True and funny stories from the lighter side of raising my sons and daughter. As the Southern mama of this crew, I'm usually somewhere between "Bless your hearts!" and "Y'all act like you got some sense!" If we ever need to find our way home, we just follow the trail of red clay and glitter.
Followers
Friday, June 29, 2018
Jerky
(2015) Brandon Taylor made me laugh out loud today at Walmart! He was begging me to buy him some $6 bag of Beef Jerky and I happened to spot a $1 bag of "Great Value" brand Beef Jerky instead. (FYI, I almost ALWAYS buy store brands.) "Mom!" he groaned with disdain, "That is probably made from giraffe meat." .... We bought the $6 bag to be safe. Hahahahahaha!!!!!
Unfortunate
(2016) OH NO!!!! Major unfortunate event for today... I was coloring my hair (NOT that I need to cover some gray or anything) and AFTER the 30 minute wait and rinse, I realized I had picked up DARK BROWN at the store instead of DARK BLOND!!! My hair is now darker than my sisters and I am in shock. I wondered why it looked black when I got out of the shower!!! Robert Skeet Taylor, please brace yourself when you get home!!! I am going to have to go get a highlighting kit PRONTO at some remote shopping area where I won't be noticed, except maybe by an Elvis talent scout! Good lord.
Dad
One of life's simple pleasures. ... Calling my dad late each evening just to chat, talk about the weather or what we had for supper, check in on Mom, and laugh about a bunch of goofy stuff! One of the best parts of my day. ❤️
Tuesday, June 26, 2018
Blonde
(2014) Lily had us so confused today, and it was hilarious! She kept mumbling things and when someone couldn't hear her, she'd say, "Oh no. You're blonde." What?! Finally I asked her what that meant and she said, "Being blonde means you can't see!" Hmmm .. that's "blind" and you meant "deaf," Lil. Comedy of errors!
Sunday, June 24, 2018
When I Am Afraid...
Sweet conversation with Lily in the car tonight ... she was a little worried about the thunderstorm warning that kept coming up on the radio. After a while she said to me, "You know what's a good thing about being a Christian? When you are scared you can say a prayer to God and He will help you not be scared and always be with you." Exactly right, sweet girl.
"When I am afraid, I will trust in You." Psalm 56:3
"When I am afraid, I will trust in You." Psalm 56:3
Scorpios
Watching "Say Yes to the Dress" and when they were interviewing a "groom to be" about how he met is future bride, he said that they were perfect for each other because "they were both Scorpios and their tails were so easily intertwining." Um ... Okay.
Saturday, June 23, 2018
Bitmoji
Lily was choosing an outfit for her Bitmoji and chose one that was tight jeans with a crop top. She showed it to me, then said,”No, I better change that. Grammie wouldn’t approve.” 😂😂😂
Thursday, June 21, 2018
Beach Blanket Bingo
(2013) Had SO much fun with my neices, Meg and Katie today! They came over and watched for the first time an old Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello beach movie and then we went swimming! The movie totally cracked us all up!!! I know for a fact that today was a "way-out, side-splitting vodoo shindig" for the girls! (Yes, sadly, that was one of the lines from the movie!)
Moose
(2014) Lily Claire asked me tonight if I remembered the time when she was three and we all rode on a moose in the hay on Christmas. ..... um ... no memory of THAT whatsoever!!!! ????? :)
Pioneer
I was trimming some big tree branches today and started contemplating all the strenuous jobs I've completed in the yard this summer BY MYSELF in the blazing heat... chopping down several small trees, pruning all the giant bushes in our backyard (at least 50 or more), cutting back 15 or more prickly overgrown ugly bushes in our side yard by hand, using a chain saw to cut back 35 foot crepe myrtles then chop them up, hauling dead trees away, planting and transplanting dozens of bushes, tackling the poison ivy in our woods, cranking the gas blower BY MYSELF (after only about 300 yanks on that stupid pull cord ...who's dumb idea was that?) ... the impressive list just goes on and on. I realized that indeed, I COULD have survived back in the day as a pioneer. ... a grouchy, irritable, bitter pioneer, but a pioneer no less.
Wednesday, June 20, 2018
Weird
I have the weirdest children ... which means the apple didn’t fall far! 😂 Lily informed me today that she has two BIG dreams she hopes will come true ...
1. To have a pet anchovie
2. To have a T-shirt that says “Gee whiz”
Marching to the beat of her own drum ... or something. 😂😂😂😂
Sunday, June 17, 2018
Crushed
Hahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! Brandon apparently doesn't know his own strength! We drove through Sonic for him to get a milkshake and when the lady handed it to him out the window he accidentally crushed the entire cup and the shake went all over his arm and hand! I am STILL laughing!!!!!!!!!!
