Mom Life

Moms out there, I know you can relate ... when I was driving home from work around 5:30, I was dreaming about getting home, laying on the couch, and taking a nap!  It's now 10:06 and I still haven't taken my nap OR eaten dinner!  Let's see ... washed baseball uniforms for this week, gave Lily a bath, helped Dylan study for a Social Studies test, updated all the game schedules on our calendars, made PBJ sandwich for Lil, helped Bran learn some chemistry equations for a test tomorrow from a YouTube site, ordered Bran some new shoes, Lily got sick on her stomach so I had to strip the beds and clean the floors and the hall bathroom, vacuumed potato chips off the floor in the boys' room, put dinner in the crockpot for tomorrow, read the mail, emptied the trash for trash day, hung up the dry cleaning ... can this day end now?!  Such is the life of a mom, and the funny things is, it's really all ok, since now I know everyone and everything is taken care of for another day.  NOW I can rest! (maybe)  :)

BSOL

Those of you who know me are aware that I'm not really known for having extensive baseball knowledge (ok, none), and I've been known to erroneously scream "good cut" from time to time when Bran catches a ball in the outfield. I basically sit at the games asking Skeet "What happened?" after each play  and just clap for whatever Bran does. HOWEVER, I was never fully aware of my complete and utter lack of baseball knowledge until the other evening Brandon Taylor and Robert Skeet Taylor were on either side of me  rehashing a recent game. Believe me when I say that they talked for over twenty minutes saying stuff I'd never even heard of IN MY LIFE that apparently did or didn't happen in the game. Y'all, I literally had NO IDEA what they were even saying! It was like a weird, secret "man code" that I'd never been privy to until now!

Here's what the conversation sounded like to me ..., "The southpaw dinger brushback pickle set-up-man with the seeing-eye-single shoestring catch in the hole flashed some leather on the hot corner who had a safety squeeze on a sacrifice bunt with a slice foul sinker in the backdoor breaking ball bad hop balk for the closer in the clutch and the mop up with the BABIP ERA WHIP, don't you agree?"

Ummmm .... yes??  ....

I've now decided that instead of being ESOL, (English as a Second or Other Language), I am what you would call BSOL,.. (BASEBALL as a Second or Other Language).  And after hearing all their jibberish, it will be a PERMANENT condition for me, I am quite sure. Unless maybe there is some Rosetta Stone software that could help me out. 🙂  #lifewiththeTaylormen

Rainbows and Joy

Written on a birthday card given to me by one of my 3rd graders ... "Mrs Taylor, Every day you come to school you are a ball of rainbows and joy."  Can't get more precious than that!!!

DMV

(2017) So, friends ... the story I'm about to relay is not an episode of Punk'd.  It actually happened to me this weekend. What is the setting of said story, you may ask? Yes, the DMV (DDS, whatever).  Genre: the stuff nightmares are made of. I arrived at the DMV around noon on Friday since we had a day off. I was given the number B392.  The number they called as I sat down?  331. At 1:30 they call B392.  I rush to the window with all my paperwork ... my birth certificate, my W2, my bank statement, my pay stub, my old license. The gentleman asks, "Where's your marriage license?"
Huh?
"I did not bring my marriage license since I brought all the other options listed on your site."
The gentleman, "Ma'am, you've had a name change."
"No, I haven't had a name change in 26 years.  My old license, my W2, my pay stub, and my bank statement all reflect my name from the last 26 years ... Klaas-Taylor."
The gentleman, "Sorry.  Your birth certificate doesn't say Taylor."
SUPER long pause from me, trying to process this logic.
Me thinking, "Is this some sort of weird joke? Why would my birth certificate have my married name on it? Yes, I was a child bride, but I wasn't born married! My last license from the DMV HAS my married name on it and my photo!"
The gentleman, "Sorry ... but since your birth certificate only says Klaas and not Taylor, you will have to come back with your marriage license in order to renew so we know it's you."
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!  So, yes, I had to drive home, make a copy of my marriage license and return in order to renew since my "recent" name change of 26 years ago wasn't on my birth certificate. Would Skeet have had to bring our marriage license to renew? NO! I left the DMV at 4:00 with a renewed license, and apparently, a newly changed name. Exactly how I dreamed of spending four hours of my special day off from school!
Only the government.

Advice

Today's free springtime advice .... never coat all your birdseed with "Coles Flaming Squirrell Repellant Sauce" and then hang your feeder from a very high branch on a super windy day.  Though it sounds unlikely, a big piece of flaming seed WILL fall out of the feeder right into your eye.  Unfortunately I am speaking from painful experience.

