Gone With The Wind

 (2014) I have TOTALLY failed as a Southern mother.

I was helping Bran study last night for an American Lit test about "Realism" and "Naturalism" (one of my least favorite periods of literature).  At any rate, part of the study guide was about "regionalism" and "regional dialect" and "local color."  I was explaining these concepts to Bran and said, "For example, Margaret Mitchell put Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara on a plantation in the Civil War south and had the characters act and speak based on where they lived and the time period."

Bran replied, "Who are Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara?"

After a gasp of horror, I replied in utter shock and dismay, "You don't know who Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara are?"

"Oh wait ... wait, " Bran said, "Oh yeah ... they are making a movie about them, right?  It's called Fifty Shades of Gray, or something?  Right?"

Oh. my. lord. 

"Um, no Brandon. They already MADE a move about Rhett and Scarlett called Gone With the Wind."

Bran, "Never heard of it."

WHERE did I go wrong?!  I actually needed smelling salts for the vapours at this point in the conversation ... As God as my witness, I will be forcing my son to watch Gone With the WInd with his grandmother and me in the very near future, even if I must hog tie him to the couch to do it.  All.four.hours.

Retro

(2016) A text between Bran and me from his teen years where I was messing with him ... using a bunch of “groovy” slang that he wanted nothing to do with! 😂😂😂

Stickers

 (2012) I was fussing a little bit at Lily Claire tonight because when I came downstairs she had put stickers all over her dolls!  I said, "Lily, don't put stickers on your nice babydolls!" to which she replied, "I didn't. They have chickenpox."

Praise and Worship

 (2014) 

Many of you know that Dylan is really in to WWE wrestling and this Sunday, unbeknownst to me, he brought two of his wrestler "guys" into church.  During the praise songs, I look over and see this!  I am STILL laughing!!!  Apparently it's the WWE meets Praise and Worship! He even had their hands raised!  ONLY Dylan!!!! 

Perks

 (2014) Bran thinks he has hit the BIG TIME being on his highschool baseball team.  Why?  Because he gets FREE sweet tea AND lemonade at practices and games!  WHOA!!!!  Who needs the major leagues with these kinds of perks?!!  You gotta love 14 year old boys!

Book

 (2014) Bran wasn't sure if I could help him with his Language Arts homework last night because it was about some obscure, little known book called "To Kill A Mockingbird" ... had I ever heard of it?  Ummm ... yes, Bran.  I've heard of that "new" book.

Birthday

 (2013) Lily just told me, "Mom, you can come to my birthday party because you're my best friend."  Sniff. Sniff.  Love that little girl!

Marker

 (2012) I walked into the kitchen this evening to find that Lily had drawn a big flower right on the refridgerator with a purple marker!!!! Thankfully I only buy washable markers! When I said, "Lily Claire, Don't draw on Mommy's refridgerator with marker!" Liily answered sincerely, "I didn't do it, Mommy ... the marker did it." Reminded me of a time Dylan drew all over my CAR with a black Sharpie pen and then told me that a bunch of ants had drawn it! Uh huh. :) Three year olds!

Mother of the Year

 (2012) I have to share my "Mother of the Year" story from this week. I have been crowned once again. 🙂  I noticed that Dylan's tennis shoes were full of holes and completely raggedy, so I threw them away, thinking, "Gosh, this poor kid.  We'll get him a nice, new pair this weekend."  The next morning, while rushing to get to school because I had a parent conference waiting, Dylan was in a panic because he couldn't find his shoes.  I told him to wear another pair because I had thrown away the other ones. Well, of COURSE, he went nuts, saying they were his all- time favorite shoes, etc, etc.  I caved, and said in frustration, "Well get them out of the trash for today, but hurry up!!! We are going to be late!!!"  Dylan fished them out of the trash and when I walked in the kitchen, he was hobbling all over the kitchen shouting in distress,  "Mom!  Something is all over my favorite shoes!" I turn and see that his shoes are COVERED and dripping with spaghetti sauce!!?  What on earth??!   Turns out, UNBEKNOWNST to me, Bran had come down in the middle of the night and made himself a big bowl of noodles with spaghetti sauce and thrown out the leftovers in the very same trash can ... all over Dylan's "sacred" shoes. So, I did what any great mother would do.  I screamed, "BRING THEM TO ME!" I turned on the kitchen faucet , slopped water all over them, and handed them back to Dylan dripping wet saying, "Put them on FAST and get in the car!!! We are going to be late!!!"  What a lucky kid.  He arrived at school that day with shoes not only full of holes, but now stained with spaghetti sauce, smelling like tomatoes, AND squeaking and dripping wet. So glad I made the whole shoe situation so much better for him.  Yes, once again, I am Mother of the Year!  What can you do but laugh?!

Rooster

 (2023) You know you live in Georgia when … the man in front of you at the post office is mailing a rooster in a box full of holes that says “live bird” on it! 😂😂😂🐓🐓🐓

Dreams

 (2014) This morning Lily woke up and told me she had the "goodest" dream EVER!  She dreamed that she and a bunny and a kitten were sliding down a rainbow into a pot of gold!  Such are the happy dreams of little girls! 

Twin

 (2017) Conversation at our house this evening ...

Lily:  Guess what?  We are learning about Jackie Robinson in Social Studies.  He's a famous baseball player!

Dylan:  We are learning about a guy named Surutha Ghandi.

Me:  Surutha?  I thought his name was Mahatma Ghandi ..

Dylan (dead serious):  Well, that's probably his twin brother.

Used

 (2018) Are. You. Kidding. Me??????? I was buying a new plunger for our upstairs bathroom because our other one has disappeared (I don’t even want to know the story behind that)… And when I was placing an order for one on Amazon it gave me the option to buy one USED!!!!! WHAT???!!!!! In what hideous alternate universe would you buy a USED toilet plunger??!!! To save $2???!!! Just. NO. 😷😷😳😳😂😂

(And note ... gift wrapping is available!!)

Texting

 (2016) Ummm ... apparently "someone" who is not me (who is also six years old and lives in this house) has been texting from my phone. It was a stretch, but the text to Santa was my first clue.

Opposites

 (2019) Another installment of "Jen and Skeet Are Polar Opposites" ... 

We were watching a survival show tonight called "Dude You're Screwed" where these Navy Seal guys kidnap you and drop you in some impossibly hard survival situation.  The guy in this episode is British and was dropped at the top of a glacier in Alaska, 200 miles from anything.  

Skeet said, "That would be awesome to try."  

I said, "I'd just roll up in a ball and die in the ice."

😂😂😂