Descent
Well everyone .... It has begun. My descent into the golden years. After a visit to the eye doctor today, I am the proud new owner of ....BIFOCALS!!! What???!!!!! How did this happen?? Well, at least my new lenses have NO lines and my new frames have lots of sparkly rhinestones! May as well "bling out" those golden years as much as possible and enjoy the ride!
Saturday, June 16, 2018
You’re Welcome
(2015) Bran has a movie date tonight with a very sweet girl from school. A glimpse into a mother/teenage son conversation in the car today ...
Me: What time is the movie?
Bran: Seven. Can we pick her up in my truck?
Me: Sure. Do you have money?
Bran: A little but did you know it's SIXTEEN DOLLARS for popcorn and stuff??!!!!
Me: I'll buy the tickets so you can buy her some popcorn ...
Me again: and be sure and take a shower before you go ...
Me again: AND put on deodorant ....
Me again: and fix your hair so it won't look weird from your baseball hat ...
Bran: (giving me bad looks more frequently now)
Me again: and don't wear a tank top ,,,
Bran: (wishing he could jump out of the moving vehicle he's stuck in with me) ...
Me again: and ..
Bran: (with great disdain and eye rolling) MOM!! Ok!!!!! I'm good!!!! Duh!! I'm not going to wear a TANK TOP!!!!!!!
Me: I just had to check to make sure that wasn't in your realm of possibility.
Bran: Defeated sigh.
The moral of this tale: All women of the free world should forever be grateful to the mothers of malekind that they have money to pay for popcorn, they do not stink or have smashed up hat hair, and they do NOT show up in raggedy Bob Marley tank tops on said dates. You are welcome.
Me: What time is the movie?
Bran: Seven. Can we pick her up in my truck?
Me: Sure. Do you have money?
Bran: A little but did you know it's SIXTEEN DOLLARS for popcorn and stuff??!!!!
Me: I'll buy the tickets so you can buy her some popcorn ...
Me again: and be sure and take a shower before you go ...
Me again: AND put on deodorant ....
Me again: and fix your hair so it won't look weird from your baseball hat ...
Bran: (giving me bad looks more frequently now)
Me again: and don't wear a tank top ,,,
Bran: (wishing he could jump out of the moving vehicle he's stuck in with me) ...
Me again: and ..
Bran: (with great disdain and eye rolling) MOM!! Ok!!!!! I'm good!!!! Duh!! I'm not going to wear a TANK TOP!!!!!!!
Me: I just had to check to make sure that wasn't in your realm of possibility.
Bran: Defeated sigh.
The moral of this tale: All women of the free world should forever be grateful to the mothers of malekind that they have money to pay for popcorn, they do not stink or have smashed up hat hair, and they do NOT show up in raggedy Bob Marley tank tops on said dates. You are welcome.
Oodles
Wow! My backyard is twinkling and shimmering with oodles of fireflies! #southernsummernight❤️
Wednesday, June 13, 2018
Kids
(2014) In our rush to have kids do everything earlier and faster than ever, I love that the true timetables of child development can not and will not be rushed, no matter what adult agendas may be. Seeing a group of ten year old boys having sleepovers and filling the bunk bed with stuffed animals makes me smile... This is exactly as it should be. Here's to letting kids be kids for as long as they can. The adult world with all it's worries and pressures will ensnare them soon enough, but for today, I'm just as glad to protect that elusive world of childhood for them as long as I can.
Tuesday, June 12, 2018
Math
Five fifteen year old boys + four pizzas + ten Gatorades + one basketball = summertime at the Taylor house ❤️🙂☀️🍕🏀
Sunday, June 10, 2018
Summertime
(2013) I can tell it's summertime when my Walmart bill includes bubbles, suncatchers, fingerpaint, Captain Crunch, and Hi Ho Cherry-O!
Thursday, June 7, 2018
Jingle Bells
One of my all time FAVORITE Dylan/Skeet stories from several years ago popped up on my time hop today ... heaven help us!!! 😂😂😂
Fellow moms out there will know that, every now and then, those "teachable moments" crop up when we can impart some sort of "life lesson" or "wisdom of the ages" to our children. Case in point, the other day, Dylan and I were in a store, and he had to wait outside of the ladies room for me. I told him to stay right by the cart and keep a careful eye on my wallet and keys while I dashed in and out. When I came out of the restroom, he had done just fine and had been sitting there, diligently holding my wallet in his hands.
As I was saying, "Good job" it dawned on me that I also needed to impart one more bit of motherly advice in this moment. So I added, "Now you know, Dylan, if someone had come by and tried to take that wallet from you, I would want you to just give it to the guy so you would be safe. I'd rather you be safe than worry about my wallet. Anything in the wallet can be replaced, but you are irreplaceable."
Looking confused, Dylan responded, "So I should just GIVE the guy the wallet if he tries to steal it from me?"
