Marker

 (2012) I walked into the kitchen this evening to find that Lily had drawn a big flower right on the refridgerator with a purple marker!!!! Thankfully I only buy washable markers! When I said, "Lily Claire, Don't draw on Mommy's refridgerator with marker!" Liily answered sincerely, "I didn't do it, Mommy ... the marker did it." Reminded me of a time Dylan drew all over my CAR with a black Sharpie pen and then told me that a bunch of ants had drawn it! Uh huh. :) Three year olds!

Mother of the Year

 (2012) I have to share my "Mother of the Year" story from this week. I have been crowned once again. 🙂  I noticed that Dylan's tennis shoes were full of holes and completely raggedy, so I threw them away, thinking, "Gosh, this poor kid.  We'll get him a nice, new pair this weekend."  The next morning, while rushing to get to school because I had a parent conference waiting, Dylan was in a panic because he couldn't find his shoes.  I told him to wear another pair because I had thrown away the other ones. Well, of COURSE, he went nuts, saying they were his all- time favorite shoes, etc, etc.  I caved, and said in frustration, "Well get them out of the trash for today, but hurry up!!! We are going to be late!!!"  Dylan fished them out of the trash and when I walked in the kitchen, he was hobbling all over the kitchen shouting in distress,  "Mom!  Something is all over my favorite shoes!" I turn and see that his shoes are COVERED and dripping with spaghetti sauce!!?  What on earth??!   Turns out, UNBEKNOWNST to me, Bran had come down in the middle of the night and made himself a big bowl of noodles with spaghetti sauce and thrown out the leftovers in the very same trash can ... all over Dylan's "sacred" shoes. So, I did what any great mother would do.  I screamed, "BRING THEM TO ME!" I turned on the kitchen faucet , slopped water all over them, and handed them back to Dylan dripping wet saying, "Put them on FAST and get in the car!!! We are going to be late!!!"  What a lucky kid.  He arrived at school that day with shoes not only full of holes, but now stained with spaghetti sauce, smelling like tomatoes, AND squeaking and dripping wet. So glad I made the whole shoe situation so much better for him.  Yes, once again, I am Mother of the Year!  What can you do but laugh?!

Rooster

 (2023) You know you live in Georgia when … the man in front of you at the post office is mailing a rooster in a box full of holes that says “live bird” on it! 😂😂😂🐓🐓🐓

Dreams

 (2014) This morning Lily woke up and told me she had the "goodest" dream EVER!  She dreamed that she and a bunny and a kitten were sliding down a rainbow into a pot of gold!  Such are the happy dreams of little girls! 

Twin

 (2017) Conversation at our house this evening ...

Lily:  Guess what?  We are learning about Jackie Robinson in Social Studies.  He's a famous baseball player!

Dylan:  We are learning about a guy named Surutha Ghandi.

Me:  Surutha?  I thought his name was Mahatma Ghandi ..

Dylan (dead serious):  Well, that's probably his twin brother.

Used

 (2018) Are. You. Kidding. Me??????? I was buying a new plunger for our upstairs bathroom because our other one has disappeared (I don’t even want to know the story behind that)… And when I was placing an order for one on Amazon it gave me the option to buy one USED!!!!! WHAT???!!!!! In what hideous alternate universe would you buy a USED toilet plunger??!!! To save $2???!!! Just. NO. 😷😷😳😳😂😂

(And note ... gift wrapping is available!!)

Texting

 (2016) Ummm ... apparently "someone" who is not me (who is also six years old and lives in this house) has been texting from my phone. It was a stretch, but the text to Santa was my first clue.

Opposites

 (2019) Another installment of "Jen and Skeet Are Polar Opposites" ... 

We were watching a survival show tonight called "Dude You're Screwed" where these Navy Seal guys kidnap you and drop you in some impossibly hard survival situation.  The guy in this episode is British and was dropped at the top of a glacier in Alaska, 200 miles from anything.  

Skeet said, "That would be awesome to try."  

I said, "I'd just roll up in a ball and die in the ice."

