Bacteria

 (2016) Lily just informed me that she would NEVER kiss anyone NOT in our family because if you go on a date, it's a complete stranger and he could have a LOT of "bacteria."  A true romantic in the making ... 😂😂😂😂

Exhausted

(2016)  I hope my family appreciates the blood, sweat, and tears I put into slaving over a hot stove for their supper tonight!  They wanted soup and sandwiches, so I opened SEVERAL pop-top cans of tomato soup BY MYSELF, then lovingly wrapped each grilled cheese sandwich in Sonic takeout foil. I am EXHAUSTED. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it ...😂😂😂😂). #bestmomever.

Sleeping Beauty

 (2011) Dylan is laughing his head off because Lily Claire is playing with her princess dolls and keeps calling Sleeping Beauty "Sleeping Booty."  Oh dear!

Slime

 (2018) Lily just proudly showed me some huge blob of slime she made and then I realized she was carrying it around on top of her children's Bible!! What?!!

Me: "SLIME on your Bible, Lil? Really?!

Lily: GASP!!! Oops!!!! 

Me: I'm calling Jesus right now to tell on you. 

Lily: (running to get it off) Nooooooooo!!! I'm sorry, Jesus!!!!!

😂😂😂😂

Hives

 (2020) When you’re itching and  think you have hives from all the stress you’ve been under and then you realize it was just a bunch of crumbled Pringles that fell down your blouse at lunch… #teacherlife2020

Remember

 (2011) Life with a 13 year old son:  On my way home this evening, I called Bran to remind him to get his homework and chores done.  Typically, Bran never "remembers" to do any of his chores without lots of "reminders." So I say, "Bran, don't forget to take down the trashcans from the curb before football practice."  To which he replies, totally seriously, "I already did it, Mom, because you know ... I'm just cool like that."  Uh huh ... we'll see how long this wave of "coolness" lasts!  :)

Kitty Cat

 (2011) Saturday, I made the mistake of shopping early for Lily's Halloween costume online and she ended up picking out a sweet kitty cat costume.  HOWEVER, now she is asking me every day if I can draw whiskers on her face and put on her costume (which, of course, we don't have yet!)  She just came storming into my room huffing and said, "WHEN is Halloween?  I've been waiting and waiting!"  Oh dear.  October is going to be a loooooooooong month! 

Wrong

 If watching Hallmark channel and eating Little Debbies on the couch in my pajamas is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.😂😂😂

Grooming

 I just got an offer from a pet website to send me a 128 page book about grooming my dog at home. What on earth?!!! All I do for Buddy is slop some dog shampoo and water on him in the tub then brush him. Buddy must be missing out on the other 127 pages of grooming! 😂😂🐾🐾

Kite

(2017) Life with Brandon Taylor ... I called him today to check in on him since his school is closed the next two days. Our conversation ...

Me: Hi Bran! Are you coming home because of the storm?

Bran: No, I'm staying here. 

Me: Well do you have a plan for bad weather? A safe place you can go if the wind gets bad?

Bran: Yeah, I'm ready. 

Me: Are you sure? You know the winds are supposed to be really, really strong. What is your plan? How exactly have you gotten ready?

Bran: I bought a kite ... 

Yep ... that's Brandon.  😂😂😂

Rainbow

 (2010) A scary glimpse into the minds of seven year old boys: At the drugstore, I let Dylan pick out some candy.  He picked out this HUGE rainbow colored lollipop, of course.  He said, "Mom, I bet I'll be the first person EVER to be able to eat all this at once."  I replied,"If you do, you'll get sick."  He thought a moment and replied cheerfully, "Well, if I throw up, at least it will be rainbow- colored!"   UG!!

Snacks

 (2013) Note to self ... do NOT take a 15 year old boy to the grocery store with you!  I was running in to pick up one or two things and came out with a TON of stuff that I got sweet-talked into buying ... a case of Mug rootbeer, Chex mix, Pringles, Fruit Loops with marshmallows, a family sized bag of Chips Ahoy, chocolate chip PopTarts ... a hoard of neverending snacks for the bottomless pit named Brandon Taylor! 

Boots

 (2013) I had to get creative tonight ... Lily couldn't find any of her Barbie's shoes and her Barbie "HAD to go on a walk and was going to get splinters in her toes" (according to Lily).  It was a full blown Barbie crisis!  Anyway, after a little aluminum foil, Barbie now has some awesome silver boots!  Fashion emergency SOLVED.

Super Bowl

 (2018) Adding to the roasting heat and biting bugs at the football field is a New York lady sitting right next to me angrily SCREAMING in my ear after every play.  Really??!! Apparently her son’s name or nickname is “Megatron.” I know because it’s ringing in my ears.  She keeps YELLING “Watch the ball” but it sounds like “Watch the bull” which is annoying me even more.  I must have been mistaken that this is 10U rec football ... it’s apparently the Super Bowl. I’m about to commit a second felony at the ball-field already this season, but this time NOT involving snow cones.

Jaguar

 (2018) So Bran calls and informs me that he accidentally backed his truck into a car tonight. What kind of car? A Jaguar, of course. What are the odds of this in Royston, Georgia?! You can’t make this stuff up.