Laughs

(2015) It's about two minutes before bedtime and Lily asks me if she could tell me just one more quick thing before bed.
"Sure," I said sleepily. "What is it?"
"Will you listen to my top 100 laughs and tell me which is the best one?"
Ummm ... no, Lil. Let's save that for your next spend the night with Grammie!! :). Hahaaaaa!!

Failed

I have TOTALLY failed as a good Southern mother.
I was helping Bran study last night for an American Lit test about "Realism" and "Naturalism" (one of my least favorite periods of literature).  At any rate, part of the study guide was about "regionalism" and "regional dialect" and "local color."  I was explaining these concepts to Bran and said, "For example, Margaret Mitchell put Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara on a plantation in the Civil War south and had the characters act and speak based on where they lived and the time period."
Bran replied, "Who are Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara?"
After a gasp of horror, I replied in utter shock and dismay, "You don't know who Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara are?"
"Oh wait ... wait, " Bran said, "Oh yeah ... they are making a movie about them, right?  It's called Fifty Shades of Gray, or something?  Right?"
Oh. my. lord.
"Um, no Brandon. They already MADE a move about Rhett and Scarlett called Gone With the Wind."
Bran, "Never heard of it."
WHERE did I go wrong?!  I actually needed smelling salts for the vapours at this point in the conversation ... As God as my witness, I will be forcing my son to watch Gone With the WInd with his grandmother and me in the very near future, even if I must hog tie him to the couch to do it.  All.four.hours.

Gentleman

Dyl's sweet little girlfriend is coming with us to our family Super Bowl party, and Dyl just got his first dose of Southern Mama crazy!  We pulled in to her driveway, and Dyl made the fatal mistake of saying, "Mom, can I have your phone to text her that I'm here?" Long, looooong pause of sheer disbelief.... WHAT?????!!!!!!! I needed my smelling salts as I was completely overcome by the vapors at this point. I was able to wheeze out, "YOU. NEVER. EVER. EVER. TEXT. OR. HONK. TO. PICK. UP.  A. GIRL!! YOU GO TO THE DOOR!!"
Dylan looked completely baffled and said "Mom, why?"
"Because you are a GENTLEMAN and, more importantly, BECAUSE I SAID SO!"  Needless to say, Dylan went to the door ... bless his heart. 😂😂😂 Score one for Southern mothers everywhere.

Breakfast

(2012) When I woke up this morning, I saw on my nighstand that Dylan and Lily Claire had served me a fantastic breakfast in bed!  Just because all the food was either wood or plastic from Lily's pink kitchen in her room was quite alright!

God

(2013) Lily just informed me that she knows what God looks like. Apparently, He's "big and sunny."

Wealth

Dear Wells Fargo,
Thank you for your diligence in having my back with your daily "wealth management" email alerts. Considering that ..
1.  I'm a teacher
2.  I have a son in college
3.  It's basketball AND baseball season
4.  Christmas was last month,
5.  and we got paid six weeks ago ...
my current "wealth management" today was a staggering $13.15.  Is it time to roll over or diversify?  Kudos for keeping my amassed wealth protected and managed! Trying really hard not to spend all my wealth in one place before pay day!

Automatic

I got Mom and Dad an automatic soap dispenser for their kitchen sink that squirts out soap when you pass your hand underneath it. I have been laughing so hard at their tales of trying to get used to it and remember it's there! Mom forgot it was there and reached her hand over to get her coffee cup from the Keurig and ended up with a big blob of soap on the top of her hand!  Then Dad had two sausage biscuits on plates that he took out of the microwave and when they sat down to eat, his plate had a huge blob of soap on the plate right beside his biscuit!  He didn't realize he had gotten the plates too close to the dispenser!!  I could not stop laughing!!  Well, at least they are guaranteed to be sparkling clean at all times!  Hahahaaaa!!

Opposites

Another installment of "Jen and Skeet Are Polar Opposites" ...
We were watching a survival show tonight called "Dude You're Screwed" where these Navy Seal guys kidnap you and drop you in some impossibly hard survival situation.  The guy in this episode is British and was dropped at the top of a glacier in Alaska, 200 miles from anything.
Skeet said, "That would be awesome to try."
I said, "I'd just roll up in a ball and die in the ice."

Peanut Butter

I think I just broke a world record by eating about eight pounds of peanut butter on one teeny celery stick.  Pretty sure I could have had a career as a structural engineer after getting all that peanut butter to stack up that high without falling off!!

Seriously?

Ummm .... If anyone if looking for the entire snack aisle from Quick Trip, I just found it under the boys' beds.  There are also a few mismatched, dirty sports socks thrown in there as a nice finishing touch. Seriously, guys???? Totally getting a HUGE extra star in my heavenly crown for raising boys!!!

Sick

Robert Skeet Taylor is sick for the third time this month, so I did what a Southern wife with any sense would do. I rushed out and bought the best remedy I could find… Brunswick stew and blackberry cobbler from Tipsy Pig. He sitting by the fire with both as we speak. Pretty sure he’ll be on the mend quickly now. ❤️🐷

Basketball

(2015) I am the WORST basketball mom EVER.  I hate EVERYTHING about it. The uniforms are ugly, the balls thud and echo nonstop, the middle school gym stinks like old sweat socks, we are sitting on the dirty gym floor, balls keep hitting us from all the kids playing around on the sidelines, the buzzer blares in my ears and startles me every single time, the constant ref whistles are shrill and nerve racking, babies are crying, the super enthused mom sitting next to me is screaming "Defense" in a  piercing pitch a dog could hear, the coaches are bellowing "Hands Up" over and over like it's an armed robbery, and if the dad with anger issues next to me shouts,"Make it happen" or "Pass the ball" one more time, I may just lose it.  Did I mention I absolutely HATE it here?? But ... I happen to love one of the players, so here I sit, smiling at Dylan like this is the best place on earth!  Football and baseball I can do, but I'm pretty sure there is a level of hell called "Middle School Rec Basketball," and believe me, that's enough to keep me saved from now to eternity.

True Love

(2012) Lily Claire just informed me that she has a boyfriend.  When I asked her his name she replied, "I forgot."  Sounds like true love!

Batman

(2012)  
We happened on this cable station this week that only shows all these old sitcoms from the 60s/70s ... like Gidget, That Girl, Here Come the Brides, Mary Tyler Moore show, etc ... but I'm cracking up because Dylan has gotten HOOKED on the old Batman show with Adam West!  I've actually enjoyed watching those with him, too!  They are so dated which make them really fun to watch and they have all those written "word" sound effects! Dylan says he likes the 60s Batman and especially LOVES the old Batmobile , but commented that "new Batman is much more buff because he has a six pack and old Batman doesn't." Don't feel bad, Old Batman, I'm guessing most guys from the 60s don't have a six pack these days either!

Crumbs

(2012) A Dylan memory 😂😂😂...
Life With Boys ... again:  I walked in my bedroom and found Dylan eating a bunch of PopTarts on my bed.  There were crumbs all over Skeet's side of the bed!  I said, "Dylan don't eat in our bed! No one wants to sleep all over crumbs at night!"  Of course I hoped Dylan would quickly jump up and brush off the crumbs and say, "OK, Mom."  Instead, he took another big crumbly bite and said, "It's ok, Mom, Dad can just wear a shirt to bed."  There's 8 year old logic for you!