George

Today’s adventures in third grade… My readers have been learning about Abraham Lincoln and George Washington because of Presidents’ Day a few weeks ago. Today my small reading group was doing a compare and contrast activity about these two famous men. The kids were shocked and saddened when I told them how Abraham Lincoln died. One of them then asked how George Washington died.
Me: I’m not sure how he died. I know he only lived a few years after his second term ended. I think he got some sort of infection.
One of my 3rd grade boys: He probably died because he was so tall! (We had just read that George Washington was 6 foot 2).
Me: How could he die from being tall?
3rd grade boy (Dead serious and highly concerned): He probably couldn’t bend that far down to clean his feet and got a bad toenail fungus. Those can be deadly.
(Rest of 3rd graders nodding sadly at this obviously plausible possibility.)
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
You just can’t make this stuff up!
#3rdgraderscrackmeup

Fail

I have TOTALLY failed as a good Southern mother.
I was helping Bran study last night for an American Lit test about "Realism" and "Naturalism" (one of my least favorite periods of literature).  At any rate, part of the study guide was about "regionalism" and "regional dialect" and "local color."  I was explaining these concepts to Bran and said, "For example, Margaret Mitchell put Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara on a plantation in the Civil War south and had the characters act and speak based on where they lived and the time period."
Bran replied, "Who are Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara?"
After a gasp of horror, I replied in utter shock and dismay, "You don't know who Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara are?"
"Oh wait ... wait, " Bran said, "Oh yeah ... they are making a movie about them, right?  It's called Fifty Shades of Gray, or something?  Right?"
Oh. my. lord.
"Um, no Brandon. They already MADE a move about Rhett and Scarlett called Gone With the Wind."
Bran, "Never heard of it."
WHERE did I go wrong?!  I actually needed smelling salts for the vapours at this point in the conversation ... As God as my witness, I will be forcing my son to watch Gone With the WInd with his grandmother and me in the very near future, even if I must hog tie him to the couch to do it.  All.four.hours.

Chew Toy

A typical Skeet/Jen conversation last night, this time about Buddy…

Skeet, disgustedly looking at a new chew toy that Buddy has already destroyed: Look at this! Buddy has already torn this thing to shreds!!!
Jen: You’re mad that he chew up a chew toy? Think of all the fun he had tonight playing with it!
Skeet: That is a huge waste of money!
Jen: Is it a huge waste of money when you chew up a cookie?
Skeet: (Silent resignation) Buddy continues happily chewing.
😂😂😂🐶🐶🐶❤️❤️❤️
Bless this poor man who has put up with me, three children, and two dogs for 28 years!

Not Guilty

(2011) I walked into the kitchen this evening to find that Lily had drawn a big flower right on the refridgerator with a purple marker!!!! Thankfully I only buy washable markers! When I said, "Lily Claire, Don't draw on Mommy's refridgerator with marker!" Liily answered sincerely, "I didn't do it, Mommy ... the marker did it." Reminded me of a time Dylan drew all over my CAR with a black Sharpie pen and then told me that a bunch of ants had drawn it! Uh huh. :) Three year olds!

Birthday

(2012) Lily just told me, "Mom, you can come to my birthday party because you're my best friend."  Sniff. Sniff.  Love that little girl!

Obscure

(2012) Bran wasn't sure if I could help him with his Language Arts homework last night because it was about some obscure, little known book called "To Kill A Mockingbird" ... had I ever heard of it?  Ummm ... yes, Bran.  I've heard of that "new" book.

Big Time

(2013) Bran thinks he has hit the BIG TIME being on his highschool baseball team.  Why?  Because he gets FREE sweet tea AND lemonade at practices and games!  WHOA!!!!  Who needs the major leagues with these kinds of perks?!!  You gotta love 14 year old boys!

Papaw

(2012) Today Lily and I were driving to Dylan's scrimmage game and Lily asked, "Mom, how do you know how to get to the park?" I told her, "Because I've driven there a lot of times." She thought a minute and replied, "Yeah ... but Papaw  knows how to go EVERYWHERE like the beach and Barrel Cracker!" Yes indeed, Papaw takes us to all the BEST places!

Hank

While riding with Bran in his truck today, he turned to me and said, "Hank Williams Jr. A Country Boy Can Survive.  Best. Song. EVER."  Yup.  He's from around here.

Ordeal

Those who know me will attest to the fact that I'm adventurous and will try just about anything once (exempting anything illegal  or immoral! ).  However, I am NOT AT ALL adventurous when it comes to food, especially any kind of weird meat.  I can't stand those TV shows where they go to some foreign place and eat a lot of "local delicacies."  I get nauseous within the first five minutes. SOOOO, considering that, I made the ABSOLUTE WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE tonight when I stopped in a food store near my house in the name of expediency that I've never been to before  (store name withheld so I don't hurt anyone's feelings). Y'all .... I should have trusted my instincts when my stomach lurched the moment  we walked In the door. The smells and atmosphere were horrendous, and I didn't recognize even one brand name or food item I'd ever seen before in my life.  As I intrepidly headed toward the meat section to find some simple meatloaf Ingredients, I kept getting queasier and queasier.  I was desperately scanning for ANY  meat I could even identify!  I am not kidding when I say that there were packages of huge wrapped hooves that looked like they were from a big cow or buffalo or something, and big slabs of grayish looking meat wrapped in strings that made my stomach churn. The capper was when I peered down into a refrigerated bin and staring back at me were about six frozen WHOLE lambs heads still with frozen fuzzy wool on them, wrapped in some yellowish cling wrap!  I seriously had to grab Lily's hand and run out of the store before I was completely ILL.  What a nightmare!!  What on earth possessed me to go into a sketchy meat shop to begin with?!  I got OUT OF THERE as fast as I could. Remind me next time to PLEASE take the extra turn into Kroger where I can rest assured that some big frozen animal face won't be greeting me from the meat counter and we won't have to stir-fry giant horse hooves for dinner. I am scarred for life, and Skeet Taylor can't quit laughing at my horrible ordeal!