True and funny stories from the lighter side of raising my sons and daughter. As the Southern mama of this crew, I'm usually somewhere between "Bless your hearts!" and "Y'all act like you got some sense!" If we ever need to find our way home, we just follow the trail of red clay and glitter.
(2019) Another installment of "Jen and Skeet Are Polar Opposites" ...
We were watching a survival show tonight called "Dude You're Screwed" where these Navy Seal guys kidnap you and drop you in some impossibly hard survival situation. The guy in this episode is British and was dropped at the top of a glacier in Alaska, 200 miles from anything.
Skeet said, "That would be awesome to try."
I said, "I'd just roll up in a ball and die in the ice."
😂😂😂
(2012) Dylan and I were watching some cartoon that had a pirate in it and he said, "Mom are there really such things as pirates?" I said, "Yes, there were pirates a long time ago and today there are still some pirates that go around stealing from other people's boats." Dylan answers in complete seriousness, " Who in the WORLD would want to be a baby then grow up to be a pirate?! Lily will NOT be a pirate when she grows up!" Very true, Dyl!
(2016) Lily just informed me that she knows what God looks like. Apparently, He's "big and sunny."
2015) I am the WORST basketball mom EVER. I hate EVERYTHING about it. The uniforms are ugly, the balls thud and echo nonstop, the middle school gym stinks like old sweat socks, we are sitting on the dirty gym floor, balls keep hitting us from all the kids playing around on the sidelines, the buzzer blares in my ears and startles me every single time, the constant ref whistles are shrill and nerve racking, babies are crying, the super enthused mom sitting next to me is screaming "Defense" in a piercing pitch a dog could hear, the coaches are bellowing "Hands Up" over and over like it's an armed robbery, and if the dad with anger issues next to me shouts,"Make it happen" or "Pass the ball" one more time, I may just lose it. Did I mention I absolutely HATE it here?? But ... I happen to love one of the players, so here I sit, smiling at Dylan like this is the best place on earth! Football and baseball I can do, but I'm pretty sure there is a level of hell called "Middle School Rec Basketball," and believe me, that's enough to keep me saved from now to eternity.
(2018) I have come to the realization that without air conditioning, I would be a mean, lonely hermit with NO friends or maybe even be in JAIL. I get SO grouchy and irritable when I'm SUPER hot! Case in point, after Lily's cheer photos last week on a SCORCHING HOT turf football field in the dead middle of the hottest afternoon in August (and I was stupidly wearing sweat pants), Lily asked if she could have a snow cone when we were done. OF COURSE, the snow cone truck was parked RIGHT in the sun and I was already super grouchy from sweating to death in the 100 degree afternoon sun in sweatpants! Sweat was actually dripping down my nose, which made me SUPER grumpy and irritated! At any rate, I begrudgingly got in the line (no shade, mind you) for a small, Coke flavored snow cone, and the lady in front me proceeds to order SIX LARGE SNOW CONES!!! Are you kidding me?!! THEN, she asked the guy to name ALL the sugar free flavors first before choosing. She then sends her daughter to inquire about what flavors all the siblings want, which fluctuated about ten times from Pina Colado to Blue Raspberry! After an eternity in the boiling sun waiting for her snow cone buffet to be ready, she looks at the snow cones the man is setting on the counter for her and says she needs MORE flavor on ALL of them!!!! THEN, she takes sample bites of each one and starts to walk away, but NOT before coming back to the window to ask for extra napkins. I literally almost committed a snow cone FELONY at the window before that lady was finished! THANKFULLY we got into our air conditioned car to leave and narrowly escaped my hot, angry descent into a life of crime.
(2012) Today's episode of LIFE WITH BOYS: As I am cleaning up the boys' messy bathroom this evening for the hundredth time, I find a TOOTH just lying on the counter. In the midst of being creeped out by that, Dylan barges in and says, "MOM! Look at my spit beard!!!" BOYS!!!!!!!!!!!
(2023) While Lily is putting away her Christmas decorations in her room, I say: Why don’t you make a New Year’s resolution to be more organized this year in your room?
Lily: No, I already have a New Year’s resolution.
Me: (impressed)That’s great! What is it?
Lily: To find a better mascara.
😑😑😑 Really?!
Life with a 14 year old girl!!! 😂😂😂😂
(2018) Life with a 15 year old son .... Skeet and I leaping out of bed at 1 AM to the fire alarm screaming and the smell of smoke. Run downstairs to see Dylan standing guiltily over a smoking pan of burned scrambled eggs. Without blinking an eye he says, “Buddy did it.” Nice try!! I told him that the next time he needs a middle of the night snack, it should be a PBJ.
(2012) The boys have been picking on their poor baby sister tonight ... she decided her new name is "Fluffy" but they keep "forgetting" to call her that and are calling her "Gaylord" and "Achmed" and "Red Hot Joe" and a host of other names that are making her VERY mad!!! I hate to say it, but I'm cracking up! "Fluffy", however, is NOT laughing!
(2016) Voted!! Took 5 minutes! Lily loved watching me click the choices, but made me laugh when the vote for the Commissioner of Soil came up. She whispered to me, "Why do we need to vote for a farmer?"
(2011) There are some sad boys at my house tonight ... they lost the championship game 12-0. What to do? I'm baking them some cookies, which is the "mom" cure for all life's disappointments.
(2011) I am losing my mind! Lily Claire has rung the doorbell about 1000 times now and keeps screaming "Trick or Treat!" She's not quite understanding that today is NOT Halloween!!!! AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
(2011) Lily had to sit in time out for hitting her brother. I told her not come back in our room until she could be nice and BEHAVE. When she came back in the room a little while later she said, "Sorry, Mama ... I'm 'being hay-ved' now."
(2014) We went to our favorite Chinese restaurant tonight and when it came time to read the fortune cookies, we had a hilarious faux pas! Lily asked to read Skeet's fortune out loud to all of us and, without any help, proceeded to read, "You will have good-looking personal affairs." WHAT?!!! Skeet was LOVING that fortune, until I snatched it and said, "Sorry mister. It actually says, 'You will have good LUCK in your personal affairs!" Oops ... letting a first grader read your fortune may alter your fate quite a bit, apparently!!
(2014) News flash for the family ... Lilly Claire informed me that she has changed her name to "Fluffy Belle." Just FYI!