"Yes," I said, pleased that my impromptu life lesson was obviously a smashing success.
"That's not what Daddy said to do," Dylan replied.
My heart warmed in that moment as I realized that Robert Skeet Taylor, too, had taken it upon himself to pass along some fatherly advice to Dylan about this very thing. "Good job, Daddy," I smiled and thought to myself as I waited for Dylan to elaborate with some timeless nugget of fatherly wisdom.
"No," Dylan continued cheerfully, "Daddy said that if someone ever tried to steal something from me, I should kick the guy in the jingle bells and run like crazy."
Long silence (by me, as I am now speechless) ...... as I stare at a proud, grinning Dylan.
You know, somehow I just don't recall any such father/son wisdom between Andy and Opie or Ward Cleaver and the Beaver, or even one single "jingle bells" episode of "Father Knows Best"... I mean, imagine that! Leave it to the sheer eloquence of the Taylor men of MY household. Skeet Taylor ... REALLY?!!! 🙂
Fellow moms out there will know that, every now and then, those "teachable moments" crop up when we can impart some sort of "life lesson" or "wisdom of the ages" to our children. Case in point, the other day, Dylan and I were in a store, and he had to wait outside of the ladies room for me. I told him to stay right by the cart and keep a careful eye on my wallet and keys while I dashed in and out. When I came out of the restroom, he had done just fine and had been sitting there, diligently holding my wallet in his hands.
As I was saying, "Good job" it dawned on me that I also needed to impart one more bit of motherly advice in this moment. So I added, "Now you know, Dylan, if someone had come by and tried to take that wallet from you, I would want you to just give it to the guy so you would be safe. I'd rather you be safe than worry about my wallet. Anything in the wallet can be replaced, but you are irreplaceable."
Looking confused, Dylan responded, "So I should just GIVE the guy the wallet if he tries to steal it from me?"
"Yes," I said, pleased that my impromptu life lesson was obviously a smashing success.
"That's not what Daddy said to do," Dylan replied.
My heart warmed in that moment as I realized that Robert Skeet Taylor, too, had taken it upon himself to pass along some fatherly advice to Dylan about this very thing. "Good job, Daddy," I smiled and thought to myself as I waited for Dylan to elaborate with some timeless nugget of fatherly wisdom.
"No," Dylan continued cheerfully, "Daddy said that if someone ever tried to steal something from me, I should kick the guy in the jingle bells and run like crazy."
Long silence (by me, as I am now speechless) ...... as I stare at a proud, grinning Dylan.
You know, somehow I just don't recall any such father/son wisdom between Andy and Opie or Ward Cleaver and the Beaver, or even one single "jingle bells" episode of "Father Knows Best"... I mean, imagine that! Leave it to the sheer eloquence of the Taylor men of MY household. Skeet Taylor ... REALLY?!!! 🙂
Future
(2012) Lily Claire informed me today that she is going to grow up and be a "gorgeous fairy", have a wedding, and have a little baby named Pinky Flower. She's got her future all mapped out apparently!
Teenagers
During the summer months, a lot of teenagers are working at the stores and fast food restaurants, which can sometimes lead to some pretty funny experiences. (To get the full effect here, you have to make the teenager voices below sound like a sort-of clueless surfer dude ...) ANYWAY, the other day, Papaw drove through Sonic to get a large strawberry limeade drink, and after he ordered, the teenage worker piped through the speaker asking, "So ... would you like ketchup and mustard with that, sir?" Ummm .. no thanks. Trying to cut back on the ketchup on my limeades these days. THEN, Bran and I drove through Sonic a few days later and ordered a "vanilla ice cream with hot fudge." The teenager voice came back through the speaker, "So ... like ... that will be one diet coke with hot fudge?" Ummm ... no. We don't usually get hot fudge ON our diet coke. We were CRACKING up! Keep up the good work, teenagers! Feeling real confident about ALL of our futures with you guys next up to run the world.
Monday, June 4, 2018
The Highlife
(2013) Bran just informed me that he "has it made" tonight ... he's laying in his bed watching the MLB channel on TV, he's got ESPN showing on the IPad, and he has a glass of sweet tea. He's living the 15 year old boy version of "the highlife" apparently!!
Sunday, June 3, 2018
Over the Hill
Tooday's weird but true event: There is a small white church up the road from us that has a small graveyard beside it. Today one of the gravestones was decorated with all sorts of helium balloons, which to me was sort of funny. But then I noticed the balloons said "Over the Hill'!! What on earth?! Maybe the balloons should have said "Under the Hiill!"
Saturday, June 2, 2018
Mistaken
Am I mistaken but is this a “turquoise men’s bathing suit size Medium?” Because THAT is what I ordered, but THIS is what I got!! Can’t wait to see Dyl at the pool in these “looking trim and feeling slim!”😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
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