook all these years and I just today "liked" Jell-O. How could I have taken so long?!!

Monday, March 5, 2018

Winter Blues

When winter blues start dragging me down and I am tired of all the cold and the rain, I know it's time for TWO important, surefire fixes ... highlight my hair and watch a big dose of my idol, DORIS. Pillow Talk, here I come.

Like A Mom

Sweet conversation in my classroom yesterday:

All the students in my morning class are on the reading rug around my big moon chair getting ready for read-aloud. I hear ...
Myha (whispering): Go ahead, tell her! Tell her. Mrs. Taylor won't mind.
Me, to the two students: Is everything ok? Do you guys need something?
Myha: (Nudging her best friend Ayan again) It's ok ... tell her!
Ayan remains quiet.
Myha: Ayan is afraid to tell you that she is so hungry she feels like she might get sick.
Me: Oh no! Go get a snack from under my desk. There are Goldfish and crackers. Take whatever kind you like.
Myah (whispering to Ayan as they are going to my desk to get the snack): See! I TOLD you she loves us like a mom.

BEST part of my day!

Chicken Pox

I was fussing a little bit at Lily Claire tonight because when I came downstairs she had put stickers all over her dolls! I said, "Lily, don't put stickers on your nice babydolls!" to which she replied, "I didn't. They have chickenpox."