Bloated

(2013) Dylan and Lily are going to watch a Lego Batman movie and they want me to get out the air mattress for them to lay on while they watch.  Lil just came running into my room and said, "Mom!  We need to get the air mattress all bloated up!"

Sweating

(2013) Had a lunch date with the kids after the puppet show this morning!  They wanted to go to McDonalds so they could also play on the playground.  When we first got there, I told them to go play, but within a few seconds Lily had come back to the table. In an APPALLED voice she told me, "I do NOT want to play in there right now because there is a kid in there who is SWEATING!"  Well, heaven forbid.  Once the offensive "sweat-er" left, she decided she'd go on in and play!  Good grief!!  After that, she and Dyl had a good time in the playground pretending to be a magic princess and a mean bear on the prowl ... all I know is there was a lot of squealing and running and growling going on in there!  Sure hope there was no SWEATING going on!

Isaac

I am cracking myself up at how happy I am being in my PJs watching Love Boat reruns after a fun day at the pool with my kids!  Doesn't take much for my contentment ... now if Isaac could just bring me a smoothie from the Alcapulco lounge, life would be perfect!  Hahahaaa!

Breach

One of my favorites...
Ok, really?!  We went out for lunch today and a lady stopped to admire some jewelry I was wearing.  As I am about to say "thank you" for her nice compliment, Robert Skeet Taylor shouts out, "It's not real."  Seriously???   Woman code 101 has just been seriously breached. Why don't you go ahead and tell the whole place that I have fake highlights in my hair from a drugstore box and my glowing complexion comes from a tube and that it's not my real figure because I have on a tummy control shaper under my dress?!  Any man in his right mind should know you DO NOT spill the time honored "woman" secrets!  Honestly.  Men are from another planet. 😂😂👽

Float

This dude at the pool keeps yelling at his middle school daughter to be careful on her pool float so she doesn’t knock into other people, but instead of yelling “be careful” he keeps screaming “be situationally aware.” Ummmm ... ok. 😂😂😂. #cooldadaward

Electricity

(2013) Life with two brothers means that everything gets eaten or used up before Lily Claire can get to it, most of the time!  Whenever we buy chocolate milk or doughnuts or ANYTHING, it is usually all gone by the next day when Lily is looking for it, because the boys have gotten to it first.  It makes her really mad!  Anyway, she went into the pantry this week and the light bulb had burned out.  She came out with her hands on her hips, scowling, and said, "Great!  Now the brothers have used up all the electricity, too!"

Princess

(2010) When Lily got out of the bath and put on her pink Disney princess nighgrown this evening, she informed me, "I a princess too, Mama"  Gosh ... wonder where she got that idea??!!

Lucky

Robert Skeet Taylor, you are quite possibly the luckiest man on earth. All I could find tonight to put on my poison ivy was diaper rash cream, so it is currently all over my face and neck and hands and arms and ears. Paired with its delightful smell and my scratching, it looks especially nice with the old flannel PJ pants I’m wearing that are covered with faded polar bears. I’m also stopped up from the pollen, so I have a breathe-right strip on my nose, and my contacts were hurting my eyes so I have on black glasses with rhinestones. Skeet couldn’t ask for more gorgeous dream woman to hang out with tonight!!  #luckyman 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Hunk

(2013) Lily was describing Robert Skeet Taylor at lunch: "a person with black white gray hair, wrinkly forehead, hairy arms, and a scratchy face." WHAT A HUNK!!  I am laughing soooo hard!!! 😂😂😂

Golf

Conversations I had with Skeet on the golf course today… He’s such a lucky man to have me by his side!! 😂😂😂 Wonder if he’ll invite me again soon?

“It’s humid out here”
“Uh oh. I hope you brought a lot of balls.”
“That lake is like a putt putt trap.”
“I’m going to watch from the shade.”
“Aww! Look at that cute dog!”
“I am going to look this tree up on plant app ...”
“I need a drink.”
“Somebody left tees everywhere.”
“They need to empty the trash out here.”
“Why are you using that club?”
“I’m sweating.”
“The woods are lovely, dark, and deep...”
“Woah! Look where this ball is. Somebody did terrible.”
“ I wonder who designs the shape of the sand traps.”
“Don’t get poison ivy getting your ball.”
“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood...”
“Maybe you should’ve brought your glasses.”
“What’s with all the ant hills?”
“Hold on. My tennis shoe hurts.”
“This is a no judgement zone.”
“That dude must be burning up in that long sleeve shirt.”
“Oops. It’s ok. Try again.”
“Look at all the dandelions!”
“Wow. We look super white in these shorts. We need a tan.”
“Are there fish in this lake? I just saw bubbles!”
“Don’t hit that guy over there.”
“They should make golf balls out of stuff that fish can eat for when they go in the lake.”
“Should I stop keeping score?”

Termites

So the termite exterminators come at the crack of dawn this morning (the yearly check, we don't actually have termites) ... I thought they would just spray some stuff and leave us our letter.  Of course not!  The man gives me a long speech about the option to have them drill into the basement floor and into all the outside bricks and the front porch with their jack hammer and how "it might look bad at first but it'll settle down after a while."  Oh yeah and also the holes could cause some "flooding problems. Do I want him to do that?"  Um ... NO!!!  What on earth? Just squirt some spray, mister!!!!

Job

(2011) Another Dylan moment ... I was laying in his bed with him before he fell asleep and he asked, "Mom, when you grow up do you have to have a job?"  Of course, I said, "Yes, if you want to have a house and food!"  Dylan thought a moment then said, "Yea, and if you don't have a job you'd be drunk all the time and have a fat stomach."  WHERE does he get this stuff?!  He cracks me up!

Praise

One of my sweet fourth grade boys said to me today, "Mrs. Taylor, the only better woman in my life other than you is my mother."  Absolutely precious. I don't think there is any higher praise possible than that!

Work Force

(2015) There is seriously something wrong with today's work force. At his request, I bought Bran a "virtual" gift card to Burger King from their own webpage so he could drive through and get some breakfast on his way to school. This was in February. He hasn't been able to use it yet because every time he goes there, the workers say they don't know how to use it. On the paper itself it says exactly what the worker needs to do to enter it into the cash register!  At any rate, I stopped by to finally work it all out yesterday and the teenage worker told me,  "You can't use that here because nothing from the Burger King website or apps works in our store.  You can only use it online."  Huh?  I shouldn't have, but I replied, "That's really odd. So you're saying I need to order a Whopper and fries online with this gift card and have it shipped to me?"
Guess what the worker answered?....  "Yes."
Good grief. I just gave up at that point!! Guess I'll be making a call to their corporate offices ... Or I'll just order up a bunch of burgers tonight online for UPS to deliver in 3-5 business days.

Lucky

(2015) What a super lucky mom I am! Dyl and his friends used a big stick to drag this dead snake from two streets down all the way to our driveway so I could see it. They were so proud of themselves, all I could do was choke out a weak, "Wow guys" before encouraging them to drag it off somewhere else! 🤢🤢🤢😂😂 #parentingboysnotfortheweak