Hey Mom, I Need Some Food”

I got a text today from Brandon that made me laugh harder than I’ve laughed in a long time! So, the other night, very late, he calls me and says, “Mom, I’m hungry after my games. Can you send me some Ramen Noodles and a microwave bowl?” (no ovens in dorms). OF COURSE, what I HEARD was, “Mom, I’m dying of starvation and fading away into nothingingness. I am miserable and alone far, far away. Help me!!!!!” I JUMP onto the computer in the middle of the night and immediately order him four cases of Ramen Noodles, the bowl, AND macaroni and cheese cups, cookies, Sunny Delight, Goldfish, Little Debbie Easter cakes, and a 24 jumbo variety pack of Gatorade, all to be shipped to his dorm ASAP! In my defense, what else could I do after getting what I believed to be a DESPERATE SOS call from my baby who is living far away at college saying he’s HUNGRY (a Southern mother’s WORST NIGHTMARE)! I may have panicked just a little. At any rate, I get this text today from him today with the caption “Hey mom, I need food” and a video of what got delivered to the post office up the street from his dorm today which is now in his tiny car to be hauled back to his tiny room. I have never laughed so hard in my LIFE! Oops. Well, at least I can sleep easy tonight knowing my son is definitely NOT going to be hungry tonight … or for the next six months, apparently!! 😂😂😂

Rude

(2014) Lily Claire asked me, "Does the Easter Bunny come at night while we're sleeping and hide eggs where no on can find them?"
"Yes!" I answered, thinking she'd be delighted.
Frowning, she replied, "That's RUDE!"

Whopper

I am laughing soooooo hard!  Whopper perfume??????????  Dylan would fall instantly in LOVE with any girl who smelled like a Whopper! Haaaa!!!  This is a new product from Burger King Japan!  SO WEIRD!!!!!

Downward Spiral

It's a pretty sure sign that the world is in a serious downward spiral when the news headline of the day is "The Easter Bunny brawls with shoppers at a NJ mall."  Seriously, what is happening to society?!! Or should I say "Hop-pening ..." Hahaaa!!'

Pooped

Puppy nightmare 101 currently happening at the Taylor house ... I didn’t realize Buddy had an accident in the kitchen (💩) and I turned on the Roomba while straightening up downstairs. Unbeknownst to me, the Roomba ran over it and dragged it ALL OVER the kitchen floors and rugs! I have a weak stomach, so cleaning it all up has traumatized me!!  I’m now totally grossed out AND pooped! (pun definitely intended!) 😂😂😂 Thanks, Buddy.  🐶

McWrap

Wow ... some poor McDonalds employee was marching around outside today waving and wearing a huge box costume that said "McWrap." On second thought ... he probably makes more per hour than I do!!! More power to you, Mr. McWrap!

Crumbly Hair

(2012) Lily Claire drew a picture of me tonight ... in the picture, Brandon is on my left and she and Dylan are on my right (just in case you couldn't recognize us for some reason!).  While she was drawing it, she asked  if it was ok if she made me have "purple crumble-y hair" in the picture. Sure! Why not?!

Flaming Squirrel Repellent Sauce

Today's free springtime advice .... never coat all your birdseed with "Coles Flaming Squirrell Repellant Sauce" and then hang your feeder from a very high branch.  Though it sounds unlikely, a big piece of flaming seed WILL fall out of the feeder right into your eye.  Unfortunately I am speaking from painful experience.

Woodpecker

(2014) I asked Lily Claire if we should name the bright redheaded woodpecker that we've seen at our birdfeeder several times this week.  I am proud to announce that we now have "FLUFFY, the woodpecker!"

Giraffe Censoring

(2017) Lily and I have been mesmerized watching and waiting for April the giraffe to have her baby!  Lily LOVES everything to do with animals and says she wants to be a zoologist when she grows up! I had to crack up, though, that the live feed went down for a while because some animal activists, who were mad about April being in a zoo, reported the site to Youtube as having 'explicit sexual activity' and 'nudity.'  First of all, you see animals have babies every day on PBS documentaries!  And, I had no idea until today that a giraffe could be nude!  Learn something new (or should I say "nude") every day!  Hahahahaaaaaa! On a side note, we can't believe that the baby will weigh 150 lbs. and be 6 feet tall at birth!!! KUDOS, April ... I'm in awe!

I Wasn’t Born Married ...

