Waxing

I hate when I go to get my eyebrows done, as I did today, and the lady asks, "Your lip? your lip?" meaning, do I want my upper lip waxed. I always say "no thank you" and then the lady shakes her head and looks at me with shock and despair like she's looking at some huge, shaggy mustache on my face!  It makes me so paranoid!!!  Here's how I think I look and then how the waxing lady makes me THINK I look leaving the shop!!!!

Jaguar

So Bran calls and informs me that he accidentally backed his truck into a car tonight. What kind of car? A Jaguar, of course. What are the odds of this in Royston, Georgia?! You can’t make this stuff up.

Gun

I am watching a cute movie made in 1968 starring James Garner and Debbie Reynolds. They have a teenage son who wants to bum around Europe all summer and the kid just said, "Dad, I will be fine going by myself because I believe that all around the world love and trust protects us all."  The dad replies, "I've been all around the world ... Take a gun."  Cracked me up!!!  Sounds like a conversation that would happen in my house!!!!!

Sport Talk

(2014) This is why Bran hates to have sports conversations with me ...

Bran:  Mom, wouldn't it be awesome if I went Alabama to play for Nick Sabin?
Me:  That would be cool, but I hope that guy would have GRADUATED by the time you get there to start playing football!  That'd be sort of sad if he was still in college that long!
Bran:  Mom ... Nick Sabin is the COACH.
Me: Oh.

Sweet Talk

(2013) Note to self ... do NOT take a 15 year old boy to the grocery store with you!  I was running in to pick up one or two things and came out with a TON of stuff that I got sweet-talked into buying ... a case of Mug rootbeer, Chex mix, Pringles, Fruit Loops with marshmallows, a family sized bag of Chips Ahoy, chocolate chip PopTarts ... a hoard of neverending snacks for the bottomless pit named Brandon Taylor!

Brown

I hate when I'm trying to buy makeup online and they try and use real creative names for the colors  ... I just need some BROWN eyeliner, but the choices I have are "Dance Fever", "Ice Pixie" or "Brazen Rain".  Can I just find BROWN, please?! Which of these is BROWN??!!

Football

Adding to the roasting heat and biting bugs at the football field is a New York lady sitting right next to me angrily SCREAMING in my ear after every play.  Really??!! Apparently her son’s name or nickname is “Megatron.” I know because it’s ringing in my ears.  She keeps YELLING “Watch the ball” but it sounds like “Watch the bull” which is annoying me even more.  I must have been mistaken that this is 10U rec football ... it’s apparently the Super Bowl. I’m about to commit a second felony at the ball-field already this season, but this time NOT involving snow cones.

Bunnies

(2012) I love the imagination of 4 year olds ... I was laying with Lily Claire last night in her bed while she fell asleep and she said, "Mama, let's pretend that you are the mommy bunny and I am the baby bunny and we are down in our little rabbit hole underground."  So we did!  We had a lot of fun in that little rabbit hole together!

Lifetime

So I've decided I'm much more of a Hallmark Channel girl than Lifetime.  Lifetime movies always make me feel creepy and are either scary or depressing, though it's supposed to be a channel that most women love!  I'll stick with the somewhat cheesy, sentimental, feel good Hallmark movies any day! Guess I'll go watch "Operation Cupcake" now rather than "My Teenage Babysitter's Secret Life As An Alcoholic Axe Murderer Who Seduced My Husband's Brother Who Has a Chronic Illness."

Mean

(2010) Lily Claire was playing with my cell phone (which was turned off) and I asked her who she was "talking" to.  She happily answered "Santa Claus".  A few moments later she slammed the phone down and said, "I hang up because Santa Claus was being mean to me!"  That's a two year old for you!!!

Skippy

(2013) Dylan, Dylan, Dylan...  I don't know where he comes up with half the things he does or says ... you just NEVER know what is next.  Today at school, his teachers told me that in all seriousness, he has asked all of them to call him by 'the nickname that his entire family calls him' ... "Skippy."  SKIPPY??  I, nor ANYONE in our entire family, has EVER called Dylan "Skippy"!!!!!!  What on earth?!!  He could have at least chosen something a tad less nerdy!!

Loaf

Ummm.... Dylan just informed me that we need a new "loaf" of toilet paper in his bathroom. Boys crack me up!

Bamboozled

(2013) I think I'm being bamboozled ... Lily crawled in my bed tonight and said, "See how much I love you, Mama, that I want to sleep in here with you, rather than all alone in my own room?"  Of course, after looking at her little face, it worked.

Aristocats

(2013)Lily had a VERY exciting moment last night when she realized that our family is "exactly like" the Aristocats ... a mom, dad, two brothers, and a sister!  Now we are all being called by our cat name, since apparently we ARE the Aristocats!  Sincerely, Duchess

Bribery

(2014) Mwah ha ha ha haaaaaa!!!!  That is my DEVIOUS, EVIL MOTHER LAUGH!! Yes, I have stooped to bribery  and it WORKED (don't judge a desperate woman).  Brandon has wanted me to get him a subscription to Netflix for a LONG time, so I told him that when his summer reading was done AND the WELL DONE report was finished, I would order Netflix.  Guess who's reading his book as we speak?!!!!!   Unless you know my boys, you have NO IDEA the miracle of which I speak. Thank you to a dear friend for the BRILLIANT bribery, oh, I mean "motivational incentive," idea ... pure genius!  Mwah ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!