😂😂😂

Pirate

 (2012) Dylan and I were watching some cartoon that had a pirate in it and he said, "Mom are there really such things as pirates?"  I said, "Yes, there were pirates a long time ago and today there are still some pirates that go around stealing from other people's boats."  Dylan answers in complete seriousness, " Who in the WORLD would want to be a baby then grow up to be a pirate?!  Lily will NOT be a pirate when she grows up!"  Very true, Dyl!

God

 (2016) Lily just informed me that she knows what God looks like. Apparently, He's "big and sunny." 

Basketball

2015) I am the WORST basketball mom EVER.  I hate EVERYTHING about it. The uniforms are ugly, the balls thud and echo nonstop, the middle school gym stinks like old sweat socks, we are sitting on the dirty gym floor, balls keep hitting us from all the kids playing around on the sidelines, the buzzer blares in my ears and startles me every single time, the constant ref whistles are shrill and nerve racking, babies are crying, the super enthused mom sitting next to me is screaming "Defense" in a  piercing pitch a dog could hear, the coaches are bellowing "Hands Up" over and over like it's an armed robbery, and if the dad with anger issues next to me shouts,"Make it happen" or "Pass the ball" one more time, I may just lose it.  Did I mention I absolutely HATE it here?? But ... I happen to love one of the players, so here I sit, smiling at Dylan like this is the best place on earth!  Football and baseball I can do, but I'm pretty sure there is a level of hell called "Middle School Rec Basketball," and believe me, that's enough to keep me saved from now to eternity.

Snowcone

 (2018) I have come to the realization that without air conditioning, I would be a mean, lonely hermit with NO friends or maybe even be in JAIL.  I get SO grouchy and irritable when I'm SUPER hot!  Case in point, after Lily's cheer photos last week on a SCORCHING HOT turf football field in the dead middle of the hottest afternoon in August (and I was stupidly wearing sweat pants), Lily asked if she could have a snow cone when we were done.  OF COURSE, the snow cone truck was parked RIGHT in the sun and I was already super grouchy from sweating to death in the 100 degree afternoon sun in sweatpants!  Sweat was actually dripping down my nose, which made me SUPER grumpy and irritated!  At any rate, I begrudgingly got in the line (no shade, mind you) for a small, Coke flavored snow cone, and the lady in front me proceeds to order SIX LARGE SNOW CONES!!!  Are you kidding me?!!  THEN, she asked the guy to name ALL the sugar free flavors first before choosing.  She then sends her daughter to inquire about what flavors all the siblings want, which fluctuated about ten times from Pina Colado to Blue Raspberry! After an eternity in the boiling sun waiting for her snow cone buffet to be ready, she looks at the snow cones the man is setting on the counter for her and says she needs MORE flavor on ALL of them!!!!  THEN, she takes sample bites of each one and starts to walk away, but NOT before coming back to the window to ask for extra napkins.  I literally almost committed a snow cone FELONY at the window before that lady was finished!  THANKFULLY we got into our air conditioned car to leave and narrowly escaped my hot, angry descent into a life of crime.

Boys

 (2012) Today's episode of LIFE WITH BOYS:  As I am cleaning up the boys' messy bathroom this evening for the hundredth time, I find a TOOTH just lying on the counter.  In the midst of being creeped out by that, Dylan barges in and says, "MOM!  Look at my spit beard!!!"  BOYS!!!!!!!!!!!

Resolution

 (2023) While Lily is putting away her Christmas decorations in her room, I say: Why don’t you make a New Year’s resolution to be more organized this year in your room?

Lily: No, I already have a New Year’s resolution. 

Me: (impressed)That’s great! What is it?

Lily: To find a better mascara. 

😑😑😑 Really?!

Life with a 14 year old girl!!! 😂😂😂😂

Eggs

 (2018) Life with a 15 year old son .... Skeet and I leaping out of bed at 1 AM to the fire alarm screaming and the smell of smoke. Run downstairs to see Dylan standing guiltily over a smoking pan of burned scrambled eggs. Without blinking an eye he says, “Buddy did it.” Nice try!! I told him that the next time he needs a middle of the night snack, it should be a PBJ.