Freshen Up

(2011) Me:  Lily, let's go upstairs and freshen up before we go to Bran's basketball game.
Lily:  Ok, Mama ... let's freshen down, too!

Pink Chicken

(2013) Lily Claire has been sick this week so as we were snuggling in her bed and she asked me to tell her a story.  When I asked what story she wanted, she replied, "The Pink Chicken Who Has To Do Everything."  Finally figured out she meant "The Little Red Hen"!  I'm feeling a bit like that pink chicken myself these days!

Dream

This morning Lily woke up and told me she had the "goodest" dream EVER!  She dreamed that she and a bunny and a kitten were sliding down a rainbow into a pot of gold!  Such are the happy dreams of little girls!

Twin

Conversation at our house this evening ...
Lily:  Guess what?  We are learning about Jackie Robinson in Social Studies.  He's a famous baseball player!
Dylan:  We are learning about a guy named Surutha Ghandi.
Me:  Surutha?  I thought his name was Mahatma Ghandi ..
Dylan (dead serious):  Well, that's probably his twin brother.

Acne

My funny school story for today… I was giving the kids their spelling test at the end of the day and I didn’t have on my reading glasses. I was very surprised when the next spelling word on the list was “acne.” That seemed to be a little weird on a   spelling list. When I read the sentence that was printed with the word, it got even weirder. Reading directly from the spelling sheet paper, I reluctantly said, “OK, the next word is ‘acne’ and the sentence is ‘The older I get the more my body is full of acne,’ said grandpa.”
I then stopped again and looked up at the kids and said, “Wow, that’s a really gross sentence for our spelling test! What on earth?!”
By this point the kids were dying laughing! “No!!” they all shouted, “Mrs. Taylor, the word isn’t “acne”, it’s “ache”!! Then I started dying laughing! The sentence was supposed to say that grandpa had aches all over his body, not acne!!! 😂😂😂 Guess next time I’ll take an extra moment to find my reading glasses BEFORE giving the spelling test!!! #Neveradullmoment

Laughs

(2015) It's about two minutes before bedtime and Lily asks me if she could tell me just one more quick thing before bed.
"Sure," I said sleepily. "What is it?"
"Will you listen to my top 100 laughs and tell me which is the best one?"
Ummm ... no, Lil. Let's save that for your next spend the night with Grammie!! :). Hahaaaaa!!

Failed

I have TOTALLY failed as a good Southern mother.
I was helping Bran study last night for an American Lit test about "Realism" and "Naturalism" (one of my least favorite periods of literature).  At any rate, part of the study guide was about "regionalism" and "regional dialect" and "local color."  I was explaining these concepts to Bran and said, "For example, Margaret Mitchell put Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara on a plantation in the Civil War south and had the characters act and speak based on where they lived and the time period."
Bran replied, "Who are Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara?"
After a gasp of horror, I replied in utter shock and dismay, "You don't know who Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara are?"
"Oh wait ... wait, " Bran said, "Oh yeah ... they are making a movie about them, right?  It's called Fifty Shades of Gray, or something?  Right?"
Oh. my. lord.
"Um, no Brandon. They already MADE a move about Rhett and Scarlett called Gone With the Wind."
Bran, "Never heard of it."
WHERE did I go wrong?!  I actually needed smelling salts for the vapours at this point in the conversation ... As God as my witness, I will be forcing my son to watch Gone With the WInd with his grandmother and me in the very near future, even if I must hog tie him to the couch to do it.  All.four.hours.

Gentleman

Dyl's sweet little girlfriend is coming with us to our family Super Bowl party, and Dyl just got his first dose of Southern Mama crazy!  We pulled in to her driveway, and Dyl made the fatal mistake of saying, "Mom, can I have your phone to text her that I'm here?" Long, looooong pause of sheer disbelief.... WHAT?????!!!!!!! I needed my smelling salts as I was completely overcome by the vapors at this point. I was able to wheeze out, "YOU. NEVER. EVER. EVER. TEXT. OR. HONK. TO. PICK. UP.  A. GIRL!! YOU GO TO THE DOOR!!"
Dylan looked completely baffled and said "Mom, why?"
"Because you are a GENTLEMAN and, more importantly, BECAUSE I SAID SO!"  Needless to say, Dylan went to the door ... bless his heart. 😂😂😂 Score one for Southern mothers everywhere.

Breakfast

(2012) When I woke up this morning, I saw on my nighstand that Dylan and Lily Claire had served me a fantastic breakfast in bed!  Just because all the food was either wood or plastic from Lily's pink kitchen in her room was quite alright!

God

(2013) Lily just informed me that she knows what God looks like. Apparently, He's "big and sunny."

Wealth

Dear Wells Fargo,
Thank you for your diligence in having my back with your daily "wealth management" email alerts. Considering that ..
1.  I'm a teacher
2.  I have a son in college
3.  It's basketball AND baseball season
4.  Christmas was last month,
5.  and we got paid six weeks ago ...
my current "wealth management" today was a staggering $13.15.  Is it time to roll over or diversify?  Kudos for keeping my amassed wealth protected and managed! Trying really hard not to spend all my wealth in one place before pay day!

Automatic

I got Mom and Dad an automatic soap dispenser for their kitchen sink that squirts out soap when you pass your hand underneath it. I have been laughing so hard at their tales of trying to get used to it and remember it's there! Mom forgot it was there and reached her hand over to get her coffee cup from the Keurig and ended up with a big blob of soap on the top of her hand!  Then Dad had two sausage biscuits on plates that he took out of the microwave and when they sat down to eat, his plate had a huge blob of soap on the plate right beside his biscuit!  He didn't realize he had gotten the plates too close to the dispenser!!  I could not stop laughing!!  Well, at least they are guaranteed to be sparkling clean at all times!  Hahahaaaa!!

Opposites

Another installment of "Jen and Skeet Are Polar Opposites" ...
We were watching a survival show tonight called "Dude You're Screwed" where these Navy Seal guys kidnap you and drop you in some impossibly hard survival situation.  The guy in this episode is British and was dropped at the top of a glacier in Alaska, 200 miles from anything.
Skeet said, "That would be awesome to try."
I said, "I'd just roll up in a ball and die in the ice."

Peanut Butter

I think I just broke a world record by eating about eight pounds of peanut butter on one teeny celery stick.  Pretty sure I could have had a career as a structural engineer after getting all that peanut butter to stack up that high without falling off!!

Seriously?

Ummm .... If anyone if looking for the entire snack aisle from Quick Trip, I just found it under the boys' beds.  There are also a few mismatched, dirty sports socks thrown in there as a nice finishing touch. Seriously, guys???? Totally getting a HUGE extra star in my heavenly crown for raising boys!!!