Tomatoes and Dogs

Last night I watched an old movie and the men kept referring to all the women as "tomatoes" and "dogs"!!! One guy even told a girl she wasn't as much of a dog as she thought she was, and apparently that was a compliment!  Then, the guy's mom, who had a gray bun, glasses,and knitted in a rocking chair the whole movie, was worried that her son would kick her out of the family home when he got married because she was so old.  She then revealed that she was 50!! What??!!!! Hahahaaaa!!!

Homework

Lily was sitting on the couch reading a history article for school about cattle drives.  Out of nowhere, Buddy leaped up and tore off a hunk of the article paper and ate it!! We are in hysterics because we just witnessed a dog ACTUALLY eating homework!!! 😂😂😂

Illegal

Dear Middle School teachers,
Please excuse my daughter if she was extremely sleepy in your classes today. Apparently she stayed up half the night writing an impassioned essay entitled “Why School Should Be Illegal.” 😂😂😂 (true story, folks)

Rainbow

(2010) A scary glimpse into the minds of seven year old boys: At the drugstore, I let Dylan pick out some candy.  He picked out this HUGE multicolored lollipop, of course.  He said, "Mom, I bet I'll be the first person EVER to be able to eat all this at once."  I replied,"If you do, you'll get sick."  He thought a moment and replied cheerfully, "Well, if I throw up, at least it will be rainbow!"   UG!!

Bob the Blob

So what does one do when a student spills red juice on your classroom floor that won't come off, no matter how much the custodian tried?  You turn it into "Bob the Blob," our new beloved classroom friend!  Hahahahaa!  Like we say in my classroom, "I'm not weird, I'm gifted!" (Ok, maybe I'm a little weird, too! Hahahaaaa!)

BEEP

(2012) Failed parenting lesson of the evening ...
I walk in the office and Dylan is sitting at the computer listening to some rap song from pro wrestling.  It doesn't sound very "appropriate" so I come over to disapprove and decide to use the moment to teach a sobering life lesson (or so I think).
Me:  Dylan, would you feel ok about listening to that song if God was sitting right next to you?
Dylan: (dead serious)  Yeah   I think God would be okay with this version, Mom, because whenever they say a cuss word in the song it says "BEEP" instead!
Me: Ummm, ok ... no.  You and God aren't going to listen to this song anymore.
I sure hope God has a very good sense of humor!!!!!

Gray Flannel

I was getting Skeet a new bottle of his cologne that I like called Gray Flannel and this was seriously what it said on the product description ... "Launched by the design house of Geoffrey Beene in 1976, Grey Flannel for Men is recommended for romantic use."  Hahahahaaa!!!  I'll be sure Skeet reads those directions ... I'll be expecting a romantic dinner for two and some roses once he sprays some on!!

Lip

I hate when I go to get my eyebrows done, as I did today, and the lady asks, "Your lip? your lip?" meaning, do I want my upper lip waxed. I always say "no thank you" and then the lady shakes her head and looks at me with shock and despair like she's looking at some huge, shaggy mustache on my face!  It makes me so paranoid!!!  Here's how I think I look and then how the waxing lady makes me THINK I look leaving the shop!!!!

Nick Sabin

(2012) This is why Bran hates to have sports conversations with me ...

Bran:  Mom, wouldn't it be awesome if I went Alabama to play for Nick Sabin?
Me:  That would be cool, but I hope that guy would have GRADUATED by the time you get there to start playing football!  That'd be sort of sad if he was still in college that long!
Bran:  Mom ... Nick Sabin is the COACH.
Me: Oh.

Sweet Talk

(2013) Note to self ... do NOT take a 15 year old boy to the grocery store with you!  I was running in to pick up one or two things and came out with a TON of stuff that I got sweet-talked into buying ... a case of Mug rootbeer, Chex mix, Pringles, Fruit Loops with marshmallows, a family sized bag of Chips Ahoy, chocolate chip PopTarts ... a hoard of neverending snacks for the bottomless pit named Brandon Taylor!

Crisis

(2013) I had to get creative tonight ... Lily couldn't find any of her Barbie's shoes and her Barbie "HAD to go on a walk and was going to get splinters in her toes" (according to Lily).  It was a full blown Barbie crisis!  Anyway, after a little aluminum foil, Barbie now has some awesome silver boots!  Fashion emergency SOLVED.

Brown

I hate when I'm trying to buy makeup online and they try and use real creative names for the colors  ... I just need some BROWN eyeliner, but the choices I have are "Dance Fever", "Ice Pixie" or "Brazen Rain".  Can I just find BROWN, please?! Which of these is BROWN??!!

Megatron

Adding to the roasting heat and biting bugs at the football field is a New York lady sitting right next to me angrily SCREAMING in my ear after every play.  Really??!! Apparently her son’s name or nickname is “Megatron.” I know because it’s ringing in my ears.  She keeps YELLING “Watch the ball” but it sounds like “Watch the bull” which is annoying me even more.  I must have been mistaken that this is 10U rec football ... it’s apparently the Super Bowl. I’m about to commit a second felony at the ball-field already this season, but this time NOT involving snow cones.

Accidentally

So Bran calls and informs me that he accidentally backed his truck into a car tonight. What kind of car? A Jaguar, of course. What are the odds of this in Royston, Georgia?! You can’t make this stuff up.

Radio

Jesus take the wheel ... and the radIo station controls PLEASE!!!! Robert Skeet Taylor is blasting hideous 70s music from HIS era all the way up to see Bran in Royston!!! What the heck is The Pinball Wizard and can it please go away FOREVER???!!!!