So, friends ... the story I'm about to relay is not an episode of Punk'd.  It actually happened to me this weekend. What is the setting of said story, you may ask? Yes, the DMV (DDS, whatever).  Genre: the stuff nightmares are made of. I arrived at the DMV around noon on Friday since we had a day off. I was given the number B392.  The number they called as I sat down?  331. At 1:30 they call B392.  I rush to the window with all my paperwork ... my birth certificate, my W2, my bank statement, my pay stub, my old license. The gentleman asks, "Where's your marriage license?"
Huh?
"I did not bring my marriage license since I brought all the other options listed on your site."
The gentleman, "Ma'am, you've had a name change."
"No, I haven't had a name change in 26 years.  My old license, my W2, my pay stub, and my bank statement all reflect my name from the last 26 years ... Klaas-Taylor."
The gentleman, "Sorry.  Your birth certificate doesn't say Taylor."
SUPER long pause from me, trying to process this logic.
Me thinking, "Is this some sort of weird joke? Why would my birth certificate have my married name on it? Yes, I was a child bride, but I wasn't born married! My last license from the DMV HAS my married name on it and my photo!"
The gentleman, "Sorry ... but since your birth certificate only says Klaas and not Taylor, you will have to come back with your marriage license in order to renew so we know it's you."
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!  So, yes, I had to drive home, make a copy of my marriage license and return in order to renew since my "recent" name change of 26 years ago wasn't on my birth certificate. Would Skeet have had to bring our marriage license to renew? NO! I left the DMV at 4:00 with a renewed license, and apparently, a newly changed name. Exactly how I dreamed of spending four hours of my special day off from school!
Only the government.
Georgia Department Of Driver Services

The DMV ... and other nightmares

I have to share a hilarious story my Dad told me about the DMV from years ago (proving that some things never change!)  He took a friend of ours from church to renew his license.  They walked in and not a SOUL was in the place (how lucky!)  The walked up to the counter and said they needed to renew.  Now, mind you, NO ONE was there but them.  The lady said, "I'm sorry, You have to take a number."  Laughing, they went over and pulled a number, number 12, and then returned to the lady.  The lady then said, "I'm sorry.  You'll have to be seated until your number is called."  THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE THERE!  As soon as they sat down in the waiting area, the lady caled out, "Number 12." They took their number to her at that point and THEN she proceeded to help them renew.  I was cracking up envisioning this scene ... it's like something from the Carol Burnett show!

Called Out

I got called out by my daughter in the car the other day on the ride home from school. There was tons of traffic and it was taking us forever to get home! This one lady at a light in front of us was looking down at her phone and not paying attention that she was blocking the entire turn lane. I was getting super annoyed and  yelled out (inside our car, of course, where the lady couldn’t hear me), “MOVE IT, DORK!”   From the backseat Lily gasped. “Mom!” she said,  “you yelled that while we are listening to the FISH!”  (Christian radio station). “Oops,” I said, “What I MEANT to say was ‘God bless you, sister’...”  Lily stared at me a moment with a very skeptical look on her face, then we both started cracking up! Guess I’ll have to be a bit nicer driver with my accountability group sitting in the back seat!! 😂😂😂

Whoppers

(2010)  Dylan was disappointed that his team lost their baseball game tonight, but apparently "Whoppers heal all wounds" when you're a ten year old boy!

 

Cussing

I had a funny memory today of a time my kids were shocked because they thought I had done something much worse than I really had.  In our house, the kids weren't allowed to say "shut up" because we told the it was a VERY "bad word" (and just rude, really!).  Well one day, Bran and Dylan were in the back seat (Bran was probably 11 and Dylan 6 ... at the height of their arguing stage) and they had been arguing and fighting NONSTOP the whole day.  The arguing and tattling and shoving and pestering  and yelling continued in the car and I  was about to blow a gasket.  I had HAD it.  I pulled the car over, jerked to a stop, whirled around at them, and YELLED SUPER loudly at them, "JUST SHUT UP!!!!!!!"  You could have heard a pin drop in that car, and I still remember the absolute SHOCK on their faces.  Then, Dylan croaked out in disbelief, "Mommy cussed!"  Not my finest parenting moment, but now I laugh thinking of all the damage control I had to do after that so they wouldn't go to school (where I taught, I might add) and tell their teachers that their mom was "cussing" at them in the car!!  Sheesh!!